if I go through the diagnosis procedure with DD then every professional will assume I'm a useless parent won't they?

[Meglet]

It's going to happen isn't it. Every expert I see will assume I'm the problem and I haven't got a clue about parenting and 5yo DD's 'problems' (looking like aspergers) are all my fault .

I believe the GP has referred us to the peadiatric occ health team, CAMHS won't deal with her as she's so young. The GP was pretty patronising when I was asking for some support.

To my surprise we haven't yet had a professional who has blamed my sons problems on dh and I. To be honest I wish it was down to bad parenting because that would be a darned site easier to fix. Keep a diary of behaviour or a list of concerns with examples and that will help to get you taken seriously.

It's never ever been hinted at that DS's issues are in anyway related to our parenting skills, and we have seen a lot of professionals over the years, starting from when he was aged 2.

I think it has felt like that occasionally, when they ask questions like, is there much arguing at home?, asking how happy you are as a family, that sort of stuff, but only very briefly.

school however.......... I am eternally glad that DD1 is so completely fine there...

If the GP has referred you then 'smile and nod' - they have no expertise that can be of any use.

If not, see a different GP in the practice, and make sure you are referred.

Have a look at the CAST questionnaire to see what areas the comm paed will require information on. Give an example for each one - positive and negative.

SALT and OT objective measures can also be useful in this regard as there are often markers (difficulties with social/functional/expressive language, difficulties with higher level language comprehension, hypermobility, difficulties with proprioception) that are not the result of parenting of any kind.

psychology-tools.com/cast/

No one has ever said that to me. We even went on an ASD parenting course recently, but it was emphasised many times right at the start that none of this is caused by bad parenting.

(As the others have said GPs are not experts, so can say some pretty unknowledgeable things).

also - I suspect I felt like that because I blame myself anyway, so why shouldn't other people.

ah, you've all perked me up now .

Thank you for the link keepon.

I've scored her as 26 out of 31 on that test. Which is what I expected.

Professionals ime are fine.

Schools are another matter!

Meglet We have had school staff blame us for DS's difficulties and we were expecting the same as you but when going through the assessment process we were actually reassured that we were good parents, none of Ds's difficulties were 'our fault', and we were sensitive to our DS's needs.

They know what to look for - not what to ignore as some do

I agree the teaching staff are the ones to look out for. I was referred as an urgent case to SS. Ds1 is now in Indi ss.

Contact with profs whilst the child is young should mitigate against a knee jerk reaction at school.

When DS1 did his final play assessment, we had pretty much the opposite experience. The psychiatrist leading the assessment came out and said that we must be permanently exhausted!

Hopefully it will be the opposite. .with a diagnosis people will understand behaviour and not blame your parenting.

Meglet, we're in the same position, also 26/31. We've got to believe that someone, somewhere, will listen.

Our parenting ability was never in question. If anything it was the opposite and some things I’d thought were just me being incompetent turned out to come from DS's ASC.

We did get referred to a parenting group while we were waiting to be seen, and I felt a bit but in fact the group and the leader were really supportive. Before DS's problems were properly assessed I didn't know what he was struggling with and I didn't know what he could and couldn't do, which of my expectations were reasonable and which weren't. The group helped me get through that stage.

School says she's fine, so it's all on my shoulders at the moment. They've witnessed a couple of her meltdowns before and after school. Nothing has happened in school so far. It's parents evening in March, I'm expecting the usual "she's fine! a bit stubborn but she's doing well!"..

meglet ds1's current teacher didn't see his issues until he returned after Christmas and he just couldn't hold it in until home time (which was what happened before). Teachers cannot give or take away a diagnosis, you may have to fight your dd's corner though.

How good is the cast test do you guys think?

meglet I'm sorry the GP treated you like that.

teafor1, I don't know, but I did it as objectively as I could for both dd2 and dd3. dd2 (who I have concerns for) scored 26 out of 31 and dd3 (who I have boo concerns for) scored 4 out of 31.

Thanks Lougle. Good idea to do it for both of them. I hadn't thought of that. I have no concerns at all about my my dd so it will be interesting to compare my ds score to hers.

Hi meglet I have a Dd with Asd she is 11 and very rarely shows any sign of her difficulties at school.

1 or 2 memebers of staff truely get it and have been able to help but I do feel that some think that it is me who has the issues not Dd3.

Fortunately we now have a good team of Proffs around Dd3 Paediatrician, SALT and OT and so I have talk to them and the senco and the Head and Deputy who are both on board.

You really only need one Proff to get it and then you should be fine. If anyone judges your parenting just stay strong and tell them you believe she has special needs and you are seeking assessments.

Good luck