Please read.

[HoneyCupcakes]

I am at the end of the line with my 7oy I don’t know what to do, I am just hoping that someone else here is going through the same situation with their son/daughter

My DS has been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD he attends a specialist school for children with behavioural problems, I don’t believe that he has any behavioural problems he is just behaving the way he does because he can.

Today when I went to collect him I was held back by his teacher for her to tell me that him and a few other boys in his class have been bullying a boy so badly that he doesn’t want to attend school anymore, I am disgusted but it is no shock to me, when I asked him why he had been bullying the child in question, he looked at me like I was crazy and as if he didn’t know what I was speaking about, every time he does something wrong that is what he does, he will act like he doesn’t know what I am talking about and carry on as if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

He is just making my whole life a misery, I don't like going out during the day whilst he is at school, because I can’t go far incase I get a phone call from his school telling me to come and collect him, just before he broke up for the Christmas holiday he attacked one of his teaching assistants with a pair of scissors it wasn’t too serious but she did need medical attention, and in the past he has pulled out knifes on me, and he frequently does and does try to attack me, I also have a 2 year old from my current partner, he has never ever been violent towards him or tried to hurt him but he has injured my partner many of times.

I don’t even like taking him out in public, it always resorts to him running away or hiding, me having to buy him something to keep him quiet, if I don’t it will just resort into him sulking or embarrassing me. This has been going on for too long I have tried everything but nothing seems to work, it feels like I am going through a nervous break down due to him and it is not fair on my 2 year old as I can't take him out during the day. There is so much more that I want to write but it is just going to anger me more.

[Skylar123]

Sorry cross post with earlier post - it's my phone it takes too long to catch up.

[Skylar123]

Don't punish him your poor Ds the school sound awful

[flow4]

How has this week been, Honey?

[HoneyCupcakes]

Sorry I am only just getting back to you DS threw my phone against the wall smashing the screen, got a replacement today. Sparkle he was diagnosed age 5 by a psychologist when he was in mainstream school. Since moving to the school he is at now we haven't received any support no plan put in place. Review is in April. I don't think this anger is from not letting him see his dad, he hasn't seen his Dad for over two years. I was a victim of domestic violence when I was in relations with his dad as soon as DS was born I left him as I didn't want him being raised in that environment, I did give him access to DS, the last straw was when he came round and beat me when I was 7 months pregnant with DS2 he was the reason DS2 was born early (I know you probably don't want to know all this but it feels better letting it all out) I had to go through the courts to stop all access, obviously DS remembers him and asks about him everyday. I haven't got DS with me today he has gone to the aquarium today with my friend and her little boy in which he will behave.

[SparkleSoiree]

HoneyCupcakes I just wanted to add some support for you. It sounds like you and your little boy have had a horrendous time of it recently. The school sound absolutely diabolical and don't sound like they are even attempting to meet his needs or even getting to know your child properly.

Reading your posts I can't help but feel something may have been missed with your boy (as well as your clear exasperation about your situation). How long ago was he diagnosed? Who made the diagnosis? Is there any long-term plan in place for support for his condition/any kind of diarised review? I am reading your posts and nodding because I can relate to them with my DD but although she has ASD she has a different disorder to your son. Is it possible you could begin keeping a diary - even if it's just for a week - just about his behaviour, jotting down anything and everything and see if it helps you in any way? Before DD was diagnosed we were advised by the HV to do that and when I started writing it all down the scale of things really became apparent and I went from being frustrated with DD's behaviour to open-mouthed at how difficult it was for my poor girl to get through the day. It made it easier for me to try and piece things together and realise she had ASD. She was effectively living with people who had no idea what her needs were, who were unwittingly making her miserable by forcing/disciplining her to behave in a neuro-typical world and with whom she had no clear line of communication with.

Your boy is communicating with you every time he becomes aggressive, he's trying to tell you something, he shows it to you because he can trust you but you somehow have to decipher his behaviour in order to be able to understand his message and help him in return. I.e. when my DD has a violent meltdown I know it's usually because of sensory overload and I need to move her to a calmer, less stimulating environment, on her own, without other people in the room. It's not a punishment, it's a welfare necessity. I don't punish her for punching or kicking me at that point, I just have to get her more comfortable. After she is calm we then talk about what happened, apologies for hitting etc. We pick our battles very carefully!

One thing that occurred to me and correct me if I'm way off base, is there any potential for underlying anger related to his dad not being there or does he have no memory of his dad? I only ask because my son (now 21) struggled with years with that issue and anger and had a really tough time of it.

As for that petition at school it's disgusting that any adult would contemplate doing that to a child and I'd have struggled to be polite to the parent. He's just a boy having a very tough time and he needs support not some holier than thou parent petitioning for his removal. I hope I haven't come across as patronising because I genuinely feel for you and the situation you are both in. Hang in there - you will make progress at some point.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Thanks PolterGoose, do I have to search CAMHS in my local area? as I thought DS would have to be referred there in order for us to use their services, I am not keeping a diary. OneInEight I will get in contact with them if they say no I will take him to a&e not too sure how he will react

[OneInEight]

CAMHS should give you an emergency appointment (same day) under these circumstances. If they refuse take him to A&E.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz Age 5. I am beside myself this morning I caught DS with the belt to his dressing gown tied around his neck . Then he started pulling on his hair (he hasn't got much) I've asked him why he did it and he said he doesn't trust me, I have got him close to me if he tries harming himself again today I will take him to a&e.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Not since birth he was a quiet baby, just before he was 2 he started to play up I thought it was "terrible two's"

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz he has always been like this

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz I guess they'd have to deal with him, a friend of mine has told me that whenever they call I should say to them that I will be there when school is finished.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzz are you speaking about social services or the school? regarding to calling me. And during the holidays he is worst sounds bad me saying this but over the Christmas I palmed him on to anyone who would have him. He did used to spend the weekend with his father in which I could have a break but that option is no longer available.

[HoneyCupcakes]

TheLightPassenger, Exactly ans whenever I ask DS what he does in school he doesn't tell me. PolterGoose Do you think it would be right to keep him off until I find another school for him?

[TheLightPassenger]

It sounds like this school is failing all the children involved, if they haven't been supervising break time etc properly, such that children are hurting other children on a regular basis.

Glad that the SS visit was constructive.

[HoneyCupcakes]

Zzzzz Yes what she said was hurtful, her son is in that school for a reason also. I have just had enough, they always tell me what he has done bad but when he gets 10/10 of tests they never highlight this. It is hard for me because from when I drop him off to school I am always waiting for them to call me to go and collect him which means I cant do much which isn't fair on DS2. They should be keeping him in school instead of calling me, I'm sure he isn't the most challenging child.