ok someone give me a plan......

[Handywoman]

because dd2 is turning into a total hermit! she got a Nexus tablet from Father Christmas on which she plays Minecraft. Her other obsession pastime is playing Harry Potter on the Wii. She will lose herself and will not respond to questions and I think would skip meals if I didn't intervene! When she has to come off all hell can break loose. Transitions (me counting down or using the time her) send her into meltdown just as much as actually getting her off. I know I have created a monster here, partly because dd2 can be stressed after school, partly because I have been working on a module for uni which is work related and has been stressful - it's now done but has been convenient to 'park' dd2 in front of a screen for a couple of hours over the past month bad mother. Please someone give me a plan of how to introduce limits and structure! She's so 'all or nothing' I can't figure out how to do this! I have started a sticker chart for getting her self ready for school/bed on her own and not making a fuss. But I need something relating directly to screen time. Am grateful for any thoughts and the odd flaming

Ohhh - no advice, handy.

dd1 got a trainset (trains with batteries) for x-mas. Would not eat, would not go to bed, no interaction. Just sitting on front of the trains watching them going round in circles. Massive tantrums at every attempted transition.

in the end we pulled the plug. Trainset went bag to the loft. Only took a 3h marathon tantrum for Dd to calm down again.

Would love to re-introduce the train but really don't know how. [Hmm]

How are her time-telling skills, Handy?

Ok. BUT if I set a finishing time it would make no difference. It would still be 'not fair'. Her impulse control around Minecraft/Wii is extremely poor. This week I took the Wii privilege away due to meltdown city. Currently working on rewarding lack of meltdowns for clearly set out limits. No real success yet.

Ok....are the meltdowns real meltdowns, or are they just explosive tantrums - I mean, does she suffer long term effects from them, or are they just horrible when they happen but she gets over it quite quickly?

I'm thinking that if it's just horrific tantrums, then you may need to ride them out. If they're true meltdowns, then I'd question whether the benefit of minecraft/Harry Potter was worth the damage of the meltdown.

I'm just musing though. No real advice.

Well they aren't total blind rages but they do massively stress her out. She panics and rants and then it spills over into the rest if the evening etc. am aware I may have to drastically limit her use.

We used to get this problem all the time with ds and the laptop/consoles and we limited him anyway! Every time it was time to stop he'd explode. We stopped him playing at one point. When we reintroduced it we told him that he had x amount of time (timer in front of him) and reminders throughout his playing of time left (I know you do all this already). We also told him that he would be able to go on the next day IF we could trust him to behave when it was time to stop and not throw/try to damage whatever he was playing on. He found it hard and although we got all the verbal and everything else he (mostly) managed to do it. Slowly, very slowly he got better. Meltdowns got shorter and quieter. It has taken a looong time but now when the timer goes off he says "I just need to do a crash". generally he does it (sometimes messing about) and gives the controller up now. We give him the crash at the end as it gives him a little control and means he's happy to stop

She's 8 zzzzz. Negotiation skills away from the game: unreliable because she's often overtaken with impulse/panic. She only gets to play in the evening for an hour or two. (I know this is probably too much but she gets completely absorbed). Other things she would do would be crafty/making or drawing something. Or fiddling with bottle tops/marbles. Can't wait for the weather to improve so she can go back to using the trampoline!!!!

OK so we used the Incredible Five Point Scale book, she chose her scale and I chose mine! Talked about getting to bed on time and getting enough sleep and whether Mummy also might get to number three on the scale when dd2 is finding it difficult to stop playing. So now the new rule is 60mins tops which has to be earned. Any protests about coming off will cost her ten minutes from the next day's 60 minutes.... am actually impressed she managed to cope with the conversation itself tbh. I thanked her for letting us having this conversation

phew

we will see....

I do similar to Blueeyedmonster and it mostly works. (ds2, asd, age 6)

Maybe you could try a button system. She gets say 20 buttons a week, each button is worth 30 minutes. When she wants to play on the Wii or Minecraft, she gives you a button. When time is up and you're letting her know it's time to finish up, give her the button jar and ask her to hold on to it until next time.

Sometimes, in the head of an ASD child, a 'just for now' thing can seem like a 'never again' thing. Seeing the buttons might show her that she's not stopping forever, just until next time and she has plenty of buttons left.

Thanks zzzzz tonight was better. She was allowed the a Nexus in the car while we collected elder sis from netball. She is still not able to modify her behaviour enough yet to 'earn' screen time. When we got back in, I gave her 7 mins to take uniform off, fold clothes, put undies in the wash and put onesie on. We are now doing morning showers to avoid evening tantrums over washing. Anyway. Despite telling her 'if you get ready by 19:45 you can play on your Nexus until 2000h' however she did not actually comprehend that she had to get ready by a certain time. Obv we need to settle into a system which we have not done yet. She did play for a bit and when I said at 2000h time to stop she got extremely cross.. BUT, I simply took it away and stuck it on a high shelf. I went looking for buttons today (no success). But although a system is not there yet she is learning that I am not compromising and that there are strings attached. Nintendo Wii is now for weekends only. I am getting there.... slowly.....