Parenting a child with suspected ADHD - any tips please, feeling rather desparate.

[redwineattheweekend]

I have thought that DD (4) has adhd for a while. She is too young for a formal diagnosis I know but we are seeing peadiatrician for second time in the new year. DH also likely had/has it too.

She can't stop moving, has difficulty concentrating on anything for long except tv, she does sleep well, but any naps during the day mess that up unless we mega wear her out. I would say she is quite bright, but the concentration difficulties holds her back and she has very low tolerance for frustration.

We are really struggling these holidays. I think it might be the change in routine, a number of gifts, lots of visitors and us going out and no preschool. The last few days have really been difficult, particularly when we want her to do things, just simple things like put shoes on to go somewhere she wants to go. It seems if she can be defiant over something she will. I give her choices and she ignores me. She is worse for me than DH, but I ask her to do more of the boring stuff.

I was using a 1,2,3, approach, but then someone suggested gentle parenting, but I think that just made things worse. She's only 4 and we're struggling like this

Gentle parenting my arse. Only works for weedy gentle dc, with weedy gentle parents. 123-Magic is the business

That said, not all battles are worth fighting, and most can be avoided with a bit of thought. So the Explosive Child is worth a read, as is the out-of synch child

Drawing (literally- with pictures) up a timetable for the holidays often helps.

So you keep most of the day scheduled exactly the same as on preschool days, breakfast, getting dressed, lunch, TV time, bath, bed etc, but you put a "going-out" activity in instead of preschool.

A walk to the park, then cup of tea in supermarket cafe was our basic substitute unless something more interesting is available

With a very basic framework, & a mini-version of in her pocket for you to use when reminding her, you have more chance of chucking something novel into the mix (like visiting someone overnight- you then do 'their' park for your walk) and getting away with it

explosive child thread link

Have a look at the Tinsley House thread - we've been doing the programme for a year and it has made a huge difference to us.

Omega fish oils and cutting out all food colourings and foods which cause a sugar rush. Slow release carbs.

Pick your battles and let the less important things go. Allow her to make as many choices as possible so she has more control. Follow through with threats always, so make sure it's something reasonable (playtime etc).

Try hard to find things to be positive about, lots of praise and ignore certain behaviour if you can. My experience was DS thrived on any attention however negative, but it was bad for all of us.

Talk to your DD about behaviour as much as possible. This was our most successful ploy but never lasted very long because of the attention deficit side of it

Make sure she gets enough sleep and keep the bedtime as early as she will tolerate to avoid silly o'clock waking. You need that rest time more than she does!

Thank you all very much. Went back to 1, 2, 3 then consequence morning,and have much calmer household. Will check out explosive child. We've taken out all preservatives as noticed she couldn't tolerate any drink other than water or milk. I keep hearing about fish oils, I shall look into that a bit more. Does anyone know if you can get drops, not sure she'd take a pill.

Yes to thriving on any attention, we seem to get into a negative cycle and remain for the day sometimes. I must try to ignore more I think. Thanks again, I'll check out the links.

Thank you all very much. Went back to 1, 2, 3 then consequence morning,and have much calmer household. Will check out explosive child. We've taken out all preservatives as noticed she couldn't tolerate any drink other than water or milk. I keep hearing about fish oils, I shall look into that a bit more. Does anyone know if you can get drops, not sure she'd take a pill.

Yes to thriving on any attention, we seem to get into a negative cycle and remain for the day sometimes. I must try to ignore more I think. Thanks again, I'll check out the links.

Thank you all very much. Went back to 1, 2, 3 then consequence morning,and have much calmer household. Will check out explosive child. We've taken out all preservatives as noticed she couldn't tolerate any drink other than water or milk. I keep hearing about fish oils, I shall look into that a bit more. Does anyone know if you can get drops, not sure she'd take a pill.

Yes to thriving on any attention, we seem to get into a negative cycle and remain for the day sometimes. I must try to ignore more I think. Thanks again, I'll check out the links.

You can get fish oils in capsules and squirt it into water. Tastes vile though. There are other sources of omega 3 but I'm not sure how it all works.

Just try real oily fish. Can be easier.

We use vegepa orange chewables from igennus for omega 3 and both ds and dd take them with no complaints. Ds (asd/ADHD) also takes the floradix saludynam and kinder vital as recommended by robin pauc in the brain food plan book, also cut down refined carbs and increase protein for consistent blood sugar levels.
We tried tinsleyhouseclinic but had to stop as there was no way he could actually do the exercises, not in a million could we get him to sit still for the five mins required to do the computer programme ones. However, I do think it would work well for many many children.
Ds also has been taking behaviour balance DMG from detox people for two years and that is very effective. However, after a decline in behaviour this summer he now also takes equasym xl for his ADHD and things are much better. When we tried 123 magic the first time a couple of years ago it was a complete disaster as the first count would instantly send him into a massive violent meltdown. It would then take about 40 minsto get him to do a time out only for him to straight away repeat the negative behaviour. Now, although account has never yet stopped his behaviour we are able to put him into a 'holding time out' (he still cannot just go to his room) and there is progress- particularly his aggression towards dd has virtually stopped. We hope for more progress as time goes by.
I do think the explosive child is a brilliant book too, but withthe ADHD I think you may need 123 magic.

Just wanted to say - such a brilliant thread. Comments from Maria - brilliant. Really made me laugh. Love your approach. I'm having similar issues with my 6 yo and it's a bit overwhelming. having to really pin the school down. He is now been put on SAP and through speaking to head and teachers frequently, have now got him one-to-one spport with reading. Have also had a 'hyper sensitivity' diagnosis from Occupational Therapist and I have to brush his skin every 90 minutes to help de-sensitize it.
Am taking 2 weeks off work to do this programme over feb half term.
Also waiting for report from SALT (ASD specialist) and paediatrician. It's a maze....

And I do 123 magic. Have done it for years with my DS (6) and NT DD (5). Touchwood - I have never reached 3. However, their father (who I'm divorcing ho-hum) always reaches 3. It's as if they know he doesn't quite understand the concept of pausing between 'That's 1,' 'That's 2' etc.

OP. All I can say is keep pushing for advice and support. I've secretly known since DS was 2 and everyone else seems to be in denial. I'm going to try social stories next - have heard they're really useful.