Please read.

[HoneyCupcakes]

I am at the end of the line with my 7oy I don’t know what to do, I am just hoping that someone else here is going through the same situation with their son/daughter

My DS has been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD he attends a specialist school for children with behavioural problems, I don’t believe that he has any behavioural problems he is just behaving the way he does because he can.

Today when I went to collect him I was held back by his teacher for her to tell me that him and a few other boys in his class have been bullying a boy so badly that he doesn’t want to attend school anymore, I am disgusted but it is no shock to me, when I asked him why he had been bullying the child in question, he looked at me like I was crazy and as if he didn’t know what I was speaking about, every time he does something wrong that is what he does, he will act like he doesn’t know what I am talking about and carry on as if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

He is just making my whole life a misery, I don't like going out during the day whilst he is at school, because I can’t go far incase I get a phone call from his school telling me to come and collect him, just before he broke up for the Christmas holiday he attacked one of his teaching assistants with a pair of scissors it wasn’t too serious but she did need medical attention, and in the past he has pulled out knifes on me, and he frequently does and does try to attack me, I also have a 2 year old from my current partner, he has never ever been violent towards him or tried to hurt him but he has injured my partner many of times.

I don’t even like taking him out in public, it always resorts to him running away or hiding, me having to buy him something to keep him quiet, if I don’t it will just resort into him sulking or embarrassing me. This has been going on for too long I have tried everything but nothing seems to work, it feels like I am going through a nervous break down due to him and it is not fair on my 2 year old as I can't take him out during the day. There is so much more that I want to write but it is just going to anger me more.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzz Doors are always locked, I need to get some safety locks. I say I can't look at him because I am angry. I have ordered some books on ADHD and OCD today, and I am going to wait for help from social services.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz you asking these questions is really making me think. I do need to face up to the fact that he has a disability and is not just being awkward maybe I am in denial. I am angry with him due to the way he behaves. I have no idea why the school created that incident they were wrong they should have let him go when he asked to. I took him to Westfield for a day out, we have been before. I have stopped him from watching horror movies I guess I was just allowing him to watch them to keep him quiet pathetic I know. I will make sure that he no longer has access to the knives. And as for the window I will make sure the ones in his bedroom are locked. And yes for years I have believed he is just being awkward I will face up to the fact that he isn't and he needs help. Thanks for making me see sense.

[ouryve]

It really is helpful to bear in mind that that boy who is lashing out, locking himself away and trying to escape is doing it because he's frightened. His brain is not filtering and processing information from the world around him and the situations he is in in the way that it should be. Every single thing will be blown up out of proportion and he is unable to rationalise himself back down to Earth. He is experiencing an adrenaline rush and so he panics and does the first thing he can work out how to do in that panic situation. That will be to either attack (physically or with words) or flee.

I'm glad you're seeking outside help, as you clearly have reached crisis point due to being handed a major diagnosis for a difficult but vulnerable child, then just left to get on with it. You and your DS have been failed, massively, here.

I'm glad you're finding ways of educating yourself, too. If your DP lives with you or hopes to live with you, then you need to learn together, so you can support each other. He can't spend your DS's entire childhood staying at arms length from him because he's too difficult. That's no way to be a family. This is an opportunity for your DP to try to form a bond of trust with your DS.

[OddFodd]

Honey - when my DS tells me he hates me and wishes he were dead, it makes me feel awful and like I've failed as a parent. I also can get really exasperated when he is fine one minute and freaks out the next. Or that I have to make him hold my hand constantly when we're out. It's bloody hard work parenting a child with a neurological disability.

i hope you manage to access the support you and he need.

[HoneyCupcakes]

PolterGoose I know that Zzzz, you and everyone else is here trying to help me. Today hasn't gone so well I took DS1 and DS2 for a walk to the park just to get some fresh air. DS1 run away out of site and hid I was frantic walking around the park looking for him for over an hour. When I found him I did shout very loudly at him, I didn't mean to it just happened wish I didn't because it resorted in him hitting me, felt embarassed as a few people walking past with their perfect toddlers stood staring at me, I literally had to drag him home. He hit his head of the wall again a few times, I did manage to calm him down when I asked him why he has started doing it, he said "it makes me feel better, makes it stop" when I asked him makes what stopped he shut down on me again. I feel dreadful that he is hurting himself to make himself feel better. I don't want him hurting himself I don't know how and why I have let things get this serious.

[mummytime]

A lot of people self harm because the pain distract them from other pain which they can't handle. Eg. people with PTSD who cut themselves.

He is very very young, so won't be able to explain very well. Things will come out in dribs and drabs.

Something that a friend of mine recommends (paediatric nurse) is a star chart. You have one, and the aim is for you as a parent to add 10 stars a day for things he does right. It is your responsibility to spot good behaviour and to praise him for it. They can be really minor like "asking, not shouting" or "putting your own shoes on", or "letting DS2 talk to Mummy".
It can also help you know at the end of the day, that however rubbish it has been at least something "okay" happened.

[claw2]

Honey ds self harms and was a danger to himself at one point.

1. When he is threatening to hurt himself, hurting himself, hurting others etc, etc. Take him to A&E for an emergency mental health assessment. He will then be seen within 7 days by CAMHS for follow up assessment, they HAVE to do this.

1. You have to have a safety plan. For ds this involved removing knifes, scissors, tablets etc from out of his reach. It involved locking doors and windows so he couldn't get out. It involved not leaving the house, if it increased his self harming. It involved taking him into my bedroom and locking it from the inside, so he couldn't wander and hurt himself in the middle of the night. Changing the locks on the bathroom, so I could open from outside, if he locked himself in etc, etc.

1. You have to get him some help and as ZZZZ said you have to educate yourself about his disorders.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Hi, just an update, took DS to school today I was approached by the angry mother of the boy my DS and such and such his partner in crime disgusted by the things she told me, her son comes home in bruises apparently my DS stood on his fingers. I was honest with her I explained that I am having a hard time controlling him and I am seeking help, I apologised for the things he has done to her son, she then told me that her and a few other mothers will be setting up a petition to get my DS and this other boy in question, as they have been bullying other child. If you were to see my DS you wouldn't see him as a threat to other child you'd think he would be a victim to bullies, he is normal height for a 7 year old but weighs the weight of a 4 year old as he is underweight. Social Services came to visit me just after 10am they will be allocating us with a social worker and I will be attendinf groups that will teach me how to deal with my sons behaviour which I am looking forward to, she also said that she can place DS2 into a nursery so he is not stuck at home all day I was a little nervous about them coming to visit me but I am glad they did. I didn't get a phone call from DS's school today asking me to collect him so I assumed he had, had a good day. When I went to collect him they had a list of things to tell me what he'd done such as he wouldn't eat his packed lunch (this is a regular thing) he wouldn't come in after break time, he wouldn't sit down on the mat for story-time (he wanted to sit on the chair) they let the same problem happen what they let happen last week happen again today referring to not letting him use the bathroom when asked, as punishment he had to spend the rest of the afternoon with the head teacher (ridiculous) I'm not going to punish him for his actions today, since we have got home there hasn't been any problems what so ever. I am not sending him back to that school I am going to find him a new school which will accomodate his needs even if I have to fund it myself.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz Yes what she said was hurtful, her son is in that school for a reason also. I have just had enough, they always tell me what he has done bad but when he gets 10/10 of tests they never highlight this. It is hard for me because from when I drop him off to school I am always waiting for them to call me to go and collect him which means I cant do much which isn't fair on DS2. They should be keeping him in school instead of calling me, I'm sure he isn't the most challenging child.

[TheLightPassenger]

It sounds like this school is failing all the children involved, if they haven't been supervising break time etc properly, such that children are hurting other children on a regular basis.

Glad that the SS visit was constructive.

[HoneyCupcakes]

TheLightPassenger, Exactly ans whenever I ask DS what he does in school he doesn't tell me. PolterGoose Do you think it would be right to keep him off until I find another school for him?

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzz are you speaking about social services or the school? regarding to calling me. And during the holidays he is worst sounds bad me saying this but over the Christmas I palmed him on to anyone who would have him. He did used to spend the weekend with his father in which I could have a break but that option is no longer available.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz I guess they'd have to deal with him, a friend of mine has told me that whenever they call I should say to them that I will be there when school is finished.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz he has always been like this

[HoneyCupcakes]

Not since birth he was a quiet baby, just before he was 2 he started to play up I thought it was "terrible two's"