Could you help me work out what's "wrong" with DD aged 5 please?

[AwfulMaureen]

She's struggled academically since she began school and is now in year 1. She's been getting help with reading and maths and yesterday I was told they're putting her on an IEP mainly for maths as her reading has improved massively since she got glasses last year in late winter.

Now DD is a handful...she's very articulate and sociable. She's extremely popular, loves her friends and doing so well socially...school say she is kind, gentle, has a great sense of humour and loves arts and playing outside.

SHe's also (to my mind) clumsy...bumps into stuff a lot...but on the flip side she is a very good dancer, drummer and can beat anyone in a race.

She had a habit of eating mud and plaster which she stopped aged 4.

She has massive tantrums at home when she doesn't get her way but never, ever in school...there she is biddable, happy and a keen learner so they say.

The teacher said she seems to have trouble retaining information...I've noticed this too...I teach her a sound or a number and then 10 minutes later she's forgotten...or makes wild guesses.

What does this sound like? Her sister struggled a bit too...and is quirky...but at age 9 is now flying academically and socially...I feel silly getting upset over an IEP as I know it's there to help DD but I don't want her to struggle.

I know compared to some this is nothing...and that I should shut up...but I just want to be forearmed if there is some kind of disorder and thought that if anyone would know, it's you lot!

Hmm, I'm no expert in this but there are a couple of similarities with a friend's ds who has recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia - the difficulty retaining information and the 'clumsiness' mainly. But she sounds great on the whole, and imho these are difficulties which can pretty easily be helped. An IEP is a positive thing, really - I understand parents don't want their child to be in any way 'different' but you could also look at it as her getting extra attention (who wouldn't want their child to get that in a large class?!) which will really benefit her.

You could also help at home with eg visual timetables (they probably do this at school for all children, most classrooms in Y1 have them). For recall, you could try making games from new things she's learnt - eg you teach her new word/number then do drawing of that new word, or get her to draw that number (the one you've just taught her) of butterflies or something. This might help retain the information. Or use mini smarties to help demonstrate a new sum, then when she's done the sum, she gets to eat the smarties.

In school the teacher could put in place some simple things to help too, eg teacher giving instructions to whole class on the carpet, then asking 'random' children (but asking dd more than others) to repeat back the instructions. This wouldn't pick her out of the class, but would help her focus. Also the classroom assistant could be asked to check with dd when she gets to her table that she remembers what the instruction was. If you're having input into the IEP (which you should be), you could suggest something like this?

Very good advice from polter

"She has massive tantrums at home when she doesn't get her way but never, ever in school...there she is biddable, happy and a keen learner so they say"

That is an indicator to me that her needs are not being met and school do not recognise there could be some sort of underlying learning and or co-ordination issue. Many school staff are not skilled or trained enough to spot children who have additional needs and who are both quiet and compliant. Such children get ignored in a classroom setting and their needs go unmet.

Was the root cause of her PICA behaviour (the eating of non food items) ever properly determined?.

SENCO could call in the Ed Pysch to see your DD but you need to remember that the EP cannot make any diagnosis; they can only make recommendations re educational needs.

I would ask the GP rather than a school nurse to refer you to both a developmental paediatrician and an OT. If you can pay privately to see an OT so much the better as waiting lists can be very long.

Thank you all so much. Bialystock the teacher said that when she is giving instructions she often finds DD and her friends chatting so she's going to separate them as she thinks DD is missing a lot of instructions through that.

I do think asking her to repeat the instructions would help...I might mention that.

Polter I did keep thinking of Dyspraxia....I am also very clumsy, have a hard time retaining anything numerical and also have no sense of direction. My older DD has no DX but she COULD be on the spectrum if you ask me.

She's also extremely articulate, spoke early and has a sophisticated understanding of language...but she's also prone to noise sensitivity (as am I!) and to sensory issues. She's learned the "tricks" of friendship...I'm keeping a close eye on her...but she seems to be doing rather well tbh...and has expanded her social circle enormously. DD2 is like her opposite...doing well socially early on and not so well academically!

Atilla she's anything but quiet at school but is a real force...very outspoken and always contributing...the Pica (I had it too) was never seen to....it just stopped as did mine. With me it was also mud...nothing else...but DD ate more "wall" than floor and then she suddenly gave up on it.

Her diet is shit. She eats cucumber, potatoes in any form, oranges, bread, peanut butter and pasta as well as beans and pastry and cheese. No meat but will eat fishfingers.

I am eliminating all processed foods...I've told her no more sweets...maybe on the weekend...but in the week I'd like to see if she makes any improvements.

No...I've not read that...will check it out though...thanks!

It is hard not to worry but I am aware that even if she does have "something" it is far less of a worry than many have. It's all relative though isn't it? Nobody wants their child to struggle in any way....but the reality is that all people have something to contend with.

I'd just like to tell you all what I did last night and today...I played number games with her...and last night she seemed to have got numbers 11, 14, 16, 17,18 and 19 down...I wondered if she would retain it though...but this morning she had retained it...tonight I played a different game and she's added 12 and 13 to her repetoire.

I am surprised. Why hasn't she retained it in school? Surely school has ways of teaching them this? I thought it would be much harder than this! An IEP that states "To learn to recognise and order numbers 11 to 20" made me think that she'd have REAL issues with it....but she hasn't.

There must be more to it than this...are IEPs really this simple at this age?

Ah! Well they never explained that to me! Thank you! So when she's got this done, then something else will be put down...that's why it's reviewed every 2 months? Seems a long time...

Also, you may have just highlighted a big issue for her. Presumably you were playing the game in a quiet room? In class she had the noise of 30 children to process at the same time as concentrating on the numbers.

That did cross my mind to be honest...but she's not noise sensitive and she does seem happy to work with me even when the rest of our household is busy. I'm wondering if it's just a case of her having missed loads in reception due to the glasses issue and then me being a bit crap at working at home with her....in addition to her chatty nature in class...the numbers we've studied over the past 2 evenings have been retained well...and I must say I do feel relief about that as I don't want her to struggle with retaining things! I will be watching and waiting to see if she manages to show this in class though....if she doesn't then I will certainly speak to the teacher about this...and perhaps get her ears looked at?