Talk to me about secondary schools if you have a diagnosis but no statement

[Rabbitytatttatt]

I'm already worried sick about the thought of 8 yr old dd going to secondary school. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, possible dyspraxia still waiting for that bit.

She struggles at school on a daily basis socially. No girl friends only boys that she shares her card swapping games with.

The secondary school round here is single sex, I can't bear the thought of her going and being totally alone. There is smaller mixed school about half an hour away in the next town. How would I go about looking at getting her in there?

DS2 didn't really have friends at primary. He doesn't play football and just wasn't on the same wavelength as the other boys at all.

He is now in Y7 at a boys' secondary and is much happier. At secondary school, there are enough children that your DD is much more likely to find some others that share her interests.

Having said that, if you really fall in love with this other school and think it can best meet your DD's needs, I think the first source of advice could be the SENCO at her primary school.

It's the other girls I'm worried about. Already she is excluded from parties as she isn't into one direction or being girly. She is a massive Tom boy who loves Pokemon and animals. I'm struggling myself with memories of a go who was slightly different when I was at school and people were horrible to her but she was kind if oblivious to it .

Have you visited the schools yet? Learning Support departments can vary wildly from school to school. From looking around, you can get a sense of how many quirky children they have.

DD is Y5 and is quite 'young for her age' (she had GDD and is making progress but still seems immature compared to peers) and I have been looking at schools already, even though we won't be applying a till October.

Our closest school is very popular and oversubscribed, and children with no additional needs seem to do well there, but I wasn't overwhelmed by the Learning Support department, and all the girls seem to be much more grown-up than their age and look like clones of each other (same hairstyle, same shade of fake tan, same bag etc).

In contrast, when we visited another school, the girls seemed more individual (no make-up, had a range of interests when I chatted to them). A Y8 who was taking a break after a dance demonstration recognised DD & came over to say hello, and a Y8 (who'd been to DD's primary) asked DD to come & sit next to her in a maths demonstration. Both of these girls remembered DD's name, even though she's 3 years younger.

I think what I'm trying to say is that visiting the school can really give you a sense of what the pupils are like.

You need to check the school's admissions criteria-if they have a social/medical criterion, then this would be what you need to apply under. Check what specific evidence is accepted- usually you need written evidence from an involved professional stating the reasons why the child should attend a particular school.

Rabbitty your DD sounds fab! It's a seriously sad indictment of how most girls are brought up that they feel the need to evolve into shallow fashion victims obsessed with pop music and make up before they even reach secondary school.

In a bid to palliate what might be a difficult transition for her if she has to go to the girls' school, does she do anything like scouts, or a sport or other extra-curricular activity where there are plenty of boys and like-minded girls? A friend's DD is very good at football and taikwando and although she now plays in the girls' team (having been tops in the boys' team for years) they are all like her iyswim.

She tried brownies and hated it and left, she can't seem to stick at any hobby for very long. She gets upset quite easily. She had co-ordination difficulties so dancing and things are a no no but she is a fab freestyler and we dance a lot around the house.

I feel sad that it's such an issue that she isn't girly but already I can see her sticking out. The girls in her class had pottery parties and one direction parties , and went laser questing. I think a mixed school would be preferable.

Sorry she went laser questing .

You have 2 options here as I see it. Firstly you could apply for a statement for your daughter, then it would be possible to name your preferred school on the statement & get her in that way. Secondly, you could move nearer to your preferred school so she would be more likely to get in there. Given that she is only 8 you have plenty of time to do either.

Both my daughters are at mainstream secondary schools btw (different ones) my 12 year old is dx with ASD & is supported very well, as is my 14 year old, who has traits, but no dx. Both have no statements & are in mixed schools. I don't think single sex would suit either of them either. I went to a single sex school & I hated it. Hardly went the last few years. Worst time of my life school days.

I agree with Pixie.

Go for a Statement. She already has a diagnosis of ADHD and dyspraxia to be confirmed. And maybe there's something else going on, sorry I don't mean to offend but I am picking up on her being excluded. It can be totally innocent but is good to have this sussed out.

She sounds wonderful.

My daughter hasn't got SEN in specific apart from dyslexic tendencies and being gifted. She has a very kind soul but has often been excluded by the clique girls for the fact she is very capable; she goes well with older girls and younger ones. It almost seems as if she's 'too much' for girls her own age. She doesn't do mean either. She is also very tall at 8 years old. So my husband and I have already decided no single sex secondary school for her. We don't want her in a single sex grammar school either. Rather a high performing comprehensive with boys and girls.

Please go down the statementing route; in fact, start it now as changes are happening as of September 2014.

All the best x

I'm not sure moving is an option I'm a LP on very tight budget can't afford to move. I have been told by the school she won't 'get' a statement but if I visit the schools and apply for my preferred option with a written diagnosis or recommendation by the consultant and ths lead professional on her CAF would that hel p?

I agree with 3Bee1Gee don't discount a single sex school on the grounds your dd isn't "girlie". Both my dds go to a girls school. Neither of them would EVER be described as girlie.

With regards to your question about 'getting in to a school in the next town' - I would have thought that if the only school in your town is single sex, then there would be quite a few families who decide that isn't for them, and apply elsewhere. You need to contact the school, go to the open days, find out about how catchments work in your area, find out how likely it is she would get in there if indeed having looked around, you decide it is your preferred choice.

"I have been told by the school she won't 'get' a statement but if I visit the schools and apply for my preferred option with a written diagnosis or recommendation by the consultant and ths lead professional on her CAF would that help?"

Ignore any naysayers who tell you that your child will not get a statement. There is also a thread on here which is all about people who were told similarly!. I would suggest you make the application for a statement yourself and to the LEA in question asap.

IPSEA's website is good and its www.ipsea.org.uk