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Original poster

Anyone else have a child who doesn't know its Christmas

34 replies

jess1975 · 21/12/2013 22:24

Feeling vey sad. My DS is 3.5 and practically no understanding of language. He has no clue who santa is. I've no way of telling him he will be at home for two weeks instead of going to special school. He so loves the Christmas tree though and smiles while looking at the lights. Hoping he will enjoy some of his toys.

OP posts:

AgnesDiPesto · 21/12/2013 22:42

I did have when he was 3 and 4. At 5 and 6 he got parts of it. He liked the tree and the school play and carols. He's now 7. He probably will open some presents this year as he did at his birthday a few weeks ago. He probably won't get excited by any of them, or play with them. He'll spend most of the time on a screen in a room far away from everyone else. Each year he 'gets' a bit more about it. He remembers a bit more about what happened last time.

If you think about it Christmas is odd. Trees are inside not outside. Toys are covered in paper, not available to play with. Lots of people come to the house at once and are noisy. We eat turkey when we don't any other time. We pull bits of paper and they make a bang. We set puddings on fire. Its a load of bizarre rituals.

I haven't even bothered to explain santa we have enough trouble explaining real things without starting on pretend ones.

We cross off days on a calendar to explain holidays etc. He can understand dates now, but wouldn't have at 3. He knows Christmas is on 25 Dec - but he learns it as a rule not as anything to be excited about.

Its natural to feel sad. Its part of who you are and your history that Christmas is supposed to be special. It is sad you can't share it. That you can't recreate the excitement you felt as a child and pass that on.

But I feel less sad each year, it becomes your new 'normal'. More and more I learn to see the world through his eyes and find myself questioning why we do these things anyway!

When he was 4 we gave hardly any presents, we spent the money on a weekend in January at Centerparcs and enjoyed the look on his face when he whizzed down the watersides instead.

JadedAngel · 21/12/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lesley25 · 22/12/2013 08:19

lovely way of putting it Agnes.
I 'm in the same boat with my ds1 and jaded, your point about walking round toys r us was so true for us too.
Just getting the food shop in and the cashier turns to me and says "are the children excited?"....she means well, but telling anyone how its so far away from our "normal" is hard. We tend to nod and look the other way.

For the small minority of us who fit into this world its a hard place to be. I just wanted to say, its not just your family.

As for presents, we only do 2 or 3 each and use the money for a break at half term in feb too.

Lesley25 · 22/12/2013 08:19

didnt mean to cross jaded out meant to make you bold!

osospecial · 22/12/2013 12:33

Hi Jess, my dd is 4 and doesn't know it's xmas, and has no idea about Santa, like Lesley said everybody asks 'is she excited?' meaning well and it's easier just to say yes.
She is our only DC so it is hard not to be doing the whole Santa thing, putting mince pies out xmas eve and all the exitement of it like Agnes said, you want to recreate your exitement you had as a child.
But on the plus side she is getting a bit more into her toys and I think she will be pleased with her presents, especially if I don't wrap them. She is not bothered at opening them and I usually have to do that bit anyway! On her birthday a couple of months ago her face lit up when she saw her present in the living room (I didn't wrap it), last year she wouldn't have taken any notice at all so hopefully xmas day she will be pleased with some of the new toys. I think it's worse now when relatives buy presents and you can't even get them to look at it let alone feign excitement over it!

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 12:47

Oh gosh I know exactly how you feel. My DS is four and a half (non-verbal) and does not understand Christmas. I have already felt so sad the last couple of Christamases about this. I always had, in common with many other people, a really special magical feeling about Christmas and I would give anything to be able to give that to DS, but he can't really get it.

People at work have been saying "Oh your DS must be getting really excited about Christmas, he is old enough to get excited now. What does he want from Santa" etc etc. Difficult, as none of that applies to him.

Although: he is enjoying some of the accompanying bits for the first time this year, without realising what it is all about. At least he has actually noticed the tree this year, even if it is just to pull the ornaments off it and find that immensely funny. Last year he didn't notice it at all. DH played Santa at the school party this week and DS seemed to enjoy the party (and did not recognise DH, so well was he disguised!). So it's not like he isn't having nice things happen. He just doesn't know what it is about and is not able to anticipate or get excited about anything, or ask for anything that he might like. (And given how much he loves school, I am sure if he could ask for anything it would be not to have the time off from school!).

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 12:48

Yes osospecial I agree, it is just easier to say yes when people say oh is he getting excited....

osospecial · 22/12/2013 13:13

Oh yes dudes, the tree, dd likes to take the decorations off and place on sofa, I have lost count of the number of times I've decorated the tree this year! will be glad when I get to take it down
Dd is enjoying some bits more, like you say, the xmas party in school, she enjoyed the dancing, but its hard to hear other mums with DC the same age talking about the xmas play, I'd love for dd to be in the play and go and watch it but even though they had one in school we decided it wasn't worth dragging dd out at 6pm to stand on a stage which she would hate and wouldn't understand any of it and wouldnt take part anyway

zzzzz · 22/12/2013 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 13:47

We had a fairly good experience with the nativity play at school, not that DS understood what was going on, but he was able to be there and not stand out in any way (always the best result!). But only with much planning and forethought, which does bring it home to one how different we have to be from other families where things just happen without all the thought and planning!

DS was a shepherd. We had him wear the costume all afternoon and evening at home for several days in advance. Then on the morning of the play both his TA and his ABA tutor were with him the whole time. I packed a shoulder bag for the tutor with three large bags of cucumber slices, packs of chocolate buttons and a deck of picture cards. So the shepherd on the end of the row looked like he had a gambling problem as he riffled through a pack of cards as he stood on the stage! His helpers were great though, very unobtrusively feeding him cucumbers from the side of the stage! Me, DH and our two grown-up daughters hid behind a pillar at the back of the hall and watched the smallest shepherd blend into the group, all heaving a collective sigh of relief!

autumnsmum · 22/12/2013 14:08

Today dp finally admitted dd2 doesn't play with toys and l

autumnsmum · 22/12/2013 14:09

Sorry posted to soon and like other people have said she's getting toys for a younger child

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 14:16

Not easy to get presents here either. It is hard to predict what DS will and won't like, and he gets so many things all year round anyway (always getting him loads of resources and toys to work with on his ABA programme) so there's not much he doesn't have....

And the one thing he has shown a huge interest in lately (a toy Lamborghini belonging to a friend's child), the nanny has already gone and bought for him, so I can't do that one!

autumnsmum · 22/12/2013 14:19

Dd2 loves the ipad

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 14:25

DS already has an iPad (and a phone! The phone is used as a reinforcer as he loves to access YouTube. He does NOT get to make phone calls!).

autumnsmum · 22/12/2013 14:32

It's weird dp and I were discussing getting dd2 an iPad as that is the only thing she plays with but on a weird level it feels wrong she's a four year old girl she should be asking for dolls etc

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 22/12/2013 15:44

Ds is nine and this is the first year he's excited about christmas.
He's told Santa what he wants and can't wait for him to come.
Everything else about Christmas like dinner, visitors ect he won't entertain but he doesn't get distressed about the routine change anymore and let's us get on with enjoying ourselfs.
For the 3rd year running he's been fab in the nativity, he was a Shepard this year but he wore headphones andistened to pop music throughout it, but sat beautifully .

theDudesmummy · 22/12/2013 16:01

I am sure lots of real shepherds listen to music and play cards as they watch their flocks!

ouryve · 22/12/2013 16:35

DS2 (7.5) is vaguely aware that something is going on, and he knows a few Christmas songs, but he doesn't really "get" the significance or Christmas, in any sense (or of birthdays, for that matter). He just finds it all faintly amusing and, sometimes last year, decided that opening presents was a fun activity.

2boysnamedR · 22/12/2013 17:03

My son has spent years not getting the concept of most things in life. He didn't know it was his birthday when he was five. I asked how old he was and said 75!

As he gets older he gasps more and more so I am pretty he knows Christmas is soon.

2boysnamedR · 22/12/2013 17:05

Just asked him what happens Christmas Day - "we go back to school" erm... Not quite....

Lesley25 · 22/12/2013 17:41

i think with the way the worlds changing that an ipad isnt such a bad thing. we have children who learn differently. I'm not sure my ds atm will learn to talk read or write. but if he does, the writing part will be so much easier in the real world if he used a computer as 'm sure hand writing isn't going to come easy at all to him. If ever to be honest.

i also think with the rapidly changing 'motivators" our dc go through, an ipad helps us to able to access these in some way for when they do change at a moments notice.
nope, an ipad is definitely not a bad thing.

ds (5) doesn't really get xmas,but like others have said above, small things like noticing the tree and lights this year, inside and outside the house, and flicking all the decorations off. I'm hoping that developmentally this will improve year on year as others have said.

so we've gone for the 2 cars we know he will like to get on xmas day and then maybe a ipad mini in jan. On the one plus side, it does mean we can buy gifts in the sale and ds will be just as happy - now or xmas day.

osospecial · 22/12/2013 17:54

I also think the iPad is a great tool or our DC. Dd used to love playing the spelling games (drag the letter to the right box) and matching games and has learned a lot from it. She uses mine at the moment (but I bought it as I'd heard about great speech therapy apps available).
I nearly bought her one for xmas of her own but just decided there wasn't any need as sharing one meant she didn't spend too much time on it. If she had her own and had her way she would happily spend all day on it and lately she watches more Mickey Mouse than plays the games but every so often she goes back to the games. I need to download some new ones really. It amazed me how quickly she 'got' the iPad and how easily she navigated around it when teaching her any language skills was so hard.

tryingtokeepintune · 22/12/2013 18:32

AT 3.5, ds only had a few words, showed no interest in getting or playing with presents or any toys, had no idea what Christmas was about.

At 5 and 6, he used to try to rearrange the ornaments on the tree, understood parts of the whole Christmas thing eg. tree, Crackers, coloured boxes under the tree.

AT 8 and 9 he used to get too excited about the whole thing. One year, he was so excited that he started overturning things around the house.

This year he wrote Father Christmas a letter, talked about what he'd like, asked who is coming around etc.

Small improvements over the years.

Lesley25 · 22/12/2013 18:56

thanks trying means a lot to hear how your ds has progressed.
gives me hope x

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