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An odd feeling (a bit rambling, sorry)

8 replies

NewBlueCoat · 23/01/2014 15:21

We just sold our house. Well, we've accepted an offer anyway. We don't even live there, thanks to having to chase provision for dd1, and haven't love there for oooh, 5 years or so.

We couldn't ever move back (wrong county) and have always rented it out. And now we've sold it as could do with freeing up some cash (although there's precious little equity in it).

It feels odd. That was the house we moved into with a baby dd1 when we can back from abroad. We chose it as it was near the school we were going to send dd1 to (before life intervened - best laid plans!). It was the first house we bought as a family home. It was the house where all those ideals were going to happen (you know, the cheeky smily toddler romping through meadows in white clothes ideals Hmm Grin).

It shouldn't matter that we've sold it. And my he'd tells me it doesn't. But there's a small part of me sad. I guess it's another step in the grieving process; another little thing along the path of SN.

I really didn't expect to feel like this. It has always irked me that we had to move away, and that we can no longer love were we would choose to live (wouldn't get the same provision for dd1. Absolutely no way). So I thought I would feel better if we sold it - no more irritation that we can't love in our own house, iyswim? But it feels more final. Another step away from the life we would have had if it wasn't for bastard autism.

Still, on the bright side, hopefully I can finally get something resembling a kitchen in our 'new' house (that we've owned for nearly 2 years now...). Well, once we've actually sold it I can, anyway!

OP posts:
NewBlueCoat · 23/01/2014 15:22

Excuse typos - phone!

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ProfJamesMoriarty · 23/01/2014 15:38

It does matter. I feel sad every time I have to visit our old house from which we had to move out to chase better provision for ds1.

I can relate to every single thing in your post. We have followed a very similar path to yours, although not as far ahead in the journey. Nothing else to say but empathise and a big F*ck you to Autism who took away our beautiful boy and everything we ever dreamed of. Angry

NewBlueCoat · 23/01/2014 15:50

Thanks, Prof.

It's all a bit muddled. We wouldn't still be in that house even if we hasn't had to chase provision. Our house now is far nicer.

But still. It (the loss of that life) hurts. Even now.

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bluebirdonmyshoulder · 23/01/2014 17:43

I don't think your feelings are odd at all. Selling a house is a milestone and it's natural to look back at a milestone. The difference with you is that you're looking back and noticing all the experiences that DIDN'T happen due to autism.

Be kind to yourself for the next couple of weeks, these feelings have a funny (not in a good way) way of impacting upon you sometimes.

Thanks
NewBlueCoat · 23/01/2014 18:12

Thanks, bluebird. I know what you mean re: selling a house being a milestone, but it made me Grin - I've lived in well over 20 different houses in my life, and I'm still in my 30s! Moving house is what I do (dh too) - clearly nomadic by nature (and training, due to upbringing).

But yes, it does signal the end of a chapter which started out so full of hope and promise, but ended up going down a very different road than the one we'd planned. And our hopes got readjusted along the way.

hey, the sale may yet fall through, and we'll be stuck with it for a while longer! (peculiar house - very large for the area, yet not as period as the rest of the area dictates. it's been on the market a while...)

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bluebirdonmyshoulder · 23/01/2014 19:52

Well in your case it's a hobby, not a milestone!

Grin
lougle · 23/01/2014 19:57

I can understand that, newblue. It doesn't matter how old our children get we'll still experience firsts we didn't intend to and lasts we didn't want to. It sucks Thanks

salondon · 23/01/2014 20:20

Hugs. It's not easy.

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