Requesting reduced hours for Ds - HFA

[Skylar123]

I apologise for posting so often lately and hogging the board.

I'm looking for some more advice please regarding school refusal.

Ds is going into school late at least 2 days out of 5 on a weekly basis, this started in November. He has never been fond of school and used to cry at the door up until middle of year 2. He then developed a routine at the door that he insisted was done the same way every morning and he happily walked into class. I think the routine which was a certain amount of kisses and cuddles in a certain order helped him cope to get through the door. Wonderful. He also loved the teacher in year 2 I have now found out.

Since year 3 everything seems to have gone drastically backwards. I can't even get him to school let alone to the classroom door .

On sch refusal mornings, I really perserve, he knows eventually he will have to go. It doesn't stop him. I get him in between 10:30 and 1pm.

He gets in such a state, I give him time to clam and then I try to move on with the routine of getting ready for sch and leaving house.

Sometimes he gets to front door and then freaks out running away to look himself in a room .

I have some of this on video, I have shown to school. Sch have witnessed Ds refusing as there have been times when he has been in car and having a meltdown and teachers have come out to help get him in.

His main difficulty seems to be playtimes and lunchtimes . School are trying , sort of, to make this easier for him. Obviously it is not working as the problem is still there.

One thing Ds seems to like albeit he still won't go is that when he is late his day is shorter.

I'm wondering if I should ask school if he can do reduced hours . I am not sure this is ideal as Ds will be missing out on education, but currently he is doing this anyway.

Does anyone elses dc have reduced sch hours?

I am applying for SA and THaNkYou to M'ners for the advice on this.

Ds went to bed tonight telling me he doesn't want to go to sch tomorrow, please can he just have one more day off. He needs to rest. He just can't do it. He wakes in the night literally in the middle of the night he wakes me up to ask me if it is school in the morning.

Hi again Sky!

When ds was school refusing, i did the following;-

Kept a diary of the mornings when i couldn't him there ie my attempts and his reaction and behaviour and how far we got ie did i manage to get him dressed, to the door, to the car etc etc and gave professionals a copy of this (i would have given one to school, but they refused to give me an email address)

I wrote to school, copying in all professionals asking them for a 'plan' ie how would they help me to get him to school, what support would he get IF i got him there. What would they do if he was showing signs of distress etc. Would someone be there to help me get him out of the car etc. The answer was no extra support, they expected ds to just come into the playground and line up like everyone else.

The advice of CAMHS was to try and get him there for one hour. This didn't work. School insisted what time that hour had to be. It didn't work.

The advice of CAMHS was to try and get him there, regardless of what time or for how long. School wouldn't agree to this.

The advice of CAMHS was to try and get him there at a time there was something going on that he enjoyed, avoiding the times he found stressful. School wouldn't agree to this.

School did eventually offer to provide a TA to help me get him out of the car and that a TA would stay with him for the hour, however they couldn't 'guarantee' this.

Hello again claw I am going to ask school to let me know by writing how they provide help for Ds both for his autism and academic struggles. This way I have it all infront if me.

I'm struggling with him again this morning, late for work again. Got to get this sorted for him and for my sanity.

We are awaiting camhs

Your Ds old sch sound awful.

Thanks for your reply

ds2 is on reduced hours. He does about 9.30 (meant to be earlier but this what we have compromised on) to 12.00. He is still reluctant to go but has stopped trying to jump out of the first floor window at school & is more relaxed at pick-up time so some improvement. We agreed to the reduced hours on the basis there would be a reintegration plan which has not yet happened but we have his annual review next week so hopefully will have some movement then.

They were awful!

With regard to CAMHS, I was just saying on another thread, they are a family service, so the emphasis will very much be on what YOU and what your DS can do and far less on what SCHOOL can do. There role is to help 'families' cope with behaviour, not educational specialists who make educational recommendations to school. They can advice on what your ds would find 'helpful' and offer pretty vague recommendations, such as work on social skills.

Also be prepared to tell them which 'strategies' you use when your ds refuses school. I found to start with they were very 'and how do you respond to that' and 'how does he respond when to that'. Which is why I kept a dairy.

Good idea about asking school to let you know in writing how they plan/are meeting your ds's needs.

I wrote to school telling them I had applied for SA and it was refused and I was considering appealling and asked

1. How school are going to meet ds’s needs as highlighted in various reports, without the aid of statement?

1. What actual input ds will be getting i.e. how much 1:1 and how much small group work?

1. Who will be implementing the 1:1 and the small group work and what training they have had?

School replied stating they couldn't meet all of his needs, as they didn't have the resources and would be happy to support any decision I made. Which is exactly what I needed them to say. (they did withdraw their support just before Tribunal, but we started off well!)

excuse my typos, im in a rush!

Did you still manage to get the statement even tho sch withdrew their support ?

I applied before for SA and lost at Tribunal ds was issued a NIL (without support of school, when they withdrew just before tribunal) I was naïve, totally my own fault, I could have kicked myself after!

I applied again, totally without the support of school (knew their tricks this time around!), in fact not only without their support, but with them blaming me for ds's difficulties and being quite spiteful. SA was refused, I appealed, LA backed down and issued a statement. Older and most definitely wiser second time around

Sounds like you did a very good job I hope I have the same success for my Ds.

3rd school day in a row today where Ds did not go in on time. I didn't manage to even get him in at all today, usually I do by lunchtime. It got to 12:15 and hours of talking, forcing, rewards, before I just had to get myself to work, I called my sister and he went to hers for the rest of the day. I can't keep being so late for work, jobs and autism do not go together. Ds clung to my bathroom radiator for over an hour he kept licking it. Is this a sensory thing? All he wanted to do when not clinging to rad was sit on his bed and read his book giving me the full breakdown of the facts he was reading over and over again .
I told him I would be getting some work for him from sch as for very hour he missed he would need to make up at home, he was ok about that, I hoped it would get him in but as long as he didn't have to do it at school he doesn't care.
I'm going to collect some work in the morning.
I went to the sch on my way to work today and said that I would not be bringing Ds in, he is really suffering. They were sympathetic. I can't bare living like this anymore, school refusal is awful. The reasons for it must be far worse a feeling for him though.

I am sure you will Sky.

It could well be a sensory thing, especially if anxious. I am sure ds's sensory issues rise quite a bit when anxious or that anxiety provokes sensory issues in him.

The over and over repetitive thing is something else that ds does too, particularly when anxious and trying to self soothe, he lines things up over and over or writes lists. I think it helps him to regain order and control in his mind.

and yep I can sympathise ds was out of school for a year, its a full time job in itself! I had to give up my studies, when ds stopped sleeping of a night. Essays and no sleep don't go together either!

Ds is usually very well behaved, extremely passive and overly compliant, he directs his feelings inwards, never outward with challenging behaviour as such, so for him to refuse to go to school etc things must have been really bad.

Collecting work sounds like a good idea, if your ds will do some work at home,as you are showing you are trying to provide some form of education.

Do you have a sympathetic GP? If so it might be worth explaining the situation to him/her and keeping them up to date, as you might need them later.

Hope your ds is ok and you get some peace soon.

My Ds lines things up to, sch say he lines all his pencils up rather nicely. The lists are non stop, lists everything ! My Ds is also usually well behaved, just rigid and inflexible which can sometimes look like being naughty . At sch they have always said he is an angel, which as glad as I am I think it set us back a bit with getting him help. Your right what you said about your Ds, as he is so compliant usually it's is a very bad sign refusing school. My Ds is petrified of his head teacher yet her telling him off for not coming to sch nicely now means nothing, upset him a lot and he no longer likes her . She is now on 0% . Everyone has a % with Ds. Haha. I'm upset she told him off that doesn't seem right to me. She is however a very controlling lady. I will be sending the letter in lately to clarify what support he is getting and to draft a plan for sch refusal days. I will also send the letter you suggested about getting senco to say she supports SA in writing. I'm feeling better today as looking like I'm going to get Ds into sch although late. Have a good day claw .

Sky, similar my usual well behaved boy who would usually do whatever was asked of him, regardless of how difficult or how much he struggled to do it, took a stand, he had had enough, it was like he exploded. I had to back that stand, as i had watched him suffer in silence, with only me understanding his difficulties for 4 years.

Sounds like you have plan and everything under control, well done and good luck with getting him to school.

Ah that's very sad about your Ds. Good Job he had a mother who was on the ball. Some don't.

It really shouldn't be like this we should not have to beg and plead and work our butts off to get them the help they so deserve and need.

Ds had a last minute meltdown at the front door. He is going in soon. I've had to do some work for my job so I'm doing it at home. He keeps saying he wants lunch here. He is happy to be gettting on with school work which is good. Kinda shows he likes to learn but just not at school :-(

I'm not ah spot senco hasn't bothered to contact me even through Ds has been very late in a lot and for the last four school days . I feel like this has all been left to me to sort out.

It is very sad, even sadder that ds literally had to get to the point of a mental break down before anyone took notice. Even then i was accused of being the cause of his difficulties by school and that was with a dx and long history including in various reports!

I was just about to say he is much happier in his new school, but i have just had a call from school to go and collect him, he is anxious, complaining of feeling sick and not being able to breath.

Off i go.

Good luck claw

What type of school is he at ?

How is your Ds? Hope all is ok x

He is ok, he was crying, clutching his stomach, throat, legs aching and saying he couldn't breathe, when I picked him up. No temperature, more of a panic attack or physical symptoms of anxiety I think.

However I took him straight to GP just to check there was no infection. I also wanted a referral for a blood test, as he isn't eating in school at all, he looks very pale, drained and tired and just run down.

Also for a referral to eye specialist, as he has been complaining of feeling sick and headache when reading in school and they need to do something.

He was fine within an hour of getting home. He is currently resting in bed, staying warm, with sweets, lots of drinks and TV, just in case he is sickening for something.

He goes to MS indi, with specialist support ie counsellor, SALT and OT, much smaller classes etc. He has made huge improvements compared to where he starting at. Still some way to go, but school are able to recognise his needs and work with me.

Awe bless him...your post makes me want to give hima big cuddle. Let's hope he feels better in the morning. It's great that you managed to secure him a place at a good school that can help him.
Was it hard getting your LA to agree to fund his place ?
Whereabouts are you in the country?
I didn't know you could get MS Indi schools that have so much support, is this rare? How old is your Ds? Ideally I would like my Ds to stay in MS as he is more than able to do so with right support.
Here's to your Ds having a better day tomorrow

Yes and no to getting the LA to agree to fund this place. They agreed to fund immediately, but that was only after 4 years of fighting to get a statement and 2 failed MS schools. In the end they had no choice.

I would rather not say on the boards where I am, but I am happy to pm you.

I don't think its rare, I should imagine most borough's have them. Its just a indi school, who attract a large amount of children with SN due to the services they can provide. Although you can only access these services if provision is in a statement. This school have been extremely good with providing access to the services, with a very vague statement. Ds is 9.

I think my ds is capable of MS with the right support, but saying that all kids with SN's would be capable of MS with the right support. That seems to be the problem, most state MS don't or wont provide the right support.

Did you manage to get your ds into school today?

and thanks Ds seems fine, although I will be keeping him home tomorrow, just so he can eat and drink and recoup a bit.