Building a relationship with school..

[salondon]

Those of you, who have managed to build a good relationship with the child's school, how exactly did you do that before your child even started there?

Or, did you let your child start and then build a relationship with the SENCO, LSA and Class teacher? In that case, were you not nervous about your child going in with someone you dont quite know too well..

I am struggling to get any local schools interested in my nice shiny EIBI ABA program

After 2 terrible relationships with mainstream schools, I have found indi school far easier to work with.

I find it difficult to have a relationship with a school whose head truly believes that if a child is doing academically well then there can be nothing wrong with them and will expel punish a child for having an autistic meltdown. I think I get on okay with the Senco and I've had a nod and a wink from the DH which I've chosen to believe means she doesn't follow the HT's philosophy. Otherwise I don't know what we'd do.

okay, now you guys have really scared me

With me, it was school who flagged up initial concerns about DS when he was in reception. I found it useful to prepare ahead of any meetings and to be business like., on time with notes of what you want to say etc. Be prepared to cut through any waffle to get down to the facts you need to deal with at a specific time. I strongly believe that you are not looking to get onside or to make relationships with the school staff, rather treat them as if you are speaking to a professional, as you might to a solicitor. Show that you value their, time insight and input. Try not to take anything personally, but also show that you know what you are talking about, wherever possible and will not be messed around. You are aiming for a relationship of mutual respectâ?º

Sunny & polter - My situation is slightly different. We have the diagnosis and a statement already. We are appealing the statement to get ABA added in there. Since my daughter will be towards the end of nursery year, the statement will also name the reception school. That is where I am stuck. How on earth do I build a relationship with this reception school(which I have to pick based on a few chats and in those chats build a relationship also)?

I have a not-so-bad relationship with the daycare. It only went not-co-bad from good when I reduced her hours and requested the ABA tutor to be allowed in. They allow ABA in there, but dont like it.. KWIM?

Sorry I didn't mean to scare you, that wasn't my intention. I am sure many have good relationships. I now have a very good relationship with indi school.

I have found the difference between 2 old schools and new school, is indi school is far less defensive and willing to try to understand. They are prepared to say they are not an expert in my ds and are still getting to know him. Above all else they are willing, honest and eager to work in partnership with me and other professionals, rather than pretending to be 'expert' in every child and every SN.

I am sure there are plenty of schools like this.

Hi Salondon,
I was in a very similar situation. I had a dx and a statement about 6 months before having to apply for school.

I went to see 6 based initially on their ofsted report and always made sure my first visit (look round) was with the HT. During that visit is when i mentioned the additional needs of my child and saw the look on their face gauged their reaction. If it was a positive i arranged a second meeting to go through how many hours /needs /SLT /OT requirements would be on the statement.
That meeting was very important and i obviously went through how i envsiaged ms would work at least for the few years with ds.

At that point i was also appealing for 5 extra hours of the school week to be supported and for SALT and OT - however, i was prepared to pay for these to go into school and train teach the exercises to the TA who i envisaged would cary them out on a daily basis, till teh tribunal decision.
Truth was is that my SALT and OT was preparing cognitive and visual exercises in a VB manner so it was essential i get the school on board so to speak.
As long as the school knew the SALT and OT wasn't coming out of their funding pocket they were fine.

I kept it extremely business and professional like and usually chaired most of the IEP /developmental meetings about ds during the last 15 months.

If i could have my time again, i would not have based my initial viewings on ofsted -with a particular focus on outstanding status.
I would have gone for a school with more experience of children with additional needs and asked more about the credentials of the TA and i would steer well away from academies.

It didn't work out great at our first ms school and my ds jus started reception in sept 2013. We are moving to a smaller pupil sized ms school where the HT/SENCO and school have experience of additional needs.

We start in a couple of weeks- i'll let you know how it goes! But this time every support has been won at tribunal. The TA has been specifically recruited for my ds and the school know about about the level of support (SALT and OT) that will be coming in weekly to train the TA. The LEA have also arranged a meeting (never happened first time round) to make sure the school are fully aware of their responsibilities to make the reasonable adjustments required.

No worries Claw!

Thanks Lesley. I went and spoke to a few local schools and was too honest I suppose. In my first meeting(I already tell them on the phone that I have a statemented child), I mentioned ABA and everyone just closes their mind at thr point. I am struggling to figure out if I should not mention it and let that hand grenade drop on their desks in the form of a statement or continue with my approach of being honest and saying 'this is a 25hr/week program we are talking about and no it's NOT teachh. Are you still willing to talk to me?'

I guess a middle path exists. It just doesn't appeal to me:( If it's going to be on the statement/we will pay for it privately why not just mention it? That is the whole aim of my chat - to figure out if they are willing to try something different.

I suppose this is where my people skills fail me

You seem to have things in the right order there Lesley:)

I found ms schools to be very closed when I tried to make an appointment to talk to HT and view the school. Some didnt even seem to realise, that i was entitled to make an appointment. I was told by one, 'we don't set the criteria, apply to the LA' yes I know, but I would like to come and see the school and chat with the HT before I decide if I want my child to come to this school!

Have you tried SS or indie schools?

I agree Claw. After moving county it took a couple of weeks before an appointment was granted for us to meet staff and look around.

Records later obtained showed that the school had advised the LA that they were struggling to cope with their SA+ children let alone those with a statement!. Of course, we weren't aware of this at all as we were told that they could definitely meet needs

Badnewsallround, I think the LA apply an awful lot of pressure on MS schools to meet needs or at least say they can, then when they cant it leads to dishonesty.

Indi school was a totally different ball game, I suspect where they are more independent of the LA. I was invited to have a chat with the HT and have a look around school. In fact 2 boys with HFA showed me around. I was encouraged to share info about ds's needs etc. Ds was invited to have a few trial days so they could assess if they could meet ds's needs and I could assess if it was the right school for ds. They communicated with me via email the whole time. Why cant MS schools do this, rather than blindly say they can? Previous MS refused to even give me an email address for SENCO!

After this, they were honest with me and told me they were not sure if they could manage ds's high level of anxiety (due to crap statement not providing funding for this) However they are now asking the LA for funding for this. Previous MS schools, would rather deny there was a problem, than ask for funding.