Polter Goose or any other users of What to do when you worry too much, I need advice!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Help.... I bought the What to do when you worry too much book to do with Dd3 and I really thought it was going to help us. However we got the chapter last night about locking your worries away in a box and getting them out at worry time and I had a panic!!

This is because we are trying to get Dd3 to talk about what worries her, she finds it really hard to put her worries into words and relies on me to work out what is bothering her!

So I am now thinking that this is not the right thing to do with her because the last thing I want to do is give her the message that we want her carry on holding her worries in, when what we actually want is for her to get them out.

Shame because it did look really good

Hmmm, I am not sure now because she literally isnt able to talk to anyone about her worries but I know she thinks about them.

I am the only person that is able to find out what is bothering her and even then I have resorted to using a list of words for positive and negative feelings so that she can just circle the ones that are most appropriate.

I can see that it would be good to have a set time each day to talk about worries but think that she really needs to learn to begin verbalise them before we move on to that.

I will put it away and maybe revisit it at a later date.

Thanks polter

Thanks zzzzz I dont really know what to do TBH, what she needs is a referral to a clinical psych as the SALT's have recommended but goodness only knows how long that will take.
We have an appointment with the Paed at the beginning of Feb so are hoping that she will refer then.

Dd3's whole world is going to be picked up and shaken later this year when she moves to secondary school and she isnt coping now so she is definitely going to need some help

I feel out of my depth with her at the moment and I dont think I am in a great place myself either.

I have a lot of baggage and I dont feel able to tackle her anxiety.

I just want to protect her from it and not put her through any more crap really but life just isnt like that is it

She keeps saying she doesnt understand why she has to go to school at all and that she can learn more at home.

I cant HE her at the moment I am over committed at work as it is but I feel terrible pushing her through the door everyday

God it is shit sometimes!!!

ineed do you think it's possible your dd needs to work on verbalising worries/naming emotions before putting them in a box or a waiting room? Perhaps she's not ready?

Yes handy I do think she needs to learn how to label her worries!! And the new Paed agrees, I just dont know how to help her.

We have had some success with the feelings words in 2 columns positive and negative and laminated so she can circle the words with a whiteboard pen.

This morning she circled sad, stressed, upsetting and horrible when I was trying to get her to tell me why she didnt want to go to school.

This is massive progress for Dd3! Just getting her to engage in any discussion around feelings is massive progress.

I dont think we are ready for the what to do book!

FWIW I am working on recognising and naming emotions now with dd2 aged 8

We started the 'what to do when you grumble too much' but she closed up and refused to engage.

I said why not and deduced (again, naming the feelings for her) that feelings are just too big and overwhelming. To which I praised her for talking about feelings!! But I am not much further forward. SO hard to address!!!!!

Could you turn it around a bit, and say 'you've done really well with the locking them up in a box bit' (the keeping it all inside of her), but now we need to work on the 'letting them out bit'.

Could you start with the circling the emotions, then progress to circling all but one, and she points to the last one? Then circling all but one and saying the last one....gradually voicing the words, even if she doesn't expand?

Thankyou everyone, I really appreciate your comments.

I think I was extremely tired last night and very negative.

I went to bed early and feel a bit better this morning.

We are doing a happy box at the moment too where we each thinkmof something nice that has happened in the day and write it on a piece of paper and then read them at the end of the week.

Lougle I love that idea of gradually extending her. She has taken to circling words really well (for her) , she normally wont engage with any discussions about feelings

I will take it slowly