School DUTY of CARE????

[mrsforgetful]

DS1(AS) age 10- computer wizz that he is is always being asked to 'instal this or download that' in his luchtimes- this suits him as he would rather not be in the playground and i'd rather it not be when he is meant to be in lessons.....however i'd also like him to eat his lunch.

Today he was asked to install a programmes and plug in headsets into the back of 15 p.cs.
He loved doing it- though when i found a totally uneaten lunch i was very upset. I asked him why he had not gone to lunch- he said he did not hear the bell.

they have this system of 2 sittings for lunch and i will be writing ANOTHER letter requesting that he always go straight to lunch- so that after lunch he can do these jobs- i have mentioned b4 to them about him eating very little- maybe now i know why?

With aspergers is it usual to not feel hungary? as i cannot get my head round the fact that he was woken at 7am- he had a small cup of tea-no breakfast and then no lunch and then straight on his p.c at home till 5 when i served tea- i had not unpacked his schhol bag by then- so was yet to find his lunch.At home both ds1 and2 can go hours without food,drink or even the loo...whereas ds3 is eating/drinking constantly- if he smells me cooking he has to find out what it is.

Any suggestions on how to 'politely' sort this out- as he likes his teacher and i am already 'stirring' enough at school- ?????

I know that when ds1 is busy with one of his obsessions (especially the computer) he tends not to seem hungry. When he was a bit younger, maybe about 2yrs old, we used to joke that one of these days we'd find a little skeleton still sitting at the computer with the finger bones still tapping away on the keyboard! He just seems to block everything else out.

You're asking ME to help you make a decision??
I would say that you're doing the right thing by asking the school to let ds1 eat before doing extra little jobs. It can't help his concentration much to go all day without eating. You could just make it a nice short letter saying that part of Ds1's AS is that he often forgets to eat, and could the school help by allowing him to go to lunch first. You wouldn't even need to mention him doing the extra little computer jobs that he loves. It's a reasonable request under the circumstances.

I think just a note written to his teacher explaining that you are concerned he is forgetting to eat his lunch with nothing said about the pc work would be fine. Ask her/him is they can make sure ds goes to first lunch. That is not an unreasonable request.

thanks to you all- maryz- i had been thinking exactly that- ok...ds1 would not care about being on his own....and sure enough he would die for the chance to munch as he worked....however this is just not the point! at home i am accepting of the fact that it is my responsibility as his mum to make sure he eats etc Therefore i expect the same when he is at school- it was his class teacher who had him doing this job- and i will write the note to him requesting that can he make sure that ds1 is only 'allowed' to do these things once he has eaten- i will also request that it would be great if he could always go to lunch as soon as lunch starts- so that he never gets confused- on this occaision he said he diwn't hear the whistle that is blown to annouince 2nd sitting- indeed if he's in the ICT room there is no way he would evere hear the whistle at all- at least if he had his lunch- then went there the teacher would soon 'notice' him not being in class for the afternoon!

found out today that if he has a cooked school lunch then he will get 1st sitting everyday....so as he's having school lunches this week then i feel able to leave this one on the 'back burner' at the moment- too many other issues to deal with- but have been told by a lunch superviser that there would be no probs him doing it every day- however i am concerned that if he's not doing a job one day that he will be at a loose end when all his year are in lunch-- i don't want to complicate it by saying 1 day it's 1st and the other it's 2nd etc.....ds2 knows that EVER day he goes to lunch straight after numeracy.....which is probably why he freaked out when he had his lessons swapped.

So for now i will leave it.....parents evenings next week.....so will mention it then.

mrsf - how frustrating for you! I would be annoyed with the school really for not making him have lunch. I would speak to the teacher and just say he needs a verbal prompt to eat his lunch.

I think it is quite common for sn kids not to feel hungry. I know dd doesnt seem to ask for food (she asks for milk alot!) but given a dinner she will usually eat it all! I know my friends kids with differing problems have dinner time prompting etc to get food down iykwim

Hope this sorts out soon, you must be pulling your hair out

despite 1st sitting- he still 'forgot' to go- so i am definitely going to send a note (not a formal letter' - just requesting as you state - he needs a 'verbal prompt'- that sounds very 'official' !!!!

Both ds1 and 2 have said they want a new school- and TBH if i get a dx for ds2 by the end of july (Ha! Ha! pigs may fly...they'll make us wait at least a year!!!) then i'm tempted to move all 3- all that stops me now is that i am scared that i will be seen as a nuerotic mum....however with a dx- that would not be the case!

I have lost all my trust in this school- and the only 'saving grace' is that we live 7 mins walk away- and it is a safe route that ds1 and 2 manage occaisionally alone when i/or ds3 have been ill- so to change schools would mean a car journey.

Awful that i only send them there - because of the transport issue. Sometimes i feel anxious all day- worrying about them- THERE!