So fed up and tired and lonely. :-(

[YourHandInMyHand]

DS has autism. He is not severe but he is tiring and full on (very vverbal and hyper and intense) and I'm a single parent. His dad has opted out of parenting and gone instead for the cliche of a macdonald's dad, taking him out for a happy meal now and then rather than having him overnight at all.

DS as usual wouldn't fall asleep tonight. I had to spend an hour simply on reassuring him that I would make his xmas blanket perfectly straight again first thing in the morning before he would get into bed, then do the usual bedtime faff where he stubbornly tries to stay awake.

My mum is very up and down and can't be relied upon, and tonight has text me that she is "exhausted" and can't have DS at all this weekend. Fair enough. I had been pleased she was in a positive frame of mind and I guess I'd got used to it but nope she's going back down hill again and will want practically parenting rather than being a parent I can rely on and who will have DS once in a blue moon.

I am just so so tired and fed up.

Fed up of doing everything on my own. Worrying about money, DS and school, my lack of career, my lack of personal/social life, having to make all the decisions, etc. I need to be in bed but after having a cry and getting all wound up I've come downstairs to have a hot chocolate.

Sorry for the epic post but really needed to get it off my chest and no RL people to talk to.

I used to get on well with his family but they have drifted away as time has passed, so much so that it would be weird to get in touch now - and they all agree ex is a bit of a div anyway! After being with him over 8 years and not managing to get him to change I can't see it happening now. Having DS means I still continue to be disappointed and frustrated by his behaviour though.

Funny you should mention running - I downloaded the couch to 5K app onto an MP3 player months ago but just haven't got motivated to start it. I do think it would do me good if I can get into it. Plus it's free and I can do it any time I'm on my own. Did you buy special running trainers? I own one pir of trainers and they were £6 from Asda. I never exercise!

Bochead that floradix - do you use that particular one? How long does it last?

Hi Your Hand - I have got a weighed blanket somewhere that I got for my DD when she was waking in the night a lot. She doesnt use it now so you could have it. It has a pink cover on it but I think you can take that off and put something else over it.

Sorry - dont know how to sort out personal email but if you can tell me I am happy to get your details and send it up to you.

Yup I linked to the one I use. I just have it on repeat amazon order every 2 months now as have moved house this year and didn't wanna forget it.

Yes, really you do need some proper running trainers otherwise you risk injury. The cheapest you can get are Hi-Tech Silver Shadows. They are old fashioned and until recently were considered naff and not cushioned enough. However they're having a bit of a comeback and are actually considered a very good running shoe and I think they cost about £25.

However for the more supportive ones with gel and cushioning then you're looking at £60+. It's worth going to a specialist running shop who will get you to run in various pairs and advise on your gait etc and then tell you what you need. The Silver Shadow is considered a 'neutral' shoe.

I have an old injury which means I have more cushioned trainers which cost about £100. What size are you? I'm about to get rid of a pair which would be fine for someone for a month or so to check whether you like running enough to invest in some. Would happily send them to you.

Appreciate you might not want to wear the shoes of a complete stranger on the internet or give out your address but I'm sure we could think of a way to get them to you if that would help.

mumsuz that is a really lovely offer . I asked on my local NAS group and a friend has offered us a loan of theirs but thank you so much for thinking of us.

bochead thanks I have ordered the floradix - will give anything a go!

bluebird Thanks for the advice. I think I will find a running shop and if there is one nearby I will see what sort of shoes they recommend. Running would fit in with my lifestyle - if I don't immediately go into shock and keel over that is!

I was so low when I started this thread and it has been so lovely to have so much advice and support. Big thanks to every single poster.

ypurhand I have also started running. I use the Get Running. I am not great , my friend ( fellow single mum) gave me an old pair of trainers as I had none! Been doing it three months and I love it . It keeps me sane (just).

My new trainers have arrived so I'll keep my old ones for a while in case you want them!

Both moondog and starlightmckenzie have met me in person and can hopefully vouch for the fact that I don't look like an axe murderer if you wanted to give out your postal address!

They're Asics Gel Flashfire in case you want to ask the running shop if they'd be suitable for you.

And they're a size 6.5.

Ooh I am a size 6 bluebird, do you think they'd be okay? I may take you up on your kind offer.

Am still very up and down with my emotions, walked the dog and had a good cry as we stomped around the field - I do think running would be good for my mental health TBH.

HandyWoman did you do much exercise before? I'm worried I won't be able to do it as am so lazy and sedentary!

I know the feeling all too well. This time last year, I had SEN tribunal pending, ds had a mental breakdown and was out of school and subject to a safety plan, most nights not sleeping until 6am, not eating etc and trying to harm himself. I had to instruct a solicitor, costing £15 grand. LA reported me to SS and they were not helping me, but hounding me and threatening me with CP. I was a single parent, with no family or friends living nearby. This right on top of Christmas. My mum was also diagnosed with cancer at the same time.

My survival guide would be

1. SLEEP, get sleep sorted its the first step. Once you are sleeping, everything is more manageable. Ds was prescribed Melatonin and its a life saver.

1. Look after yourself, you need to be well in order for everyone else to function.

1. Exercise if you possibly can, you cant beat the 'feel good' factor you get.

1. Have a pamper hour once a week, bubble bath, wash/dry hair, paint your nails and toe nails etc.

1. Have a food shopping day once a week, plan meals and eat healthy (with the once a week cream cake of course!).

1. Routine, not only for your child, but for yourself when things get tough.

1. Clean the house. I found it very therapeutic and calming, having a clean house.

1. No matter how skint you are, treat yourself to a pair of pj's (Primark about £5) and warm cosy socks (£1). Curl up on the settee, with blanket, hot chocolate, a book or a good film.

Obviously there were times, when I could barely drag myself out of bed or keep my eyes open to follow any of this. I walked around like a zombie, unwashed and unable to leave the house!

Well I'm normally a 6 but seem to take a 6.5 in this make of trainer!! So yes, definitely worth a go. You shouldn't use them for too long because they do need replacing, hence why I've replaced them!

Basically the sole isn't as cushioned anymore so to run on them for ages you'd risk an injury from pounding your feet into a pavement but they'd be fine for a couple of weeks or so (especially if you do some cross country as it's softer) to check you like running enough to invest in a new pair.

Let me know!

HandyWoman did you do much exercise before? I'm worried I won't be able to do it as am so lazy and sedentary!

Nope. Dog walking every day but running, no siree bob not never. I started off running for 60 seconds and walking for 90seconds x 8 and at first running for 60 seconds was a struggle. After three months, one ankle sprain (not related to running) and a bad spell of asthma (also not related to running) am now able to run for 20 minutes solid!!!!! I love it there is no stress release to compare!!!!

YourHand, I'm in South Yorkshire if that's close enough to consider meeting up with a weirdo from the internet :-) I have an 8 year old dd who has autism and is visually impaired. (As am I) We operate as a unit of 2 since Dh had a midlife crisis, he's still with us, but doing his own thing to his own schedule (including working nights and weekends) so I may as we'll be a single parent. Dd and Dh don't really get along so she's attached to me like a limpet most of the time. Luckily she is mostly ok about sleeping. I don't know how I'd manage if she wasn't as I'm still holding down a full time job at the moment and am in chronic pain. I have it nowhere near as tough as you do, I realise this, but I think I understand a little of what you're going through.