problems at school gotten so bad

[definatlylosingmysanity]

Hi
My ds2 is 9 yrs old and has a dx of adhd he is due to be reassessed for asd as last time (18 months ago they said he had traits but they were not consistent enough for an asd dx but it would be re done as we were still working through finding him the correct adhd meds).

He has a statement and is currently in mainstream school and seriously isn't coping well. I have expressed my concerns for the past 2 years as some of the asd traits he seems to have cause him problems in a school situation. He doesn't react to change well at all, holidays are a nightmare as the change in routine make him anxious and much more impulsive and can make him aggressive. At school they have him changing classroom for certain lessons and even during week in the ones he stays in class for the teacher changes.

School was supposed to refer to a local sn school who go to mainstream schools and help them find ways to cope (not a great way to describe but these were schools words). Statement review was 3rd week of September last year and referral went in 2 weeks ago I found out. He is supposed to be working with the educational psychologist who is linked to the school to see if he can help ds cope better and the e.p is also supposed to be setting up the asd assessment referral.

We are under camhs and he has regular meds reviews he is currently on 30mg of atomoxitine.

Since ds went back to school after Christmas his behaviour has seriously deteriorated at school. I'm going in to calm him and most often bring him home as he has had a meltdown and needed to be restraint by at least 3 adults. As this is happening more and more his behaviour is being effected at home. He has had sleep problems since he was 6 months old and in the past 2 weeks alone there has been 2 nights where he has fallen asleep before 11. He is becoming aggressive to his siblings and seems really on edge.

We have had serious problems with bullying at school to the point I threatened school with the police ss and lea. Drastic I know but he was strangled 3 times with a skipping rope, chased into a cupboard and beaten, pushed over a fence 3 times and his head hit off a radiator. There has been more but these are the worst incidents. I did contact lea and an emergency statement review was called. I'm fully aware he isn't an angel and sometimes becomes aggressive verbally and physically with out a trigger and when he gets bored he just goes off and does what he wants to , I am trying to deal with these issues the best I can.

Things have come to a head now he was sent home last week, yesterday and today. Today however he has been excluded until Friday when I have to take him in and have a meeting with the senco before they will accept him back into school. This was a result of not listening having no regard for his or anyone else's safety (he was climbing on chairs, tables and cupboards throwing things around his classmates were removed from the room) and being verbally and physically aggressive to pupils and staff.

School say there was no trigger to this and when asked why he just says I don't know. I in no way condone or excuse his behaviour and he has been told there are consequences for this ie loss of pocket money no tv during school hours and I will be giving him so writing and maths work to do. He has accepted this.

My problem is since he was diagnosed 2 years ago all camhs seem to have been interested in is giving him medication. I understand that he does need it but I have repeatedly asked for some kind of therapy to help him understand how to behave and how to understand social situations and cues. Ds has a habit of being over friendly and wanting to hug everyone, has problems looking at people, he has absolutely no danger awareness and he can't understand the concept of teamwork/sports or jokes and he can sympathise with people ofter the fact but can't empathise if that makes sense.

I have taken numerous parenting courses including the triple p but I'm struggling to help him understand the basic social skills he needs and I'm not sure who I should be asking. I'm really stuck and have finally hit a brick wall. I don't want to tell anyone how to do their job but how can I make them realise that medication alone isn't working for him and he needs to be taught certain things in I way that I obviously don't know how too.

Sorry for the epic post didn't want to drip feed and think I may have ranted slightly

Sounds like a lot of accumulated anxiety is building up and then something minor cases a meltdown.

ask for autism outreach to attend school to give advice . The fact that it has already been agreed your ds has autistic traits and is being assessed for asd should be enough to call them in.

there is always a reason for a meltdown....but most of the time we look for the frigger in significant or obvious causes and miss it

my ds suffers from accumulated anxiety...so lots of little things irritate, annoys, confuse and distress him until he is so anxious he finally explodes at next to nothing. There are therefore multiple triggers, all of which can lead to a meltdown if the underlying level of anxiety is high.

Ask school to refer to occupational health to check out any sensory processing issues...

I think you need to be investigating alternative school setttings for your son as we have found that ds1's behaviour dramatically improved when he was permanently excluded and sent to a BESD school. I think we are lucky that the BESD school in our area sis excellent and meets the needs of children on the spectrum well but it is clear in your son's case that the mainstream school is not meeting your sons needs and a more specialist setting may be beneficial.

We did see some minor improvement with things like bringing ds2 home for lunch or allowing him to opt out of playtimes but it was a bit like a sticking plaster to cover a gaping wound - the cracks soon reappeared.

One thing we did learn was not to punish at home for incidents at school as this just increased the stress levels and we needed to keep home a safe place for them. We also found the reintegration interviews were a double edged sword - ds2 in particular became so stressed during one he reoffended within 30 minutes - I hadn't even had time to put the kettle on!

To end on a positive note - we were absolutely despairing with ds1 this time last year to the point where we wondered if he had some kind of degenerative disease but now he is happy, enjoys school and we have our lovely son back. Now all we have to do is sort ds2 out!

Your story sound very similar to my son's last year at school, except I found school staff, not the kids to be the worst offenders as regards bullying.

Seriously I'm not suprised that with that level of bullying his anxiety is through the roof. If an adult was strangled at work, you certainly wouldn't expect the victim to return! Will medicating him suddenly create a force field around him to keep him safe? He has endured some very serious incidents that would impact any child's mental well being and behavior, ASD/ADHD or not.

It's beyond obvious school cannot meet his needs.

My own kid is now doing school online which has removed all the sensory issues. He's thriving and happy with no meds and no cahms input (in my old area they had NO understanding of ASD type issues). www.briteschool.co.uk caters for this age group, but at secondary there are several options if you look at the home ed boards. Mine has no adhd but does have other neuro disabilities, inc' a diagnosed sleep disorder.

What area are you in? Forum members might be able to suggest units or SS.

If you are near London St Thomas's has a sleep clinic under Dr Paul Gringrass - a referral to it might help as they are experts.

Hi, when my son hit 9 this is when school placement for him broke down as he struggled to cope. His sensory issues reached overload and he would end up vomiting to avoid school. A year later he is in an independent school and is thriving and happy.

It does sound as though the school are not meeting his needs. I would be seeing what else is available locally. Do you have any schools with asd units? Or any suitable special schools? How is he academically?

I would question whether you want him back there, next Monday.

While SENCO will probably want agreements about behaviour, etc, you need to push (in writing, prior to the meeting) for SENCO to initiate some changes from their side. As a matter of priority, they need either the special school outreach to come, ASAP, rather than whenever. As has been mentioned, the LA should provide an ASD advisory service, who need to be called in to provide the school with concrete advice. The LA may even have an inclusion advisor, whose input will be relevant, since your DS is being excluded so frequently. Your DS is vulnerable and his behaviour is dangerous, so the level of supervision needs to be stepped up as a matter of urgency.

And it's definitely time to go school shopping. Research LA and independent specialist schools. The mainstream school he's at don't seem particularly interested in even trying to meet his needs.

Thank you for all the replies .

I'm going to go through them all again and write down all the suggestions and put them to school, camhs and gp and keep on at them until someone does something as things can't carry on the way they are.

Boc I'm in Preston Lancashire but will have a look for clinics on Google.

Ourvye I don't really have much choice in sending him back was told that when I told them that was my intention after last bad incident.
The sen school outreach is to help assess that mainstream school isn't for him which is hard as school have said on numerous occasions they can't cope and now they have started excluding him if it happens another 2 times he will be permanently expelled.