Bum! The YD school refused. Again.

[Donki]

I got him in to school only a little late - and school were lovely again.

But I had hoped that we had avoided this being added to his repertoire of responses to being stressed.

It makes going to work rather difficult!

But you got him there.

Yes, can quite see work issue.

But you got him there.

Yes, can quite see work issue.

Good questions Polter.
Both times have been when he was extra tired, and afraid he wouldn't cope at school with his teacher without having a meltdown. He is really afraid of what his peers (and especially his friends) might think.
DH is supposed to take the YD to school TWTh but DH gets very anxious if he thinks we are getting delayed for anything (and can be a bloody nightmare about it). So if The YD is being tardy, I always end up taking him. (Although I should really leave before them)
Work are being v. Tolerant but can't vary my hours... I have a form group to register. Every form has 2 staff - and my partner is covering. But as they all have SN we have 2 staff for a reason... we need the low ratio.

Hi Polter
The YD is nearly 11
He will use many delaying tactics - not getting up, slow to get dressed, (but has only got dressed in non-uniform once!) Finding lots of things that he "has to do" before he goes out. Point blank refusing to go out - and panicking himself into meltdown.
It is definitely worse because of time of year (disruption to routine)
It is worse when he is tired (so we try to get him to sleep on time)
It is worse when there is something extra to be anxious about (they were doing assessments all last week, and also having "growing up" talks. The YD is v anxious about puberty)
Always worst on Mondays (returning after weekend), Wednesdays (PPA day so an extra teacher with different expectations/body language to cope with) and Thursdays (tired after Scouts).

School have not been meeting his needs because they haven't recognised them, despite my best efforts. He doesn't meltdown at school (typical Aspie).

However they are now making more efforts to try and meet his needs - with a little success, but he is now so anxious/avoidant that it is going to be really difficult to turn it round.

The Donki's Husband is very stressed about work (and the YD's diagnosis/antics) - to the point (in my judgement) of moderate depression. So getting him to work on his skills is a problem. DH cannot disengage emotionally from the YD's behaviour.

I don't think that Scouts will last beyond the end of term. It's a shame as YD thrived at cubs (&beavers), but the less structured sessions and the later nights are not working. The YD isn't enjoying it - and it's meant to be fun!

I am trying to get him into a neighbouring pack with an earlier finish - and, vitally - much mire experience of SN.

I gave ssked DH to go to the GP if he is still depressed afrer Christmas. He is very reluctant...

We now have 2 of the Huebner books. And School are trying to think of carrots (The YD suggested Minecraft time! (what else?! It is all he thinks about but school are not going to install a computer game for him...)

School have already refused - although I could suggest it again.

I think Minecraft time would be great. DS is 6 so gets a minute of Lego (increasing to a max of 5mins). If your DS has Minecraft at home, he can access it on another computer.

Sorry to butt in on the thread. That Huebner worry book looks like just what we need.

School think they know what they are doing - because they have 1 other student diagnosed with ASD and have had advice on dealing with him from the specialist teacher...

Of course we all know that kids on the spectrum all have identical needs...

I would

But sadly I am not surprised. Most teachers get so little training in SEN - it is the system that is flawed.

It's the classic "not knowing what you don't know" problem.