How to deal with spitting, biting and pinching with a young child??

[Allthreerolledintoone]

He is 3 with possible autism. It is normally in response to something he wants to do but isn't allowed eg climbing up on the book shelf trying to play on the staff computer. I've tried changing the physical environment but there is only so much I can change or remove, I've tried distraction which works for a short while but then he returns to his object of focus. His response is then to hit, spit and bite which is really hard to ignore or deal with. Especially the biting as physically he is quite strong. I've tried ignoring him when he does this but he will not relent and will try and bite myself other staff or children who interfere with his play. I use positive language and praise too.
I've brought a 'tent' which I want to use as a chill out area if I feel he is getting angry or over whelmed/anxious to try and stop things escalating. But that's when things are too much for him. I want him to learn its a chill out tent for when he's sad or angry but not a reward for when he bites or hits iykwim??? Sorry if it's worded in the wrong way. Does anyone else use this at home/school?? I want to teach him to recognise his feelings and to find other ways of dealing with instead of hitting or hitting.

No it isn't it is a child in our childcare. We are really struggling to deal with some of his behaviours we have a meeting with the Ed psychologist but it's not for a few months. I want to put something in place to help him cope with his aggression/anxiety and also to work with his parents too who are thinking of buying a tent for home. He goes not bite or spit at bus parents but he does at the staff, children in the setting and his younger siblings.

Sorry auto text. I am trying to give him very small steps such as learning to share using visual cards and a timer, or have children come into his space but also for him to learn to say 'no' and use a stop gesture if another child interferes in his play instead of lashing out. He is a loveable little boy but is very very strong minded and so sometimes there is a battle of wills. We are preparing him for starting school but it is very difficult as he doesn't really want to follow any adult led activities he has his own agenda.

I do feel he is overwhelmed but there is also an element of non compliance even the professionals have agreed with this and his family. I have been working closely with him and have been working in a one to one situation targeting sharing using a timer, I have then extended the group and implemented it in the main setting. I have spoke to mum and have gave her a timer to implement at home as he was hitting, shouting and pinching his siblings too. It has worked really well and with adult support he was waiting his turn with the timer and now he will go and get the timer himself. He is not happy about waiting but he will accept it.
The thing I am struggling with is the other day he tried to take another childs lunch. I said 'that's xxx lunch, here's your lunch' but he wasn't having any of it I tried all sorts of distraction techniques showing now interest in his lunch but he then lashed out trying to get this child's lunch. On another day he tried opening the fire door when it was time to go home because he wanted to go out side in the garden and started hitting and spitting at one of the teachers when they said not now it's home time . Another day he wanted the teachers scissors from the desk I offered him another pair of scissors that were more suitable but he wouldn't have any of it. And tried to bite me because I wouldn't give him the adult scissors.
He does lash out at home but just at his siblings and other family members buy not his parents.
When he is focused on something then that is it that is what he wants and it is very hard to distract him or motivate him to do something else.
I just want to try and stop the biting his two younger sim likings are covered in rbite marks .

Oh sorry I have been recording it on a star chart to see the triggers and it is when he trying to do something he is not allowed. I am due to go on a ASD course but because we are a mainstream school I do not thnk the training is that in-depth. We did have a specialist teacher come and she said to ignore some of his behaviours give him an instruction and walk away if he does not respond. But the biting, spitting is a recent thing so wasn't an issue then. We have a lot of cut backs in our area and we have two specialist teachers covering the who of our city. My own Senco has said he needs to go on time away.

I have done lots of reading but it's hard finding info on how to tackle these behaviours. I have identified what the triggers normally are but I cannot give in to him all the time some of it is a health and safety issue or effecting another child. All I can do is remove the object or offer an alternalative or distraction. Recently I've been having to stand there as a punch bag until he calms down and accepts the situation.

Thank you for replying by the way

I don’t think it makes sense to say he can’t go in the tent if he’s bitten someone, or even to say he can only go in the tent when he’s feeling angry or sad or whatever. He doesn’t know how he feels, that’s a typical part of having an ASC, especially at his age. The best you’re likely to get is that he goes in the tent when he wants to go in the tent, which hopefully will mostly be the same as when he needs to go in the tent – when he’s upset or overstimulated.

My DS (Asperger’s diagnosis) could sometimes be what you’d call noncompliant. Actually he is very compliant but only on his terms. He does what he believes is right. The good thing is that after I’ve taught him exactly what I think is right he takes that on board as if it is his own invention, even if it isn’t what he wants to do. The trouble is that if I haven’t already taught him what is right, such as that kids can’t use the adults’ computer, or that he can’t go out of the fire door, or that they only eat their own lunch, then he makes his own decision and he sticks to it. By the time he's started doing it and I tell him not to do something it’s too late, he’s made his mind up and he goes crazy with frustration if I interfere.

With most kids, teaching happens "on the spot" - you see a behaviour, you correct it immediately. With my DS, I couldn't do that, it just made him lose it. If I saw a behaviour and it wasn't outright dangerous I had to let it go and then have a hard think about how to teach him later.

So one thing you might try with this lad is to let him do what he wants at the time and then try teaching him not to do it later on. Let the other kid have his lunch and next day before lunchtime teach the kids a little lesson on “we each eat from our own plate”. Use visual timetables, so he knows that first he has garden time, then play indoors, then coats on and home time. Then with any luck he wont even be trying to go in to the garden at hometime because he'll already know it isn’t an option and he’ll be mentally prepared to go home.

I don't think I can offer any help but I just wanted to say that I think it is lovely that you care so much about this child. I wish more nursery workers were like you. Although I agree with polter, you are in a very difficult position and really need some more support.

Only other thing I can add is that it might be worth you reading 'the explosive child'. I am only a few chapters in but it has been recommended on the SN board quite a few times and what I have read so far is really helpful.

This like boy sounds like my Ds who is now age 4. My Ds had to be removed from nursery and only went back this year when he turned four. He was totally overwhelmed and not able for it which in turn caused meltdowns.
He went back last Sept age four and has settled in so well. He has made amazing progress. We still don't have a diagnosis but they are suspecting autisim.
The trick with my Ds is to challenge his sensory needs constantly. He needs sensory stimulation then he is able to focus on table top exercises etc. This is a constant throughout the day.
Bad behaviour is dealt by removing him from the situation. He is taken to the "thinkin"chair and left for a few minutes or removed from the room if he has a meltdown.
Both ourselves and the creche use a lot of visual schedules with him. He is now 4 so I know he understands a lot more now than he did last year.
So I think your in a very difficult situation and need advice from his early intervention team on how to manage him.
My Ds has an sna so He has one to one support during challenging times
Hope this helps

Thank you with the replies. I think the biting, spitting and hitting is a real issue at the moment and I need to find a way for him express himself in other ways.I have used visual cards with sad faces, no biting pictures and simple story books. When he pinches me he will look right into my eyes and I can see he is looking for a reaction. I have gone for not reacting and saying 'nice hands' and pushing his hand away.
The difficulty is when he is lashing out it can be hard to control I am trying to protect him and the other children and myself. But he will kick and thrust his body making it so so difficult. I am so worried about him when he goes to school I personally feel he is not going to cope and he needs a school with a specialist unit attached. Which is why I really want to help him prepare for school as best I can. The training isn't there and neither is the support form outside agencies thanks to the cuts. I have spoken to my manager about some one else taking over from me with more experiences but the management have said there is no one else who is any more experienced and that the fact I have a good relationship, heart and patience is enough. Tbh it's been quite stressful taking on the responsibility and draining.

I am just finding when we do make progress with one thing another thing arises iykwim. Kleinzeit you have hit the nail on the head 'going crazy with frustration'. But how do I ease it??? The thing is i have targets given by the Ed psych and the recent change in his behaviour is making it very difficult for me to help him meet these targets such as coming to group time, play sequences, TEACCH. I cannot do any of those things when he is angry and lashing out. I've tried using first and next but he is not getting it so it's very hard to bribe or persuade him to sit for TEACCH!!! Even if I say drawing first then, iPad.
He very much has his own agenda and I need to tap in to what motivates him. The thing is this motivation keeps changing!!! It's very difficult being in a main stream school where we do not have the resources, training or experience.
I have had to make my own visual cards, a time table and reward chart. I have brought toys and things in from home. I have even brought books and researched things in the library.
I did find a good book in the library but haven't been able to renew it. But I skimmed something about using a chill out area and getting the child to recognise when things are too much and somewhere he can be angry but not hurt anyone. Obviously he doesn't recognise or understand feelings but I want to help him to recognise some emotions particularly his anger by using a visual card and encouraging him to sit in the tent when he is angry instead of hitting a child or adult. But he also needs to learn that he cannot always do what he wants and this again is the dilemma. It is easy for an professional to say use visual cards, first and next and simple language but I am and he still lashes out that is the thing. Sorry I have kind of ranted and that's not the point. It is just frustration on my behalf. I will check out the book.

I do sympathise! To be honest I think there may be limits to what you can achieve. Yes, using simple language and cards etc do help, but realistically there is no quick fix that will stop this poor child’s aggression altogether. The kind of self-management you are talking about - yes he might learn it over time but it is not realistic to expect it from a three year old. Two things the clinical child-psych told me when my DS was diagnosed at age 6: “we have to manage his behaviour for him until he is old enough to manage it for himself”. And also “if DS mostly copes in a situation, then keep him there, because he will learn from his success. If he never copes, then either change the situation so he can cope, or take him out of it altogether”. Aggression is a sign of failing to cope. So depending on how frequent his outbursts are, you can judge how well he is or isn’t coping.

I also think you need to log all violent incidents and make sure your management know about every single one. You are not a punchbag and your management cannot expect you to be treated as one. Even though it’s not the boy’s fault and you are doing your very best for him, it is still not your responsibility to fix things for him regardless of the cost to yourself. It’s not realistic and in the long term it’s not doing the boy any favours either.

My DS was nowhere near as aggressive as your littlun aged 3. Perhaps my DS was more able, but also DS was an only child and went to a small nursery who easily adapted to him, so he rarely got triggered and although he had some violent outbursts they were quite rare at that age (rare enough that no-one saw anything unusual about him) But when he hit primary school it all went horribly wrong for him. He did stay in mainstream primary school but only with a lot of support (full-time TA) and even so it was pretty borderline at times.

It may be that with the best will in the world, a mainstream nursery /school setting will not work for this boy. Perhaps the psychologist’s current targets are unrealistic – and if he’s got more aggressive recently it might be due to the pressure of expectations that he just can’t meet. I am worried that you feel responsible and drained by trying to make him hit his targets. I think it should be the other way round. If despite your efforts he can’t meet his targets, and if he can’t be managed in a mainstream setting even by someone as committed as you are, it’s better to highlight that now so he has a better chance to get the kind of education in the kind of setting that he really needs.

So do remember to look after yourself, and that if things don’t work out it is not your fault.

Thank you for your lovely reply it means a lot to have the opinions and support of parents who have experienced this. I will speak to the ed psych as I have this fear he will not cope in a mainstream school but it's difficult because theses are the wishes of the parents. He is only 3 and already they are putting in a statement so this shows how extreme his needs are I feel. The targets given were at one point achievable but his temperament keeps changing and following the christmas hols we will likely be starting again. I will keep reading, researching and reflecting and most importantly smiling. Our relationship was a little bit strained before the holidays it's strange because sometimes he just seems so sad and unhappy does anyone else see this with their dc? One day he just sat their with tears and I had no idea why. I want to bring fun back into into our day as sometimes things get so overwhelming for us both.

Hi

I am sorry I haven't read the posts in detail. We use ABA for behaviour intervention. It's pretty straightforward. Behaviour has a function. We collect abc data. Have a look at the link below.

m.behaviorbabe.com/site/mobile?dm_path=%2Fabcsofaba.htm&fw_sig_access_token=e993ef9c58cb999c26d78aef5e7ea035dc6d0899&fw_sig_is_admin=0&fw_sig_api_key=522b0eedffc137c934fc7268582d53a1&fw_sig_tier=1&fw_sig_url=www.behaviorbabe.com/&fw_sig_session_key=933016d47a16e19e04c3b988ec1d84d90ca36a9af00fc21c318a3fb59eaaf8d5-31791324&fw_sig_social=1&fw_sig_permissions=none&fw_sig_locale=en-US&fw_sig_time=1388960821906&fw_sig_permission_level=0&fw_sig_site=31791324&fw_sig_potential_abuse=1&fw_sig=b4da3a57f9100981eea1d379c2203f70&fw_sig_premium=1&fb_sig_network=fw#0301

In our case we saw that we had behaviours when my child was hungry or a demand was placed which was too much for her. We worked on avoiding hunger(strict meal times) and rewarded her when she worked through an adult's request.

We found it worked best before the behaviour had escalated too much.

Thank you. Feeling a bit of a failure today he bit a child quite badly despite myself being with him. I was sat behind him on the floor. There was a dispute over a toy in which another child had taken so I gave it back to my kc and thought it was resolved or at least I thought I had but he then lunged at the child I pulled him away straight away but as I did he bit him quite hard even though it was a second. The poor other boy didn't even cry at first because of shock I guess. I have been on high alert all day today around him and I feel like crap. The parent is making a complaint too :-(

The thing is he was in a fairly good mood until that point. The other child did upset him but I managed to get the toy back and settle my kc but he obviously still felt threatened by the child being next to him :-/ there was som space between them.
The thing is I've dealt with this scenario before and there was repercussion of bitting it either diffused or escalated in which case I removed him from the area. This just seemed a bit random as if he waited then attacked iywim I am trying to be reflective and cannot think why he reacted the way he did in this situation or now could of stopped it.

Ds2 will display some of these behaviours when he is very stressed, is not sure what is expected of him, is not getting any sensory input, and feels that people are being mean to him (similar to your description of someone stealing the child's toy) He is 11, so despite years of knowing what how he should be behaving and years of managing quite well in mainstream school etc he is still capable of reacting in this way. That is autism.

Thankfully it is limited to a very few occasions. And that is because you can make things much easier for a child with autism if you...

make lots of opportunities for physical outlets, rolling running climbing jumping, outside activities which create sensory feedback but no demands on social behaviour (ie sharing big toys or having to take turns - this could make more stress) I think this is the most important thing you can do to reduce the sensory seeking stuff, things like trying to get the scissors or the climbing up to get the computer. He is craving stimulation and restlessly seeking anything that fulfils the criteria.
Structure play so they know exactly what is happening when - free play can be quite exhausting for them to understand but if it is a game like hide and seek or ring a ring a roses or a "imaginative game" with a very clear theme like trains or cars or bricks
singing games nursery rhymes or songs drama in a structured setting

My son loved the last two aspects of his Montessori nursery, but he was getting plenty of physical outlet outside nursery, because it was only a short part of the day (3 hours).

If the child is in nursery for a long time during the day, the first aspect might be the most pressing - a physical outlet where you don't have to take turns or behave nicely.

I wonder whether this child is in nursery far longer than is good for him, and finds it a very overwhelming and confusing environment to make sense of. It seems like you have it the wrong way round trying to get the child to fit into the nursery environment when it should be the other way around. Not you personally, just the expectation that HE should adapt when maybe he just cannot, unless the setting is changed to suit his needs.

My son also loved the quiet purposeful side of his nursery, and the same with school now, he is very happy to concentrate on things as long as he is getting some sort of SENSORY feedback from doing a task or being part of a group - the sense that he is hearing words which mean something to him which he can comment on, or the pressure of the pen as it writes the words for him or the colours filling the page. Or the sound the car makes when it goes up and down the wooden plank.What he cannot do is exist in a vacuum, where he is expected to sit patiently and listen to amorphous information or sounds or join in to random "playing" of which he is not quite sure the purpose of or wait for random things like "interruptions". He also cannot interpret other people's behaviour when he thinks they are trying to hurt him or withold things from him he "needs"Then he starts behaving like you have described the 3 year old behaves. He sees adults as his friends but only when they create secure structures and he can trust them to behave in predictable ways. When they randomly deny him things he wants (like the scissors you describe) he has no way of knowing that this is for a good reason, unless you were to prewarn him when you first came into the room and explain that the following things are for adults only. Then he would probably accept he cannot use them, as long as he knew in advance what the alternative satisfying activity/object is. BEFORE he identified that he was being denied the other objects ifysim.

In otherwards, you cannot react to behaviour, you can only prepare for it when you have an autistic child. They are so keen on rules that if you made a big thing about the lunchboxes BEFORE HE THOUGHT OF IT, I suspect he would never even want to touch another child's lunchbox. But until this has been made explicit he might go on just regarding this as another thing he wants.

I saw a Family Therapist about ds2, and we discussed at length how I was supposed to react when he behaved badly/violently/aggressively/inappropriately. She kept repeating the same mantra, which took a while to sink in. BEFORE the bad behaviour happens you should be warning him of transitions, reminding him what is expected of him, explaining to him what is happening next, and then you won't have to react, because he won't behave so badly. Social stories are an example of this.

5yo DD does this, only at home though. She can keep herself in check at school and explodes for me. The poor little bean was calmer at nursery, the pressure of school seems to have caused a lot of flare ups. She's bright and not tired, but there's something going on we need to get to the bottom of.

I’m sorry you had a bad day allthree.

Swannhilda’s advice is very good, especially more sensory /less social; and preparing for transitions. My DS is 15 now, and we haven't seen physical aggression for a couple of years (just as well cos he’s bigger than me now!) That’s partly because DS has matured and developed more self-control and partly because we know his issues and how to manage them / allow for them. As for your littlun, he reminds me of something my DS’s TA said to me after DS had done something dreadful age 8 – “he’s still a work in progress”.

You have not failed, you are making the best of a difficult situation. I’d have been happy to have had you for my son’s TA

allthree what support strategies has your early years settings put in place to support the child? Its all fair that you are concerned and asking here. You will get some excellent pointers from the members here. You must be a very rare nursery worker who cares so much for the child. Like Kleinzeit said, I would like to have a TA like you for my child.

However, as a parent of a child with special needs, I feel that the child in question and the other children around him are being failed at multiple levels by a setting where parents send them by paying their hard earned money.

If you are his key worker, have you raised this with the SENCO and nursery manager? Have you discussed this with the parents? Every setting gets a certain budget to put support in place for children who need that. Are these sensory issues? Was he hungry? Did he have a way of expressing to you and his peers that he is upset that the toy has been taken away from him? Has he had any training of sharing toys? Does he have a diagnosis? Has the GP and local child development center seen him? Are these incidents documented so that they can be used later if needed for diagnosis and education support?

What was the reason and purpose of his behaviour?

Honestly, if I was the parent of this child(and last year my child almost reached a point where she would hit the staff because she was so frustrated and she had no means of expressing herself, let alone engaging in anything useful) I would take him out of this early years setting ASAP and start my own intensive intervention(which is what I did with her, till she reached a point where she could modulate herself to some extent and has 1-1 support in place).

I am struggling to express, how I would react if I was the parent of the child that got bitten

Its not your fault.. the settings' management need to belt up.

Swanhildapirouetting - Golden words you cannot react to behaviour, you can only prepare for it when you have an autistic child.

It is a mainstream setting and this has definitely changed my view about a lot of things. We are not equipped or experienced. Things are in progress with outside agencies but things are slow and they have huge workloads a lot of the advice is not realistic. His moods, motivations changed daily so it's being ahead constantly. I am having read up on a lot things as I've had no autism training. And no one else wants to do it because the pay is rubbish. Some days he will come to setting and he is already distressed so it kind of escalates. He has good days and bad.

It is a mainstream setting - I presume its an inclusive setting? If yes, then the management need to either provide him support or ask for it from outside.

a lot of the advice is not realistic - Has this feedback been given to the advisors?

Are you saying you have put in a written request and its been rejected?