Feeling i am being a bit OTT with contacting school?

[claw2]

Ds started at new school in September, I completed laid off with contacting them, sat on my hands and let them try to figure out ds by themselves.

He started with statement which didn't identify any of his needs or provision to meet them. School have been very good at identifying needs and approaching me. They referred to SALT, OT and counsellor, exactly what I wanted.

However as I expected ds's anxiety and self harm has increased loads and thoughts of 'wanting to kill himself' due to school anxiety. His reporting of feeling bullied or actually being bullied is almost a daily occurrence, as is his reporting of finding work difficult, not being able to see to read, difficulties with social interaction etc.

I am filling out weekly behaviour sheets at home and giving school a copy. I have copied them into email between myself and SALT when she suggested no more SALT therapy and reported incidents of bullying and significant increases of self harm.

It just seems like one thing after another and is if I am constantly contacting them.

The latest thing being ds complaining that he isn't able to see to read (eye disorder) and headaches and feeling sick when he does, a teacher is having to read some words for him.

I contacted eye specialist who saw ds years ago and she feels she needs to see him again...but referral has to come from school, which means contacting them again telling them this.

I know I am coming across as a control freak, do I just sit back and let them reach their own conclusions again, even if ds is failing and reading is giving him headaches etc?

That's so tricky, Claw.

With the ongoing stuff, with DD2, I said to the teacher one day 'You know, I'm not going to keep bugging you about DD2's anxiety. I know that you know she's got it, so there's no point in me telling you about it every day, as long as you know that just because I'm not coming to tell you about it, that doesn't mean it's gone away.'

That frees me (and her) up to mention the smaller things like pen grip, taking someone else's squinkies home, homework, etc., which I wouldn't feel able to do if I was talking to her about DD2's anxiety.

Could you perhaps agree with the school that each fortnight you'll email a summary of how the anxiety/self-harm/bullying has been, then talk/email them in between times only if there has been a significant incident?

That way you won't feel so terrible about contacting them when there is a discrete action to be taken. e.g. referring for eye exam.

They have been good and thank me for info, but I know I am coming across as a PITA.

Weekly behaviour sheets have been agreed, as that is what I said basically, no need to contact you all the time, you know he is anxious, you know he self harms, sure you have the gist of it and don't need to hear.

The bullying is a bit more difficult, as it continues if I don't say something, as ds wont mention it. For example first day ds reported boy shouting in his face, chasing him, trying to hit him with a tennis racket at every play, telling him to 'stay out of the playground'. I just recorded it on sheet.

Next day same thing, boy threatening ds with a tennis racket every time he went into the playground. So ds wasn't going into the playground, he was sitting in the senior playground, on a bench, alone, until play had finished.

So contact this term has been;-

first day of term just to report that ds's self harming had stopped during break and he was injury free when returning. Not an essay, just exactly that.

Then to ask whether the referral to counsellor and OT had been made, as they promised in November and I hadn't heard any more and ds's self harming etc had increased significant after a few days back (you cannot see his legs, only bleeding sores). I felt they needed to be aware after my telling them no sores, then a few days later, totally smothered.

I copied them into email to counsellor and SALT, as a 'joined up' approach had been agreed and no one is 'joining up'.

Then bullying incident above on the second day of it happening.

Then about ds not being able to read. I said one of the recommendations was a tracking magnifier, said I could try to get one, if they thought a good idea. Reply we will get back to you.

On one hand I think fuck it, why should ds suffer, if ds cant see to read, then surely that is pretty urgent, all im asking is shall I get a magnifier, then he can see to read, problem solved in short term, not can ds have full time 1:1 or anything that requires them having to think about it for a few days and get back to me.Then I have AR fast approaching and I was hoping to make lots of amendments and im running out of time.

Then on the other I know keeping a good relationship with school is defo better in the long run and I should be patient, shut my mouth and sit on my hands.

It is all just taking so long and very frustrating.

Claw, Do you think you can list those things in that order, plus the way you feel about it and ask if you can meet to discuss a better way for this to work?

Say you have been forced to take acute notice of ds' behaviours and signs of distress because past experiences have made it essential but you don't want to be so involved at such a detailed level unless they feel it is necessary.

They may well respond that your involvement is absolutely necessary and they are happy to be chased.

Not sure whether that would be a good thing or not but it shows that you are trying to work with them rather than lobby them.

Well they have said they really appreciate my involvement, but im not feeling it Star. I have learnt to trust my instinct.

I think I might just email them (for the last time!) and say just that and for them to contact me if they have concerns and then just stick to behaviour sheets once a week, to get across how ds is feeling.

I suppose ds isn't in any serious danger, its not nice to see him in distress and with sores all over him, but they are doing all they can. They are sympathetic and understanding towards ds and have done everything i have asked of them, I think I have to start trusting and letting go a bit.

which goes against every bone in my body!

Having slept on it Star, I don't think I owe school an explanation. However, I will back off.