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SN children

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Original poster

Reported to Social Services 'Anonymously'!

40 replies

AaronsMummy · 22/07/2006 14:44

Just arrived home after a lovely week in Weymouth and have opened a letter from SS saying that they have received a complaint concerning the children making noise in the early hours and the children being shouted at. I am furious - DS2 is ASD and doesnt sleep - he also shares a bedroom with DS1 and likes to cause havoc in the early hours. Not so far been a problem as my neighbour had been away for 12 months, but now on her return she does this - we have been neighbours for over 10 year FGS why couldnt she have said something to me!!!

OP posts:

SSSandy · 22/07/2006 14:47

Go over and ask her to her face, that'll stop her reporting "anonymously" in future. I would say, SS had notified you about her complaint. Why didn't she speak to you directly? Really put her on the spot.

helsi · 22/07/2006 14:48

how awful for you. How do you know it's her? could you say anything to her if you were friends previously?

southeastastra · 22/07/2006 14:53

how awful for you, why couldn't she have talked to you first? what does the letter say, do you have to contact them?

Original poster

AaronsMummy · 22/07/2006 14:55

helsi - Never been friendly she has had big rows with other neighbours but I usually just avoid her.

SSSandy - I want to but she is really fierce and might hit me - she is a nutter. Nothing like my other neighbours!!

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Original poster

AaronsMummy · 22/07/2006 15:00

The letter says they wont take it any further for the moment but I feel I must ring them and point out the facts. She obviously expects something to come out of this and I can't see how anything can be improved, he is 3 as well as asd and just doesnt understand why the rest of us need to sleep. I am worried that she will complain again.

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coppertop · 22/07/2006 15:03

What an awful thing to come back to after your holiday.

southeastastra · 22/07/2006 15:05

social services probably have to deal with alot of these sorts of complaints. don't worry too much even if she does call again. they will be on your side and listen to you!

rather vindictive of her though old bat sounds like she needs an asbo

Original poster

AaronsMummy · 22/07/2006 15:07

i feel really low now - it's hard enough coping with 3 children as it is without having to deal with this on top - she hasnt spoken to me since I told her ds2 was asd.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 22/07/2006 15:09

i know it's hard but try not to even give her a second thought, she really isn't worth it

Original poster

aaronsmummy · 22/07/2006 15:13

I know you're right - just going to be paranoid about any noise for a while. Should have mentioned to her that with the hot nights and having the bedroom windows open - I can her and her partner having sex!!!

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southeastastra · 22/07/2006 15:18

nice! all kids make a noise in this heat anyway she needs to get a life

Beauregard · 22/07/2006 15:31

Ffs has she nothing else to do?
for you

niceglasses · 22/07/2006 15:48

Bad mannered, rude, woman. How annoying and saddening for your. Grrrr. I would go over very politely and expalin and show her what manners are. Grrrrrrrrrr

Hattie05 · 22/07/2006 15:50

Interesting that we you call this lady a vindictive old bat, but then when people ask advice about suspicions they have on mumsnet, everyone is quick to recommend they report to SS.

I realise this is awful for you AaronsMummy, but as someone else said, SS will be on your side and if it happens again one visit to see you and hear your explanation will sort it out without a doubt.

Lets not forget though, that there are many children out there who do get the help they need thanks to people who make such calls to SS and ok in this instance the neighbour has got the wrong end of the stick, in other circumstances it could've meant saving a child's life.

I wouldn't speak to this neighbour about it tbh -firstly do you have proof it was her? and secondly it may only cause problems you don't need.

macwoozy · 22/07/2006 16:13

I wouldn't give her the time of day AaronsMummy, she sounds like a right bitch. Not only has she no understanding of the difficulties being faced with an ASD child in the middle of the night, but it sounds like she's not even prepared to listen in order to understand. How annoying for you

fattiemumma · 22/07/2006 17:05

send her some information leaflets about ASD anonymousley.

but on the back put HAPPY READING YOU IGNORANT OLD SLOSHBAG!

nicnack2 · 22/07/2006 17:12

get a dog that very yappy to drown out your children and that should really p her off. children make noise regardless of time.

fattiemumma · 22/07/2006 17:25

ok...im now being sensible and actually agree with Hattie.

she has been away for a year and so may not realise your LO has ASD.
and we always tell people not to confront peopoe who they believe are putting children at harm as they may then try to hide what is happening.

she may be a little misguided and certainly on the wrong track but she did it in the best interests of your child....i would hope.

i would try and catch her one day and jus6t mention what a nightamre the kids are being...hopefully she will enter into a small convo and you can let it slip that its so difficult as DS has ASD.
hopefully that will puther mind at ease and you wont get any further complaints.
not that you should worry about them even if you do...your doing a fine job and they would come to visit, see what is going on and leave you in peace..or better still offer you some help!

cat64 · 22/07/2006 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

aaronsmummy · 22/07/2006 18:17

I actually had a chat with her a couple of weeks ago about ds waking so early and being noisy - I apologised, she said she had heard him but she was up early herself anyway so it didn't matter - I told her about his asd and she hasnt spoken a word to me since! I do understand Social Services are invaluble and they have to look into these matters and this is why I will be letting them know the situation asap incase of any more contact from her. I just feel really upset about it - does she really think I would hurt my children - I am not even a very strict mother, i don;t slap them and try not to raise my voice to them.

OP posts:

Hattie05 · 22/07/2006 19:12

You are right to feel hurt from it aaronsmummy, but does she know you well enough to know that? I wouldn't be able to judge which of my neighbours just from polite chats in the street. If there is more of a friendship between you both then fair enough, but if not then you shouldn't take it personally, she is just showing concern.

Jimjams2 · 22/07/2006 20:16

Oh how dreadful for you. But use it to your advantage. Do you get any help from SS yet? When you ring them, explain about the ASD and request a care assessment. Then ask for direct payments. If you're going to be "known" to SS you may as well try and get them to do their job (and it will take a year to sort out so worth starting now if your neighbour is going to be difficult). Also go to the paed and ask for melatonin if you don't have it already.

Or ask SS to recommend someone who will fund a safespace It's not ideal that your children are sharing rooms if one has ASD- use this complaint to get someone to do something about that (whether its funding for a safespace or building work or whatever).

VERY odd that she hasn't spoken to you since you mentioned ASD. Perhaps she thinks it's catching!!! THAT sounds seriously like her problem and I'd be tempted to keep to myself as much as possible, if she's that odd about it she won't get better..... I wouldn't even bother tyring to educate her. just lie low.

Jimjams2 · 22/07/2006 20:23

Incidentally I'd have been very upset if I'd been reported to SS when ds1 was 3 by someone who knew he had autism, it would make me feel very vulnerable. I wouldn't mind so much now (although I;d be very annoyed if I'd taken the time to explain the situaiton to them) but I wouldn't feel vulnerable as despite SS being quite useless and ineffective down here I do have a good relationship with individual social workers and I know there are reports filed saying I'm a good mother. I'd really encourage you to approach social services and start asking for help with your son's disability. You are entitled to it, and if people are going to start complaining it is good protection.

Original poster

aaronsmummy · 22/07/2006 20:48

JJ2- I have had an assesment done already by SS but as he is only 3 I told them I didn't want any respite help as my Mum and Sil have offered to have him once a week each. He is at Playgroup 5 mornings a week and they keep him for 4 hours instead of the 2.5 hour entitlement. I feel that he is away enough. He is making excellent progress since his dx - he now can use small sentances instead of screaming and we use the PECS system. I am currently on the Hanen Course which is good. My Doc won't prescribe Melatonin but I have found a source and we have used it tonight - so far so good! I have an appointment coming up to see if I can get help with any alterations that need to be made to our home to accomodate my lo so I will look at the safespace website - i could even look at soundproofing the room lol and that would have been a priority if she had come to me directly.

OP posts:

Jimjams2 · 22/07/2006 20:54

But you don't need to spend dps on respite..... I use my direct payments for "an extra pair of hands" (will make a huge difference during school holidays). If you think you might ever need them do apply early- mine did take a year to sort out, and that seems to be typical- or at least not untypical.....

It's good that you are known to SS though already. It makes things easier if the neighbour is going to be difficult.

PECS is great

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