Ds2 is 8. Two years ago (May/June 2011), he was put on a paediatric asthma drug (singulair), which he reacted very badly to. He became very violent and aggressive, and at home had almost constant autistic type escalations and meltdowns.
We took him off the drug in January 2012. There was a bit of improvement, but he still has violent, aggressive moods most nights and some mornings at home. Weekends are generally hellish.
At school he behaves. I've asked him why he's calm at school but not at home, he didn't understand, but says the crossness builds up during the day, but he can't show it at school because there are teachers there. Home is home, so he can let it out there.
When he is angry, it ranges from us being able to manage his behaviour by keeping him busy and the other dc out of the way, to him shouting out, swearing, spitting, kicking, punching etc, threatening us with awful violent deaths, shouting that he's going to kill himself. Often when it gets to this stage, he ends up in a dark corner sobbing and needing reassurance and cuddles.
When he's out and about, he can struggle when there are lots of people, so shopping, visitor attractions, and will appear to be uncomfortable, jerky, eyes darting about. He will sometimes try to overcome this by shouting out rude, inappropriate things, and behaving badly. For this reason, we tend to avoid busy places.
If he's in a 1 to 1 situation, say at the drs, he will be hyper, very awkward, sometimes becomes something else (often a T-Rex). He will be polite, but quirky. If we are somewhere like that with all dc, he will say inappropriate things and appear to show off to his Db and dsis.
He is being assessed at school, but I have been fairly useless and don't actually know what for and what outcome to expect or anything.
As his behaviour at school is good, we have been asked to write down any incidents for 8 weeks (to cover Christmas holidays).
Last night, ds came home very quiet and withdrawn, looking angry but also confused and sad. He kept being rude to me.
He told me at bedtime that the teacher told him off for an incident we had with him over the weekend (it was explosive, but with the benefit of hindsight, dh and I feel we understand why) which we had already dealt with, and also told him that we were writing notes to school about his behaviour.
I was happy for his teachers to read the notes, as it would give them an understanding of what we are dealing with, but also, due to the very specific cause of his difficulties, we are finding that no-one believes us, or dismisses us as crap parents.
I am in contact with other parents of dc who had the same reactions to the same drug - their behaviour and things these children do and say are uncannily similar.
Ds2 has an appointment with CAMHS in January - we already have contact with them for ds1 (was badly bullied and ended up anxious and depressed). They feel that he is too young for CBT, but we as a family might benefit from family therapy, to help us manage things better. They also feel that there may be other contributing factors as we have had a shocking few years (close family bereavement, ds2's dramatic reaction to singulair, new baby (although a good thing, still unsettling maybe), ds1 having to be taken out of school, dh having a stroke at the beginning of this year)
I'm seeing ds2's GP next week to ask for a referral to a paediatrician.
Beyond this, I'm lost. We scrape through life, but it is so stressful and difficult sometimes. No-one believes us. Even with the diaries we have written, complete with insights from ds2 himself (how he feels when he's angry, and afterwards), yet people still think he's a naughty boy who is in complete control of his outbursts.
What do we need to do?
(Thank you to anyone who manages to get through this epic post!)