CBA I think it's great that you've come here as a BCBA to answer q's about ABA, and hopefully has been useful for posters who might be thinking about it but don't know much about it.
lougle You summed up the OPs discussions as:#
"ABA works if the child is non-verbal, can't vocalise why they do what they do and can't can't coherently complain about what we're making them do.
If they can tell us why they do what they do and can put up a logical defence, then ABA isn't right for them."
Sorry but that's totally inaccurate! The OP didn't say ABA wasn't right if a child could talk, nor (crucially) that ABA wasn't right if the child "can't coherently complain about what we're making them do
That is putting totally the wrong words into the OPs mouth, and is seriously misleading. I have never heard of any child complaining about what they do in an ABA programme, ever.
Would you say that CBT also has no place in shaping behaviour just because the person doing it is able to say why they need it?
The OP said, in response to a specific point, that other forms of support eg CBT might be helpful for anxiety.
My ds is able to verbalise some things that make him anxious. It doesn't mean that strategies using an ABA approach (ie positive reinforcement) are inapplicable. Just being able to voice anxieties doesn't necessarily eliminate them - but finding techniques and strategies will.
Eg very small example but when ds was 4yo he hated parties because of the noise, esp of balloons popping. Also hated whoopee cushions. He was able to say what it was he hated, but was still scared. ABA worked on these fears and overcame them. He is not forced into going to parties now, he loves them now.