Decision time

[Lesley25]

I could write a huge thread about this but i'm going to keep it short and simple and just need to make sure i haven't missed anything.

In summary, my ds's mainstream school has expressed their concerns about my ds and cannot provide a workstation/room for 1:1. The school have started to develop a reputation for not being as "inclusive: as they should be.

There are three options for my ds (Has asd currently has full 1:1 support started ms reception sept 2013)

Option 1. Stay at the ms he is in, even though head teacher is not keen 1:1 TA seems to "always" be doing other things rather then 1:1 and isnt receiving support from school re training. She often says to me "I can keep him safe, but i feel like i should be doing more for him". OT has been refused access to train TA by the ht. I suspect an effort to force my hand and take my ds out.
Pros- DS even though largely non verbal seems to like going, but he is such a placid boy i'm worried he is just being "compliant".

Option 2: A lovely MS very small village school. Experience of children on the spectrum and deemed "very inclusive". Small class sizes of 12.

Option 3 - Great ss. But we would lose a 1:1 TA . Its 1:3 and ep and speech therapist both say 1:1 is imperative.
I believe this to be true too.

I'm keen on option 2, i've visited both option 2 and 3 twice now and i have a meeting booked with my ds 's current ms to discuss next week.
Have i missed anything?

Hi my dd2 moved from mainstream pre school to ss in September the month she turned 4

Dd started SS at 4

Fanjo ours started at similar ages then

Year 3/KS2 it all started going very very wrong. Year 4 out of school totally and home ed'ed. Year 5 in indie ss. This ss goes all the way through to age 19 and my current plan is to keep him there until then.

Ages 2.6 to 4.9 in Mainstream Preschool. Flagged for 'concerns' at 2.9. Observed 2.9. 1:1 started 2.9. Flagged to medics 2.10. Dx GDD 3.0. Dx Brain abnormality 3.4; Finalised statement 4.1.

Moved to year R at special school 4.9; now 8.0.

Right then, my ds has just turned 5 - 1s year in reception mainstream. You all did move to ss around this age, except TOWIELA. I've heard also that KS1 -KS is where the highest intake into ss currently is.

I'm really interested in the ss devising a curriculum for my ds. You see, essentially i will be doing that in ms (and paying my SALT and OT to come into school) so i'm starting to question what exactly i hope my ds "gets" out of a ms environment - since his day to day teaching and curriculum will be individual anyway.
Coupled with the fact the ss is oversubscribed from y1 onwards.

I need to take my brain out and give it a good wash!

Ds was in ms with full time 1-1 until he was in year 2. He coped but became very prompt reliant on his 1-1 and lost a lot of independence .
Year 3 we tried a resource without 1-1 and it was a disaster he was very anxious and impulsive . Year 4 we started him at an asd ss and I was very worried about the lack of 1-1 but the class only has 6 kids, 1 teacher and 2 support staff.
But it's a safe environment so he can be more independant that he's ever been allowed to be .
He can run errands to the office( to practice his communication).
He can have sensory breaks away from any social demands because he can't escape the playground and is on CCTV, and if he has a violent meltdown walkie talkies get extra staff within seconds.
He loves it.thry go to cafés , museums, library's ( go out places at least a couple of times a week) because there is only six kids and always at least 6 adult hands available 6 and a half hours a day.
In mainstream he was lucky if they went on trips once a year.
Until he went to ss he had very little speech but his behaviour showed he wasn't happy, now he waits at the window for his taxi on a morning and loves school.
I really should have moved him earlier as at last he's getting an education not just being babysat.

strong you see my ds is on one words and copies the word when you say it - he's desperate to use the words he knows, like for example boat - he loves the ipad and there is boat on one of his favourite cartoons so he will bring it to me pleased as punch and look at me and say "boat!".
His language could really come on and i'm worried it will stop with this whole move potentially into another ms (my option 2).

I guess i'm just doubting my choice because today i was told that the current ms my ds is in cannot have him in the nativity- his vocalisations are too much of a distraction! They couldn't even try and make it work for him...I don't want that for him ever ever again.

In fairness DS probably should have been in dyslexia ss from year 1. But indie mainstream Ofsted outschool kept saying "don't worry, don't worry, we can handle it". But they couldn't and we lurched from term to term until crisis point at Christmas of year 3 when it was glaring obvious to everyone (well, only me!) that they were totally out of their depth.

Ds only used one word or echoed back what was said to him until we moved him to ss, his 1-1 at ms was fab but she often spoke for him .
In ss he has so much SALT he now uses 3 word sentences as they have the knowledge and time to really listen to his attempts at speech and it's fantastic.
He still uses pecs when he's a little anxious but most of the time he can manage to get his point across verbally.
Until this year the only way I knew what he had done all day at school was to read his communication book but now he can't wait to tell me I glued or I ride green bike .
He also signs now as he talks (I can't. But he had a lovely signing conversation with a lady at the supermarket yesterday )
.communication is defiantly at the forefront of everything they do at school and everything else just seems to fall into place.

Leslyey25, the pattern for disembarkment to special school tends to go like this:

YR R - Influx from children known to services from a young age, where complex needs have been sufficiently apparent to warrant diagnosis and assessment.

YR 1 - Some influx from children who have tried MS but it hasn't worked (for e.g. a child who went to MS with 1:1 but then the child still didn't cope with the day, etc.)

YR 2 - not a usual transfer point, but some do.

YR 3 - Influx from children whose needs were not deemed sufficient to need SS at YR R/parents wanted to try MS, but the gap has widened to the point that they are left behind both socially and academically.

YR 4-6 - Transfers are normally relocations rather than MS/SS switch.

Special schools are filling up. DD1's school has had an 'open morning' this month for parents who are considering naming the school on a Statement. The ratio of interest to places is 3:1

You know, if he was at Special school, he'd have so many opportunities to practice 'boat'. I'm not being flippant, but a special school has the time and the facilities to harness his language and capture his attention.

DD1 has been learning about dinosaurs at school. She's been learning that some dinosaurs ate meat and some didn't. Yesterday, she came in from play time to see that the dinosaurs had torn all their work off the wall!!!

She was so animated, and when her HT and I were talking today (I'm a Governor at the school) she was recounting the children's experience and saying 'the language that came out of that was phenomenal.

All the teacher had done, was to take down some old work from the walls, spread it out and then attach the dinosaurs to the wall.

The first thing that DD1 said to me when she came home was 'some dinosaurs were so naughty at school today....'

Sorry, I never got to my point . The reason they're doing dinosaurs is because all the children in her class are really 'into' dinosaurs right now. So they've adapted the curriculum to dinosaurs.

I think dd2s school already has a waiting list a mile long it's why I'm so so grateful she got on of only two nursery places

Gah...it's so personal!

DD1 was much more verbal than your DS at that age, Lesley. She was speaking in (unclear but intelligible) sentences of at least 3-4 words. She would have been massively left behind in MS though, and for me, I couldn't see a way forward where she wouldn't be the 'problem child'.

I can't imagine how hurtful it would be to be told my DD couldn't take part in the Christmas nativity . At her school, they change the nativity to suit the children each year. The first year it was a whole school play (the Spaceman came traveling) then the next year, it was 'the snowman'. Then they decided that the children we had couldn't cope with a play like the year before, and they made it a sensory experience, which allowed every child to participate, but each child only had to be in the hall for a few minutes at a time. It was magical . This year they've split it into KS1 and KS2 because it was too much to do it all together. Even children with the most severely challenging behaviour are included - they just make sure their part is something they can cope with and then they allow them to leave the hall when they've done their bit.

My son was 6 when he moved. I wish to God he had started when he was 4. He never went on a trip. He never took part in a play. In the first year I think this was the right decision, by the second year I was so worn down by their hints, I was requesting authorisation for him to be absent for anything he might find difficult they might find inconvenient It is sooo different for him in ss. And he has progressed, particularly his language. He always was progressing, just not in the same way as the other children and much was made of his 'lack of progress' because they wanted rid of him but for me, progress is a personal thing and I have long stopped comparing him to his peers. When I read and listen to the crap that people are going through with kids in ms, I just feel very relieved that we no longer are. I sound bitter but I'm not really, I just have regrets about what we had to go through.

Ps wanted to add, I can definitely see that some of his peers are more severely affected but still he has progressed, not regressed. I think it has taken a bit of getting used to in that respect, the behaviour of the kids around him is more unpredictable but he has adjusted.

We made our decision. After speaking to lots of sen mums in the ms option (2nd choice) and the ss option, we've decided to go with the ss option - 3rd option.

We've also just been told that we will get into the ss...The problem is we wont get a place till sept 2014 and the relationship at the current ms is now irretrievably broken down.

The TA is doing hardly any 1:1 focused work, she's too busy with the "nativity" production so all i hear is "hes fine". Hes unhappy going in, and i just cannot leave him in there for any longer then i have too. Once we break for xmas - that would be a natural point to also remove him from the current ms.

But, there is , well, a silver lining...sort of...

My second option (lovely village ms option) will take my ds from jan once they've hired a TA (could be mid jan) so we will bag that place for him. I suppose this gives us time to see how he fares in a different ms but ideally i would've liked him to go to ss staright away as its not the best in terms of transition and the emotional turmoil he and us will have to face come jan and then sept.
But its a solution.
And i'll take that.

Thank you all for helping me decide. I've kept this all on one thread so anyone else going through this can see how i decided with all the useful sen mums posts who i respect and admire.

Lesley so glad you've made a decision I know it's hard fwiw it sounds like the right one all the besy

Lesley, I'm sorry that the relationship with school has broken down so badly. That's a horrible way to leave a school.

Can I just check that you have written confirmation of his place for September 2014? I would hate for you to have come to a decision and then have a verbal offer withdrawn because he's 'coping' in MS, only to have this all start again in a year's time.

Lougle- Thanks, good point. I should get that in writing.

lougle do you think they can take the offer of ss place in sep 2014 away? I have to move my ds out of his shite anti inclusive ofsted outstanding school as he is miserable and just being baby sat with a TA too busy helping other children but can the new ms school (option 2) now refuse to take him if they know he has a place at ss allocated for sept 2014?

They have told me they will recruit a TA specifically for him and its on a contract basis so very clear that if the child moves to ss, the contract ends. That i know.

autumnsmum thank you

Hi everyone, going to ask a related question as possibly looking at ss for ds and no idea where to start,. Ds 6 dx AS &ADHD. Academically very capable .

We wanted in theory for ds to remain is ms if possible for social development and academic oportunity, but if ss is a better environment to learn then that has to be better I the long run...will they be able to stretch him academically?

Tbh my dd is at ss and I don't want an overly academic setting for her if she could keep up with her peers she would be at mainstream I'm not sure ss is the place if you want academics