the Future

[mytwopenceworth]

what does it hold? what will my boys be like? will they function 'normally' or will they need carers? will they behave strangely and will people look at them and think they are nutters? i cant protect them from that can i?

i worry about this stuff. i wish they stay little for ever so i can guard them and act as their 'buffer'. its a mean world out there.

i had a convo today with a mum who had older chidlen. we were talking about all the running around i do with DS and she said that she still ends up as a taxi for her teenagers. she said " ooh you'd think it wold finish once they were old enough to get teh bus wouldn't you"

i just thought..no, i doubt DS will ever be able to gte on a bus and certainlynot alone.
but obviuosly i just smiled.

i then started thinking that maybe i am so worried agbout what he may find difficult that i prevent him doing things or attempting to do thinsg he might be able to manage as i just assume he cant.
is that because i am protecting him? or becasue im worried that if he can do things himself he wont ned me anymore?

or am i just really tired and thinking too much?

im guessing its the latter.
night ladies.,

There was me worrying about ds being a beardy hippie unless I shave him but I will take that over periods any day!

I try not to think about the future too much. I've spent far too many years worrying myself sick about things that actually, when they happened, weren't nearly as bad as I'd feared. When I think about all the fun I missed out on as a teenager with my panic attacks and IBS it makes me determined not to go down that route again. Things are changing as ds gets older. Some things are getting a lot easier and others are getting harder but no doubt we will all adapt when the time comes. To be poncy and quote Max Ehrmann -

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

I reckon the second line is good advice.

a beardy hippie!!!