I am really really really really struggling with my son - :( Discipline wise. He is probable ASD.

[JesuslovesmethisIknow]

Son has (likely) high functioning autism.

He is ten and I am struggling to handle him. I am out of my depth and consider myself a capable(ish) momma.

He is driving me bonkers. I feel terrible saying that but he really is.

I sometimes feel he is trying to goad me.

He is so cheeky, rude, threatening aggressive, disdainful.

I am sick of his behaviour :(

and I know that sounds pathetic. PLEASE do not flame me :(

I don't know much about asd but lots of people on here recommend a book called the explosive child by Ross Greene. I am reading it at the mo and it is lovely. The basic tenet is that children always try to do their best and that the reason they explode is because they don't have the skills or ability to be able to deal with situations in an appropriate way.

Hope it helps and I am sure some people with more experience will be along in a min to help.

I will google that book thanks lovey.

Really appreciate you posting.

thanks.

yes, in process. finally.....

it looks as if he is high functioning autistic.

no, i will though, that is a good idea.

sometimes it does not seem to be anxiety based. It is more that he is not pleased with me or his dad or whoever and is making his feelings known.

It is the verbal nastiness I find hard and the threatening to hit me.

thank you . that is where i am going wrong.

he loves me yet he said 'youre not a mum, you are a no one'.

I wept.

then he said sorry mum, tomorrow will be a better day.

I guess i am anxious about getting it wrong and feel somehow it is my fault - that I made him this way. I love him but feel guilty as sometimes i dont like him. at all. he breaks my heart.

Jesus - sorry, no real advice as I struggle myself - but just wanted to say you're not alone. I also don't like my DS a lot of the time - it hurts, but that is how I feel. I try to do as Polter suggests and take his words with a large pinch of salt, but I don't always succeed. Although I know he doesn 't really mean it, emotions sometimes get in the way. Heaven forbid anyone else should criticise him though!!!

This is quite good Interesting (for me) that it's aimed at teachers, cos ds tends to bottle things up in school, then bring them home ready to explode.

The personal comments are just the 10y verbal equivalent of a 2y old kicking you. Not ideal, but safer to learn to ignore, and they probably don't mean anything much other than, "I feel angry and upset"

"I hate you and I wish you'd die" has just left ds's daily vocab.

(It helped me to silently reply sarcastically, "That's nice dear, I'll have to teach you to use the washing machine first, I think")

He's a actually quite a nice boy

I agree about not taking it personally.
Dd3 always gets angry with me before anyone else and yet she is like a limpet, suffers from separation anxiety and often doesnt want me to leave the house.

I think I get it in the neck because I am the main constant in her life, I am calm and unflinching when she is kicking off. Her dad tends to get cross with her and that frightens her even more (we are working on it)

One of the best bits of advice I was given was to see the anger and meltdowns as anxiety and panic, it really helped us to get a handle on Dd3's rages.

She still panics about things but I can usually calm her before she explodes at home. I cannot always calm her when she comes out of school though because she may have been stewing on something all day and so is ready to explode when I get her!!

In this situation I just try to stay calm and quiet and let the days challenges come out of her, we try to walk home if we can so that we do a slow transition from school back to home.

Good luck

Oh and we dont flame each other on here

thanks guys

good to know I am not alone.

watching 'make me normal' documentary on you tube, very interesting,

have you seen it?