I'm concerned about my daughter.

[pseunonym]

So basically my LO is 12 months old next week. She's such a wonderful little girl and I love her dearly but I've started to notice some things about her that weren't present in my elder two.

She's always been quite delayed with milestones from the beginning. Rolling and crawling being the two that were hardest for her and she isn't walking unaided yet although she does surf furniture and climb (the latter being very nerve racking).

I am aware that children develop differently. I have two older daughters who are like chalk and cheese.

My little princess is different though. She says mum dad and nan but doesn't seem to actually know who the people are in relation to the words. She mirrors what we say. She hates being cuddled or held for very long and will not kiss anyone. Myself included. She rarely makes eye contact.

Going out is a nightmare. She seems to be very insecure and this has been since she was born really. When I try to put her in the pushchair she goes rigid and growls at me. Once shes in she'll continue to growl and strain for the entirety of the journey. I remedy this by giving her a bottle. Toys don't occupy her at all. If we go to someone's house she gets incredibly fretful and if the house is untidy she wont allow me to put her down at all. She won't let anyone else hold her unless we are at our house. She only likes watching carebears on the tv and if she hasn't watched enough of it she'll go on a mission to get the remote. She will tolerate 2 other programmes but not for long.

Getting her dressed is a struggle. She behaves like something possessed. Its almost like the clothes are hurting her.

She doesn't play with toys like another child would. She plays AT them if that makes sense. She likes to tip her ride on car over and spins the wheels. She doesn't play with us or her sisters. If we try to show her what something does she wonders off. She has no interest in other children at all except for her sisters.

I know I may well be overreacting but my mothers instinct is niggling at me to try and find out whats going on. Staying in to prevent upset is leaving me feeling trapped. She's my world I just need a little assistance. Any advice or kind words would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this, it is very difficult time to feel there is something untypical about your baby, I've been there too. My youngest who has SN ( he is 4 now) is also third child, so I understand what you are saying.

I will be frank with you, although I know it's hurtful, I do feel from your description there might be some issues, lot of it rings bells.

If you feel up for it, you can go to GP and ask for referral do developmental peadetrician, write down all your concerns.

Be prepared to be fobbed off, I went whem my ds was similar age and got told Einsten walked and talked at 4.. After few months I found private physiotherapist and her damning report eventually kicked GP into action.

Good luck and lots of strengh, you will find advice and support here, we've all been at that scary place where you are now.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply I posted on a different site and nobody bothered. What is SN? Sorry I'm not very good with acronyms.

I'm so sorry OP, but from your description it does sound very much like you need to be referred to a paediatrician.

Here the pathway criteria is that your child has to be 18 months for developmental concerns that were not picked up in the early weeks but this can be overridden with a strong enough case.

The way to build a case is to go onto sites that show you the symptoms of ASD, Dyspraxia, ADHD and other neurological disabilities and make a list of all of those that you feel your dd matches. Then it is important to make sure you put at least one real life example to demonstrate you haven't just been trawling the internet for the 'right' things to say.

You should also keep a diary and get some video of the behaviours and concerns. Video plus a written list of concerns will be hard for the GP, and importantly the 'panel' that these referrals usually need to go through, to ignore.

What Polter and babiki said. I have been there.

I would say start chasing your GP and Health Visitor. Keep a diary of her behaviours and video some of it. Starting her on a good quality fish oil could help too.

Early intervention (and whoever tells you 12 months is too early is smoking pot) is the key to the prognosis of any developmental disorder. If there isnt anything wrong, what yuo do with her wont hurt her. but if there is something amiss, what you do with her between now and school years is going to make a massive difference in her quality of life.

You should ask for referral to a development paediatrician, Speech and language, Occupational therapy, Clinical psycology and Portage.

If you can afford to go private, do so also.

pseynonym, a couple of things mentioned in your post ring a bell for me too (my Dd has Asd).

Do you have a 1-year check up with the HV anytime soon? is she any good (mine was beyond useless) or do you have a good GP to talk to?

I would ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. you will probably have to be pretty firm to
be referred. Often GPs and HVs love the every child is different platitude, esp at such a young age.

best to make a list with all your concerns before you see the GP or HV. and go with your gut.

Thanks everyone. I forgot about the 1 year check up. There's a large age gap between my other daughters and my little one. My health visitor was really nice but she signed us off after our first month as we were all doing so well. I'm trying not to read too much into it but I'm pretty sure I had behavioural problems maybe linked to something else as a child and am still suffering now. My parents never pursued it because they thought I was just a naughty child.

That makes your case for referral and early intervention even stronger.

I just noticed 2 more things as well. She doesn't respond to her name. She used to say dee dee when wecalled her like she was trying to say her name. Also she will only wave or clap when someone else us doing it too she won't do it on her own. She mirrors a lot of things.

I did an mchat test with her symptoms and she scored 14 out of a possible 23. It flags anything above 7. I rang the HV team and explained the woman I spoke to said everything sounds normal for a child her age but they're sending someone round to do a developmental check. I disagree with her but I imagine they say that not to worry parents.

Good luck op, I hope you have nothing to worry about!

if you get nowhere with the HV, go via GP.
there might be good HVs around but often they are beyobd useless/clueless when it comes to developmental disorders.
My HV fobbed me still off when Dd was 36 months, no functional language, obsessive behaviours, not understanding language, no peer interaction etc where all declared 'within the range of normal' by my HV. in the end we got referred via GP.
but it does not surprise me that they fobb you off as your Dd is still very young.
go via GP, take your partner along (chances are they won't diagnose paranoid

paranoid mum syndrome).
and persevere and dont take no for an answer.
good luck.

Would ask GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician and do not take no for an answer. Some HVs can be really hopeless indeed when it comes to developmental disorders. Do not be fobbed off!.

Ditto others about going to see a GP.

Just to reinforce what others have said. My HV told me I worry too much when Dd3 was little.

I went to her about Dd3's eating issues, noise sensitvity and several other worrying things.

Dd3 has Asd !!!

I would recommend making some notes about the things you are worried about, you could use your original post as a starting point. Then make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Good luck

My middle son has dyspraxia and my baby displayed much the same as his brother and was seen by a neuro disability peadiatrition at 18 months. They can see young kids so do push. Make a note if everything for a diary. I filled in a multidisplinary form for the baby. On the day he saw the pead she witnessed everything I had mentioned and more.

Just do not get fobbed off. Keep going back. Once she is five and has 'grown up fine as all kids are different' you can relax. But until then I would trust yourself above all others

Hi pseunonym, don't be put off if the HV wants to 'watch and wait'. You can go to your GP and say that you've got a positive M-Chat and would like referral.

I had concerns about DD1 at 8 months, 12 months, and 15 months, was referred to physio to shut me up at 17 months, discharged at 20 months. DD1 walked at 23 months.

Big gap then, from 23 months to 2.9, when DD1's new preschool leaders swooped down on me and said 'can we have a word'.

2.9 - 1:1 support needed and given.

2.10 - falling over for no reason --> hospital.

Then, finally, people wanted to listen to me and find out her 'history'.

She's now an adorable 8 year old, doing well at special school.

I'm not saying by any means that your DD is like mine, but I am saying it's incredibly common for parents to be dismissed two or three times before someone will listen. A relative of mine was turned away from the GPs for almost a year with her DD who had pain of unknown cause. She had cancer (now in remission, gladly).

Play the long game now. Start writing down everything you think of. Keep it safe. One day, it will be useful.

Thanks to everyone who replied. I have 2 friends with children with ASD both very severe. They both agreed that a lot of characteristics my LO is showing are autistic like. My mum on the other hand when I spoke to her earlier said the same as the HV - that she's got normal behaviour. I've calmed down quite a bit now. Was almost hysterical with frustration earlier. I'm going to give the HV a chance but if she suggests watch and wait ill go straight to the GP. I'll comment on this post to let everyone know how we got on. Thanks again for your kind words. I've never used a site like this before but I feel confident I'll get sufficient information from kind people should I need help in the future. :)

Just to be positive admittedly she was older but my dd2 saw a speech therapist at a dropin at two and at 2yrs 10 months she had a diagnosis and help