Should i apply for SA or wait and see

[Skylar123]

My Ds is in y3.dx hfa. I have posted many times before and I'm really thankful for the help, support and advice I have received as I doubt I would have come this far without it.
Over the last term Ds has shown extreme anxiety about going in to school. Actually he has always shown it but this term he has gone further and point blank refused. It has been very traumatic to say the least. Sch have taken note and are seemingly doing all they can to help. He now starts earlier, has 10 mins on computer before anyone else comes in to class. He has support at school that includes play therapy, social stories time, uses lap top once a week rather than writing as he really struggles with writing and holding his pencil, help from TA when needed and a card system plus his own timetable so he can see his routine. He is a stickler for having to know what is happening, he has some issues with transition, some literal understanding of language and can struggle socially at times. He has one main friend who quite frankly I don't know what he would do without him. Autism specialist advisory service have been in to observe and noted his one friend and that the concern with Ds seemed to be with mainly with transitions although not all, no sensory difficulties were observed but Ds needs support and structure through transitions as a priority and she gave some recommendations.
Academically he is improving, he is excellent at reading and spelling not so good at maths and literacy, he can't form his letters properly yet. A recent series of academic tests scored him mostly within the average range but with sentence reading from text at well above average and lower average for semantic fluency and alliteration. Poor working memory,
inference, connectives and deduction. He is making progress as far as his levels go. The specialist teacher who carried out the tests has listed a whole heap of strategies for the school.
All this aside and I know Ds is not half as behind or struggling as much as some are and I am aware and grateful for that but I'm still worried. Sch tell me Ds is fine, doing well, no issues really, following instructions, gets it. Ds is telling me he hates it, it's hard, he can't do learning, he is rubbish, he doesn't understand to quote some of his phrases. I know he also struggles socially as up until the past year he had no friends and sat on his own at playtime but now he has his main friend who is a lovely boy and seems to adore my Ds. Ds does say things like why doesn't so and so like me, why do they run away from me or why won't they play my game and I hate them and they hate me, etc.
during the holiday period Ds has been far less anxious and life had been easier, of course we still have the usually day to day issues that come with Ds but his panic about school has disappeared as he doesn't have to go at the moment. I have delibrately calmed things down and we have had a relaxing break with no stressful commitments or rushing around (not that Ds does rushing anyway)
should I not apply for sA for fear of being laughed at by school and LA and trust that Ds is coping ? Why is he telling me he is not and sch telling me he is? I don't want to go through it all if he is ok but then if he isn't I can't let him down as no one else will do it. Sorry to ramble what do you think, am I being over cautious and worrying too much. Should I let things lie? Thank you

Based on what you have said and comparison to my boys especially ds2 I think your son will need a statement eventually but whether you will get one at the moment is debatable as it sounds like the anxiety is not causing the school major problems yet. Do you have the school refusal documented e.g. days late into school or missed. Start keeping a diary. Start trying to accumulate the evidence. It was not until ds2 started becoming disruptive at school that they (or if I am honest we) started to take the school hating and refusal seriously.

We do now have a statement for ds2 but the school hatred is so entrenched that it is proving difficult to overcome even with the high level of support he is now getting (ARP unit, personalised curriculum and 1:1 TA). He is less depressed now than in the Summer so I hope we are moving in the right direction. I wish the LA's would realise that earlier intervention would save them a lot of money and the child a lot less distress.

The worst that can happen is that they say no and you can reapply in six months so you don't have a lot to lose. Have you talked to the school about it - they sound to be pretty helpful in trying to get support for your son so worth trying to get them onside.

Skylar,

You know your child best. And although you say there are children who perhaps struggle more and are more behind than him; this shouldn't stop you from stepping up and applying for a Statement. Only look at your child as there will always be others who are worse off but let their parents deal with them.
He is in year 3 and already refusing to go to school. The SA is a lengthy battle but start the ball rolling now. You are his only advocate and remember to look ahead. It isn't going to get any better (sorry I don't mean to be harsh).
Take care x

Thank you all for your fab replies.
I have a copy of the what to do when you worry too much book that Ds and I are working through.
Iam not sure if the lates due to refusal have been recorded and I will check. I have them all recorded. Before Ds started coming in early he began with coming in late then sch changed it to try coming in early. When he was coming in late they said it would not be recorded as a late. Ideally so it didn't go against his attendance and effect the schools high attendance record which they take very seriously.
I do also feel it isn't going to get any better and secondary school really really worries me.
I think Ds is struggling more than they realise I think this because I can see it before and after school. The last day if term he was in a heap on the floor telling me he had such a bad day and sobbing his heart out. Why would a 7 yr old tell me he can't learn. I also think that some things are not as bad as they may seem sometimes. Going back to school next week will be awful once again I have really enjoyed the holidays this time. We have a camhs referral going through so hopefully this will help, maybe.
Happy new year to one and all x

My Dd3 has Asd, she has masked her difficulties at school for years and has never had a meltdown at school. She struggles to go to school most days and I am ashamed to say that I allowed school staff to physically remove her from me in the early days.

She does her absolute best to be invisible at school when actually she is a loud bubbly, out going child who is very lively. She becomes very anxious at school and brings everything home with her.

She is now in yr6 and has no statement. I wish I had started the process earlier. Start gathering your evidence now and make sure school are doing their paperwork too. You need IEP's and reveiws so make sure the are being done.

I would not leave applying any later than yr4 as you need time to go to tribunal if it come to that.

Good luck

My Dd3 has Asd, she has masked her difficulties at school for years and has never had a meltdown at school. She struggles to go to school most days and I am ashamed to say that I allowed school staff to physically remove her from me in the early days.

She does her absolute best to be invisible at school when actually she is a loud bubbly, out going child who is very lively. She becomes very anxious at school and brings everything home with her.

She is now in yr6 and has no statement. I wish I had started the process earlier. Start gathering your evidence now and make sure school are doing their paperwork too. You need IEP's and reveiws so make sure the are being done.

I would not leave applying any later than yr4 as you need time to go to tribunal if it come to that.

Good luck

Oops sorry was bein impatient

Thanks. It's horrible isn't it when they are physically removed from you I had that everyday but now he goes In Ok. He was threatened to be sent to the head teachers office a few times which petrified him (this was before I knew about his asd or I would have hit the roof) and told to stop behaving silly.

Recently when he wouldn't go in due to recent sch refusal the senco and the head literally dragged him from my car, I was telling them it was totally wrong!

Are you now applying for a statement?

I'm wondering how long my Ds will keep it together at school for. He told me he strangled another child at the end of term but he told me that not the teachers. He is a good boy who would not usually do that type of thing especially not in school. I heard that they were doing away with statements soon. Wonder what they will be replaced with. I'm really in two minds but my gut is telling me to do it.

Yes we have put in a parental request for a statement. It has been turned down but we will fight for it.

I hate the fact that Dd3 is forced to go to school and feel that all it has taught her is too get through the day and get home again.

I know she enjoys some aspects of school and she has some lovely friends, they are all quirky in their own way but they support each other.

The last time she refused to go to school the HT offered to come and fetch her but I refused and asked him to spend his time sorting out the issues that were making her anxious.

I have got stroppy lately but feel like I have been forced into it.

Statement are going to be replaced by EHCP's (education, health and care plans) They could in theory be better for children with Asd but the government are planning to cut 20% off the number of them compared to statements so our high functioning kids probably wont get a look in.

What is your SENCO like?? Could you talk to him or her because if their paperwork isnt thorough enough it will be much harder.

I didnt realise this and it has not helped!!