Panel said no!

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Oh dear

They probably don't have that many children whose parents withdraw under those circumstances.

It's particularly unfortunate that you disagree, fundamentally, with the school over your DS's abilities. It would be much easier if you agreed that they weren't able to meet need, etc.

Did she say when you're going to hear?

TBH Lougle I'm not certain that they can't be persuaded. Which is why I am trying to keep a good relationship with them.

However, no persuading is going to happen continuing along the comfortable-for-them path that they were taking which was to carry on as normal with a fob-off, a promise, a request for trust and a meeting sometime in the future to repeat.

I also, am very genuinely pleased with some of the aspects of his development there. It hasn't been a waste of his or my time BUT he does need to move on now. I am trying so carefully to present it that way which is easier to do as I believe it.

No, they didn't say when I was going to hear. I'm sure you're right and they haven't got a clue how to respond.

I should probably put a formal letter in the post this weekend and do it the official way with a 14 day deadline for acknowledgement etc. That way it is entirely clear that it is a considered request and can't be misinterpreted as a ranty or huffy response to something that happened one day in the playground at school that will be resolved by Monday.

You see, we do the opposite. We walk in (though DS2 is pushed in his buggy for now!), so leg stretching isn't an issue but we've had to dispense with the playground at the start of the day because 100 kids running around and their parents watching and gossiping, then the noisy whistle... all made for a poor start to the day.

Oh sorry. I forgot to add that when I requested to dereg, all of a sudden they agreed to consult with my preferred not yet open school.

Ffs. It's great that they are doing so now, but what games do They think I am playing? I wasn't threatening.

Would it have been better to have dereged first and then ask for a different school for Sept?

Hmm. It might have looked less like I was forcing their hand as I could have told them my request was on the basis of evidence rather than expected evidence.

I suppose from their perspective it might look all fairly dramatic, but it really isn't.

I want to HE ds whilst considering other placements. Him being out of school is only a disaster for those who have some kind of bias against HE.

It's not dramatic, it's not blackmail, it's not a breakdown in placement, it's not failure, it's not spite, it's not irrational, it's not ill-thought out, it's not detrimental to ds' welfare. In fact I'm confident it is the opposite.

It's a strategy that has some risks (as does NOT removing him), but I won't allow any of those risks to affect ds.

W're gonna do a lot of growing things and a lot of cooking and a lot of house-keeping. We're gonna measure our routines and outcomes for effectiveness and refine. We're gonna analyse baby ds' non-verbal communication and try and guess what he is really saying. We're gonna do a weekly budget. We're gonna keep a diary and use a calendar and ds is gonna make me cups of tea. We're gonna build long tunnels in minecraft.

From their point of view, I guess, it's two changes in a short period of time, which will make it hard to guage whether change in your DS is as a result of removing him from the school, or changing to a new school. They will also, perhaps, be noting the house move and the previous history of school, removal and tribunal, etc. In their eyes, your DS will have had a lot of disruption and they may be looking from the perspective that he needs stability.

From your eyes (and knowledge) the disruptions were all part of an unfortunate but necessary battle to get adequate education for your DS, and a 'less worse' scenario than leaving him in inadequate provision with low expectations.

I think the challenge, which you are more than capable of, is to assure them that this is not change for change's sake, but it's you taking education as seriously as they do, for the good of your DS. If they can see the journey through your eyes, they may be less reluctant to allow it.

Thanks Lougle,

You're right. But for exactly the reasons you have mentioned ds is very experience at coping with change. In fact he is regularly asking if he can change to dd's school which is being consulted, though neither the school or we will want him to attend there.

If they raise that one and justify it with the fact that he has an ASD dx then I'll be very cross.

Most children need stability. DS is not most children. DS thrives on novelty, new experiences and high expectations.

"We're gonna do a weekly budget."

Star, have you seen YNAB? I go on about it wherever I go. It is fantastic, and the effect of budgeting decisions is absolutely clear, every step of the way.

I've put some screen shots up here.

But they don't know your DS like you do , so they need to be encouraged to see him through your eyes.

Oooh Lougle. That looks fab.

We are all over the place financially. I mean we are probably okay-ish but the issue is that we don't know.

Our past couple of years have been so temporary with unexpected costs and 'sales' that spending has become a bit hit and miss and probably careless. We are a LOT less well-off than we have been (not that we were ever well off but when you are renting with the house-sale money in your account and sky high costs, little treats here and there don't really notice.

But they notice now, big time.

And temporary situations make it very hard to 'plan', which we really ought to do now.

How much is YNAB? Is it subscription?

Star, you HE plans sound fantastic. As Lougle says, you need to find a way to get them to see your ds, his path so far and your plans for his future through your eyes.

Now that's weird. Never heard of YNAB before, but was looking for budgeting software yesterday and dh and I were discussing it last night and have decided to get it. We've looked at some cheaper options, but they all have direct bank contact and automatic transaction imports that make me nervous.

Is it easy to use Lougle.

Sorry Star, should have said, YNAB is £39.99 from the Mac App store if that helps at all.

The plan is a part of making sure I'm organised enough to have the time to do the actual table-teaching stuff.

I figured planning and organisation skills were something Ds needed to learn so why not involve him?

DH and I will open a joint account so I can keep track of accounts but first, I need to apply for some photo ID.

Thanks moose

I'll definitely look into it. Not sure about putting it on the iPad as not entirely certain it wouldn't be interfered with by kids.

YNAB is £29.99 from the Steam Store, but Steam have sales every so often where it can drop to as low as £7.49. You can set an alert for when it's on sale.

You can install it and try it, fully functional, for 34 days by downloading it here. That's enough to do a whole month plus set up.

It really is so easy to use - totally customisable to have as many or as few categories as you want, with as many budgets as you want and as many accounts as you want, with as many computers/tablets/smart phones as you want.

Star, you could even have DS have his own budget with pocket money, for instance.

It can sync across multiple devices, using drop box, so if your DH works in an office, for instance, he could view and adjust the budget there, and you could do so at home, and it will sync the versions.

It's an envelope budgeting system, so it's very practical - if you have £100 and you want to spend £80 on minecraft, you put the £80 in the minecraft 'envelope'. That only leaves you £20 to share between all your other 'envelopes'.

I just found a HE group in the NEXT ROAD from where I live.

How cool is that?

Thanks Lougle

You've given me loads of ideas. My passport has gone on holiday without me so I need to wait for its return before DH and I open a joint account so I can take proper control of our finances.

And then I'll sign up for the trial and see how it goes.

Wow, it was made for you, Star!

Re. YNAB...I could talk for England about it, so I'll shut up unless you have questions. If you do, you know where I am We have a thread in money matters, too, so that might be worth a look when you get started.

Its amazing what dereging can do, the minute I dereged ds, CAMHS signed him off, he was offered HT, statement was issued and indi school was named without any fight whatsoever.

Well that would be fab claw if that happened, but that's not why I am doing it.

It is also possible that they might refuse as ds' placement has currently got a bunch of parents in my LA fighting very hard for it. They will probably think I'm an ungrateful unhinged cow.

I have spoken to ds a lot about school recently. About what he likes, doesn't like, how he would like to learn if he wasn't there, who would teach him etc. And am confident I can draw up a model that he approves.

Incidently, I have just found out about another boy near me, similar age, in similar position.