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Need some advice... I'm at my wits end :(

13 replies

JulietBravoJuliet · 17/01/2014 09:45

Ds is nearly 8 and is currently awaiting assessment as school have flagged up issues with his behaviour, and there's always been "problems" however, as I'm just used to how he is, I'd never really worried too much. Since starting year 3, his behaviour has got worse; he's very anxious, has started eating his sleeves, collars, buttons etc., and is having the most monumental meltdowns, which is an issue we haven't had before. Not sure whether it's because he's finding the workload too hard (he's extremely bright; reading, spelling, grammar etc. is amazing but he really struggles writing things down and sitting still is a major issue!) or whether there's other issues that have set things off worse.

He doesn't seem to have any proper friends; he often says the other children won't let him play with them, and he's never had an invite to a party or for a play date, which makes me sad :( His social interaction is not great; he either talks them to death, or refuses to speak. Sometimes just growls or makes silly noises if he feels shy. He can't seem got stand or sit still at all, constantly tapping, fiddling with something, making noises etc. I've often said it's like having a soundtrack running in the background all day!

Anyway, just didn't want to drip feed, so apologies for the essay! Yesterday, after school, we had the worst meltdown yet (we've had a couple of in indents recently where he's refused to go into school and has got violent with me when I've tried to physically take him in) and he ended up grabbing a handful of my hair and swinging off it in the village shop, whilst growling and trying to punch me with the other hand. I just didn't know what to do :( I told him, repeatedly to let go and that he was hurting me (just recovering from a head injury so it actually hurt so much I could've cried) and he kept screaming, "I can't!" Gave him a really good talking to when we got home, explained it was not acceptable to ever do that to me, took his xbox off him for a week, and made him go and sit in his room until he was ready to apologise.

When he eventually came up to me, he was upset and said he was sorry, but he seems more concerned about the loss of his precious xbox than he was about having hurt me. He says he knows he shouldn't do it and he doesn't know what made him feel that angry.

I'm just struggling to cope :( Have I dealt with this ok? Is there anything else I could be doing to help the situation? Feeling like a total failure as a mother at the minute :(

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JulietBravoJuliet · 17/01/2014 22:00

Anybody?

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PolterGoose · 17/01/2014 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience · 17/01/2014 22:58

All the things polter mentions are possibilities and may need investigating.

You have come to the best place for support and advise. It is late now but I am sure more people will be around over the weekend.

Smile
JulietBravoJuliet · 17/01/2014 23:28

Thank you for your replies :)

His class teacher thinks he may have ADHD or similar, and school set the ball in motion for an assessment; the ed psych is visiting him in the next few weeks. I have also taken him to the doctors and I'm currently awaiting contact from the community paediatric team. I agree there is something amiss with him; I admit to having ignored it all a bit and hoped he grows out of it, but it's getting worse not better, and I just want someone to intervene with some coping strategies as I want to know I am dealing with things the right way and giving him the best chances with everything.

It's just getting me down :( I'm the mother of "That Child" that no-one wants around their children and it makes me so sad that he doesn't fit in with his peers. I'm scared he will go through all of his school life being lonely :( When we're at home and he's relaxed, he's the most loving, cuddly, witty little boy ever, but, with anyone else in the equation, he doesn't seem to know how to behave.

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StarlightMcKingsThree · 18/01/2014 17:41

Do some of the dreaded internet research.

Find symptoms of things like ADHD, ASD, PDA, Dyspraxia and whenever you hit upon one that sounds a bit like your ds write it down. Not the dx, just the symptom.

Next to each one write a real life example or two of it. Take this list to the GP and give a copy to them for your ds' file (difficult for GPs to ignore written evidence) and ask for a referral.

Then keep a log and diary of these symptoms and others as well as any communications with the school. This will help your ds later.

JulietBravoJuliet · 18/01/2014 21:05

Thank you :) I started making a list last night and I'm now on my second side of a4... Not sure if that's a good or bad thing!

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PolterGoose · 18/01/2014 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKingsThree · 18/01/2014 21:17

Well it will mean the GP can't ignore your request.

Look. Insulin helps people manage diabetes and live fulfilling lives. You're only trying to get to the bottom if some difficulties to find things to support your child getting the most out of life.

JulietBravoJuliet · 19/01/2014 11:32

Thank you. :)

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popgoestheweezel · 19/01/2014 11:47

Just wanted to say that I totally understand what you're going through there and it is very, very tough. You've had some good advice and if school are identifying a problem too you should get some action from the professionals. My advice is keep pushing. Do it politely but assertively and don't give up. The list you are writing is important, make sure you include evidence of the issues having been evident for a long period of time and in different environments eg at home, at school, when out and about, with grandparents etc. The profs are very slow so you need to be on the ball. Give your list to Ed psych and ask for a meeting to discuss dis before she assesses, send your last to paed before appt and also take a copy with you.
If you don't get some positive action from them and the money isn't a problem I would consider a private assessment but not sure how it would work if ADHD was dx then you would still need nhs to prescribe meds. Something to consider.

JulietBravoJuliet · 19/01/2014 12:39

There's been problems for most of his life if I'm honest. Nursery had him on a school action when he was there because of his behaviour and how he was with the other children, so all that's documented. At the time, I blamed other things, ie my mum died the week before he was starting nursery and he was missing her as she used to look after him while I worked, but it's never got better.

I'll continue with my list and hope we get our assessment soon!

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vorpent · 20/01/2014 19:03

Hi, just wanted to suggest reading 'the out of sync child' (can't remember author, but a quick google should work). The behaviour you're describing suggests sensory issues to me, which this book is brilliant for.

The punching and grabbing hair after school could be him seeking deep pressure touch? I often get my ds into a very firm bear hug when he gets like that. Could be worth trying - he'll let you know soon enough if he doesn't like it.

You have my total sympathy, for what it's worth. I too have the child that doesn't get invited out much!

JulietBravoJuliet · 20/01/2014 21:26

Thank you, I'll check that book out :)

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