Possible ADHD/Autism.....HELP!

[TraceyErica1977]

Hi there! I'm wondering if anyone out there would be able to give me some advice please? Now this is going to be a long one so I'll apologise in advance. I have a little boy who has just turned 3 last month, he's in the process of being assessed for possible ADHD and Autism by my HV and a lady from the specialist needs early years team. But I'm feeling so let down, that I've lost all faith in them and their "professional" opinion. So far I've been told that he can't be autistic because he's "too loving" is this correct? Both me and my other half have had our parenting skills criticized. I've given them a list of behaviours that he's exhibiting that was 2 A4 pages long and they've just seemed to gloss over it. Some of the behaviours are:
Walks on tiptoes nearly all the time (it's not as bad when he has shoes on but it's still there to some extent)
Shouts all the time (his voice is either painfully high pitched or very monotone)
Hits himself sometimes for no apparent reason.
Has a speech delay. It's not the amount of words he uses because that's fine, but he can't string a sentence together and still babbles a lot of the time.
Is not potty trained yet (he has no concept of what's going on down there)
Cries a lot! (I thought this should have lessened by now but maybe that's just me)
Attacks his older brother. He will slap, kick climb and jump all over him, he also throws things at him.
Throws things around a lot, and will bang, clatter and break everything he gets his hands on.
Jumps all over people and furniture.
If he's told off for doing something wrong/dangerous he will laugh in our faces!
Lines cars and food up.
Is VERY obsessed with cars, he has to take them everywhere with him and we have tantrums because he can't take them to bed.
Has quirks, or little things that he just has to do....the latest is making sure the lid on the loo is put down and all the doors are shut upstairs before he'll come down.
Has always had strange phobias, a few of them were, lifts, the hoover, the noise velcro makes, dogs barking and snow on the TV to name a few.
Has unlimited energy....he will literally run around all day non stop.
Is funny with some textures of food....grapes, jelly, eggs, pasta and he will physically heave on mashed potato.
If one of us is going in to another room he will rugby tackle us out of the way so he can get in there first.
Will repeat a word endlessly until we repeat it back to him.
These are not all of the things he does as I'd be here forever lol. I'm new to all of this so am having to take the "professionals" word for it and I feel like I'm being fobbed off to a certain extent. It doesn't help his/my case when he's as good as gold when he's around unfamiliar people or in unfamiliar places. I've gotten to the point where I'm even beginning to question my own judgement I guess I just need need someone to tell me it will be OK and that I'm not losing my marbles Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and once again apologies for the mammoth message. Thanks in advance xx

Bump.

Hi and welcome to the board.

Firstly being loving or not is not on the diagnostic criteria for Asd! My Dd3 is spectacularly loving towards me to the point that she suffocates me sometimes.

Her cuddliness is mainly on her terms though and that is common with Asd, she will cuddle if she wants to but not on demand.

Secondly all children with Asd are different and are individuals, the health care proffs should know that.

Try gathering video and diary evidence. We had success with our diary when Dd3 was being assessed.
We recorded any behaviour/anxiety issues, what caused them and how we managed them.
Also remember you are parenting your other child too and not having the same issues. Remind the Proffs of that too.

Good luck

Well, the good news for you is that your HV and the play worker cannot make a diagnosis of ASD or ADHD. They are only able to help with the screening process and refer you onto someone with the relevant qualifications and experience.

"Too loving" is a complete myth. Both of my boys are extremely affectionate. The way they show that affection is not always typical or appropriate, though.

Have you spoken to your GP, or was your HV your first port of call? The way diagnostic services are organised varies according to where you are in the country, but a common approach is a multidisciplinary approach, with a paediatrician (preferably with a developmental specialism) taking the lead.

Try not to feel to offended about the parenting skills comment. If your DS does have a neurologcal disorder, then you have to learn some pretty smart parenting skills, in order to survive. DS1 has ASD and ADHD and was just the sort of whirlwind you describe, when he was small. When i was asked if we needed any advice with managing his behaviour, i had to point out that we do manage it very well, most of the time, it's just that there's an awful lot of behaviour to have to manage.

While you're trying to get somethign to happen, it's well worth reading up on sensory integration or sensory processing. The out of sync child is a good all round book on the subject, though this website is a good starting point. It will explain a lot of what you're experiencing.
www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

Thank you for your reply Ineedmorepatience (am loving the name btw, as I too need some more of that)
I have started to gather, photographic and video evidence and have also started a behaviour diary (if it achieves nothing more than me being able to vent my frustrations then it was more than worth it) I have done this mainly because I feel that nobody believes me when I tell them the way he is, because every time they turn up to assess him he's as good as gold so I just wanted to prove that I'm not losing the plot.

Thank you for your reply ouryve. My HV was my first port of call, she did an initial assessment in our home and came to the conclusion as she put it "there's definitely something wrong in his world" Now she's seems to have backtracked since the lady from the specialist needs early years team has been involved. I have made an appointment with my GP to go over their heads which is on the 6th Feb so am in the process of getting all my evidence in order at the moment.
That's the problem with me though....I'm not coping very well and I find it hard to manage my DS he's so big and strong for his age that I can barely lift him any more
As I say, he's 3 now and it's still like having a 12 month old that has just learnt to walk around the house (he will constantly mess with things that I thought he would have learned by now not to.) Maybe I'm expecting too much
His behaviour has gotten worse over the last month or so and he's starting to be more aggressive towards me, which he has never done before now.
Thanks for the advice and I will check that link out now