sad for DS1

[sphil]

As many of you know I go through periods of worrying about DS1's social interaction. Although he has a best friend at school and some other friends too, he often seems on the edge of groups - and although other children seem to like him well enough, he's not often chosen as the person to play with or sit next to, iyswim. Part of this is down to him: he tends to play alongside others still and very much wants to play to his own agenda.

Today it was his best friend's 5th birthday and five of them, including DS, went to the local pizza place for a meal after school. The kids were all fighting over who went in the car with who, and who sat next to who in the restaurant - but no-one wanted to travel with or sit with DS, not even his best friend. During the course of the afternoon one girl made a comment about the stammer he's developed recently and when he was slow to move out of the way at one point, a number of them made comments about how 'slow' he is at school, including 'DS is as slow as a slug in PE' . The comments didn't seem to have any effect on DS - he appeared not to notice - though he was upset that he couldn't sit next to his best friend at the restaurant.

Don't know why I'm posting this really - just feel really upset on his behalf tonight. And I worry that his 'differences' - the dyspraxic traits, the slightly odd language, the lack of sporting ability - will make him more of a target for unkindness as he gets older.

At least he didn't notice the comments, although somehow that hurts as well

I must reply to your email as well- will tomorrow- sorry been a hectic week....

I hesitate to say this and come across like Pollyanna, but you may find that the thoughtless remarks ease as the friends get older. Ds was (and is) very slow at games and stuff, and I can remember one day when I was helping in the class, and they were 5, one of the girls coming back from gym and groaning "oh god I've got x as a partner for dancing and he can't even skip". Move on a few years and they were all genuinely cheering him for making the largest amount of (admittedly crap) progress in gym. I can't tell you how much kindness and understanding he's had the last few years- he doesn't have SN but is a bit eccentric and clumsy. Lovely though. I do hope it's the same for your ds.

Sphl,in lots of cases,the fact that a child with SN is prey to the sort of throwaway disaaraging remarks that all kids receive,is a good sign.
He's one of the gang.

Have you considered this????

Not Pollyanna-ish at all Tamum - I love to be reassured! Tbh the comments today weren't really meant unkindly - they were more observational than anything else. I hope you're right - as they get older they'll realise that they don't have to be so piercingly honest! DS doesn't have any identified SN either - eccentric and clumsy sums him up too - and his one big strength is that he's bloody nice - always cheerful, good at sharing, doesn't make a fuss about minor stuff etc etc. Much of the time other kids respond to that - it's just that when they don't I feel this huge sense of injustice.

Good to hear you again JJ - look forward to your e-mail

Moondog - I suppose you're right. All kids do get these sort of remarks. I guess it's largely because we're unsure whether he has SN or whether he's just a bit 'different' that I'm more sensitive.