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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Advice please

19 replies

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 12:19

I'm really worried about my almost 7yo ds. When something happens for example someone accidentally steps on his foot he reacts very over the top. He will cry and take himself off to a corner and lash out if anyone comes near him before he calms down. This also happens when he has to do something he doesn't want to like change subjects/end of playtime. He thinks everyone is doing it on purpose and can't see other people's point of view at all.
However what is concerning me most is his violent outbursts. Example,he tried to hit another boy with his plastic toy,the boy moved and the toy broke. My ds saw this as being the other boys fault to flew into and growling screaming rage and the only way I can stop him from hurting the other child is to physically restrain him until the anger has passed during which he is hitting and kicking me:(. No talking to him will calm him down. This has happened many times and I'm worried he will hurt someone. It only happens at school or when we go out. Spoke to him about the incident above and he cannot see why he was wrong dispute me explaining.
School say he is socially immature and to talk to him about others feelings. I have been doing this for years but when he is in a rage he forgets everything. He also hates loud noise/supermarkets and needs warnings before a change in routine. I don't know what to do anymore as he is getting to big for me to restrain and school don't seem concerned dispite regularly telling me he has hurt people. The other children have also started teasing him when he is crying and saying things to get a reaction from him. Oh sorry he is also only interested in minecraft and Skylanders. Nothing else. Used to be Thomas the tank engine. Sorry this is long but I'm not an assertive person and I don't know what to do or if I'm over reacting.

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 12:24

Sorry he is also very literal when you speak to him. Examples are I said to him what do you think your guinea pigs are saying to eac other and he said i don't speak guinea pig with a dead straight face. Also he said something about minecraft so I said now there's a suprise and he said it was a suprise until I told you.

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PolterGoose · 02/12/2013 14:38

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 16:58

Thank you so much for your reply goose. I think I want him assessed but I'm just so rubbish at explaining things face to face I just end up nodding and agreeing when I want to say no! I think something is wrong here. School have new teachers and a new head coming in so I don't feel they know ds well enough to have an opinion. They don't seem to think there's a problem:/what do they do to assess them? I'm clueless

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PolterGoose · 02/12/2013 17:21

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 18:18

Thank you for the advice. I will definetly make a list and do some research. I can't understand the school at all as I've seen him having melt downs through the class window before home time. The only thing they have done is give him 10 min warnings when playtime etc is about to end. This does help but not with the violent rages. They suggested the other boy should say no! Stop that! But sorry to swear,my son would have been further enraged and beat the crap out of the poor boy! Judging by the legs it would have been very serious. He doesn't hear anything when he is like that. The only thing they suggest to me is to talk about how he feels when it happens and how we could prevent it but all he says is i was mad. He is so unpredictable I just have to drop everything and hold him. He has been this way since he was about 3 but its becoming more obvious because none of the other children behave like that and they've grown out of tantrums. He has one friend (the one he tried to hit:( )

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PolterGoose · 02/12/2013 18:35

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Jacksterbear · 02/12/2013 18:37

Return, my ds is also nearly 7, has dxes of sensory processing disorder and anxiety, and displays a lot of the behaviours and reactions you describe. Your ds' school sound v unhelpful. Who have you spoken to at the school? Senco or class teacher? Can you ask for a meeting with the senco to express (again) your concern and ask what school are doing to ensure the safety of your ds and everyone around him, as well as supporting him more generally? Horrible as it is when your DC lashes out at school, the one thing I found was that it really got my ds' school to take his difficulties very seriously and put extra support in place.

Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 18:54

Class teacher(over and over) I always feel I'm making a big deal out of it but really no one is making a big enough deal! I mean this time it was a plastic bow and arrow but he has hit with a water bottle as well as general hitting. Should I ring the school nurse? Not sure who senco is. Will they observe him? At school/home? Just got to put youngest to bed(have 3 dc) thank you again for validating I'm not crazy to think he needs some extra help! Back soon!

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PolterGoose · 02/12/2013 19:05

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 19:25

There seems to be quite a bit of poor behaviour at school but ds is clearly distressed. They seem to think he will grow out of it as he improves for a few days then goes down hill again:(I went to gp a while ago who said he would refer to cahms but was reluctant to do so and wanted to give it a few months. This was after ds threw a chair because he didnt want to move on to next lesson. I think I need to toughen up and get more assertive. Right so would it be better to go back to gp or ask school who is senco? It is a VERY small village school so could senco be one of the teachers? I hope not. I think because its so small they just say leave ds alone,stay away until he calms down to the other children but if there is an issue that tactic isn't going to work when he goes to much bigger middle school.

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Jacksterbear · 02/12/2013 20:09

You need to go to both. Senco to get him some support in school (don't be fobbed off by "it's your job as parents to sort him out" or "we can't do anything without a diagnosis"). GP to get assessment going. I recommend going without your ds but with your list of concerns, as Polter suggested.

Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 20:52

Yes I think that's where I went wrong with gp last time,he spoke to ds and then said he seems fine to me! Well yes at that moment he was fine! I'm actually getting quite mad now. Think I've been fobbed off to long.

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Jacksterbear · 02/12/2013 21:12

Yes I had the same comment from the GP (he asked me to take ds to see him after I'd been alone without him)! Which is why diaries, notes of behaviour, video clips etc are so important. If you can get the school to write a letter to GP setting out behaviour they have observed (may be easier said than done if they are claiming there isn't a problem), so much the better.

I also made a point of beginning with "ds can be [insert list of strengths] when he feels secure and in control, however..."

Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 21:23

Oh my goodness I just looked up PDA and that sounds so much like my ds! Thank you so much for the advice,I will get the ball rolling. I have started writing incidents down. He had karate tonight( 3rd week in) and again spent 45mins shaking his head from side to side and flapping his arms. Calmed down for last 15 mins.

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 21:32

Thank you jack it's nice to know I'm not the only with with a gp like that! Sorry you had to go through it to though. I will start gathering information and evidence and hopefully I will get somewhere

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PolterGoose · 02/12/2013 21:52

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 21:58

Thank you so much for the advice and support. I will post when I get an appointment.(thanks)

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Original poster

Returnoftheshit · 02/12/2013 21:59

That was supposed to be flowers! Long time lurker,fairly new poster!

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Jacksterbear · 02/12/2013 22:21

The support on here is amazing, Return. I was where you are less than a year ago, and in no small part thanks to the wise and helpful posters on here, ds now has a diagnosis, and support and interventions in place. He's still struggling but things are on the up.

Hope to see you around on here!

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