Would dd2 be classed as disabled sorry posting this question because of family issue

[autumnsmum]

Hi would like some advice please for my peace of mind from those mumsnetters whose legal knowledge is far greater than mine .as you all know there is a longstanding issue between dp and mil and myself regarding dd2s abilities and I'm not to refer to her as disabled.she attends a sp sch for autistic children and receives hrc dla .legally would she count as disabled thanks in advance

Yes. She is disabled.

She has a physiological disability, a neurological disability, an organic disability or a developmental disability, however you wish to describe it.

She is entitled to higher rate disability allowance which means her disability is without question, as any doubt and my goodness it WOULD be questioned when it comes to money.

But I think your problems here are a lot more than terminology tbh.

You know that the outcome for any child with a disability is significantly improved when the parents accept the disability and use it to advocate for their child.

You're doing fab. They have the luxury of denial BECAUSE you are shouldering the full burden. I don't know how you get away from that except try and give them more responsibility for her care so they can see for themselves the true impact her disability has on here.

Thank you so so much everyone I am seeing a therapist currently and she suggested giving dd2 to mil for the day!some good news is her statement is being maintained at its current level

Yes.

And great news about the statement!

I dont really know your MIL story, sorry but while I can see the value of the therapists idea of givig your Dd to you MIL for the day I personally wouldnt do it!

You know your Dd has a disability, you are a great parent who outs her daughters needs first, you should have confidence in yourself and accept that your MIL obviously has no comprehension of your Dd or what you deal with every day.

Personally I would rise above it and just carry on doing what you are doing. You dint need ignorant people in your life when you have a child with SN's and the less time you spend with you MIL the better by the sounds of it.

Be kind to youself and good luck

Sorry for the typos should have said giving and puts

Well done for getting a statement too

Yes your dd2 is disabled.

We have had similar issues with a relative, who says things like, 'yes but he's not DISABLED disabled?!'

Thank you all so much again i need more I agree I think handing her over for a day would be counterproductive. . Hazey that sounds very similar . I get told every child she has met is far worse than dd2

I agree that she is disabled, some people think you can only be disabled if you use a wheel chair, very out dated.
My dd has FASD which is organic brain damage but many people will try and argue with me that she does not have brain damage because she "looks" ok

Hazey I have had that too, family members who really dont believe that autism is a disability!

It is very wearing although I have to say being awarded DLA (middle rate care and low rate mobility) has shut them up for a while at least.

You need an off switch in your brain when it comes to your mil. Can you distance yourself a bit? My DH visits his folks once a week and I tend to see them on special occasions s and get together a. It happened by accident really but it's fab.

Ps I'm finding it very difficult with family. They don't doubt his disability fortunately but they really don't get it or the way we live now and over time I am feeling less and less common ground with them. And most people actually lol

It is daft isn't it, and it annoys me that it shakes my confidence in myself. Trying to get the right support can be such a fight, that having someone undermine you by implying that your child isn't deserving of that support because they are not - whatever their idea of disabled is - is just cruel.

I see a lot of us are in a similar situation with our Dcs and family

moomoomie That reminds me of something my DS2 said recently. "Being disabled isn't about my wheelchair, it's about who I am".

hazey and zzzzz. We get the "disabled disabled" comments, also "really disabled" and "properly disabled". DS2 and DS4 aren't "disabled disabled" apparently so I should think myself lucky

When ds was first diagnosed I described him as disabled. Being disabled myself with a usually invisible disability I felt quite comfortable with that. However I found that people then assumed he had a physical disability and often that he used a wheelchair.
I changed to using special needs most of the time though I hate the term. I then found that people often assumed that he had learning difficulties.

All the posts are really interesting it seems we all have a lot in common

Poltergoose Thanks, he is fantastic . He was having a discussion at the time with DS1, about whether he is still disabled if he's not sat in his wheelchair. I'm always amazed that one small boy can drive me crazy and amaze me with his insight all at the same time.

We tend to use the term disabled as if I say special needs people tend to assume I'm talking about learning difficulties. Although apparently that's politically incorrect and we should use the term "additional needs". I'm not keen on that though as it's very vague and with no proper diagnosis for either DS2 or DS4 things are vague enough already!