In need of a bit of support I think

[Boobybeau]

Hi everyone, I've been a bit emotional all week but it seems to have peeked today. My ds has SN (too many to go into) and is at a lovely SN school that we were very excited about and have been pleased with but for a while now I have been thinking that ds isn't even ready for this school and maybe we need to look at other oprions for him. I brought my concerns up with his teacher today and she (very tactfully) agreed that perhaps we should have a look at another school that deals with more severe disabilities (a step down basically) I dont know why this has upset me so much as he is still the same amazing little boy who I love with all my heart and I just want the best for him but now the teacher has agreed with me I can't stop crying.
I brought this idea up with DH a few weeks ago and he got very defensive about the suggestion and shut the conversation down straight away so I'm also nervous about bringing the subject up again with him as i know it will be upsetting for him. He's a very demonstrative person who is usually ok with talking about his feeling so I know that when he clams up, it's pretty bad. He's only just accepted ds going to the current school.

I also don't really feel I have anyone to talk to as none of my friends understand in the slightest what we've been/going through and my mum ALWAYS manages to say the wrong thing bless her, even though she's trying to be kind and I don't feel strong enough for a conversation with her right now,
Thank you if you've just read all that and any kind words of wisdom would be lovly right now (nothing soppy though as I need to pull my self together at some point and stop crying!)

You are right; he is still your amazing little boy!

Do you think he needs a different school? Do you think the new school would be better for his needs?

As parents, all we can do is the best we can for our children. If you think another option will meet his needs better, then that's what you will do. And it will be just fine. He will be fine, and you will be fine.

In the right environment, he'll thrive. It's just the journey to find it that's long and tiring. You'll get there. x

Thank you. Yes, I think he does need the extra support the other school can offer but it is basically writing off any educational future for him sending him there. I meet lots of well rounded, socially integrated adults from his current SN school but the one that I now think is more appropriate is basically just specialist child care where any development is a bonus. This is why my DH is resisting this school I think. We both want what's best for ds but after our last conversation about it I just don't know how to tell DH about the conversation with ds teacher if you know what I mean.

It doesn't have to be permanent. Can he go to the new school with the intention of them hopefully preparing him to return to his current school, or one like it? Does it have to be all or nothing?

I'm sure he could do that, the schools work very closely (for this reason probably) but as ds gets older he's seems to be getting more disabled. He isn't deteriorating, he just doesn't seem to be improving. So I guess I'm worried that he will always have a mental age of 2 so moving back to this school will never be an option. Everyone we spoke to who's had experience of his current school said their child came on leaps and bounds once they started but this hasn't happens with my ds and after spending more time at his school and seeing the children there I can see he is on a totally different level to them. Sorry if I'm sounding pessimistic, I'm not usually a down in the dumbs person but this is just another thing we have to come to terms with. Im waiting for the day that we can actually celebrate a 'good' milestone instead of having to come to terms with another heartbreaking realisation or diagnosis.

I can understand your hesitation when it comes to wanting to send your DS to the other school. Are there any other schools for children with more severe needs that you can visit for comparison? In neighbouring LAs or independent provision included. Some SSs do have horrifically low expectations of the children in their care, whilst others are far more pro-active and, rather than passively babysit, take steps to ensure that small development has the best chance of happening.

Are you able to share your DS's most pressing disabilities/needs? It may help people who have specific experience to give you some pointers.

DS2 is 7 and I still live in hope that he'll prove to be a late developer. It's bloody tough, sometimes :(

Sorry, I am still here but after school pick up its a bit manic here. I'll be back properly at bed time if that's ok as its really helping 'talking' to you.

Hi booby, I think it can be a terrific shock to the system to be faced with the hard realities of your child's disabilities, and to see them not making progress like their peers. Its almost like being faced with the diagnosis all over again. It sucks, frankly.

What i would say is this. Is the other special school absolutely your only option? Are there any other schools in your LA or nearby that also cater for his level of need and might provide a more stimulating environment? ouryve made the point that all special schools differ and have very different expectations of the children.

Would you perhaps feel better about things if you found a SS that catered for his level of need but did much more to encourage development?

PS. sorry if this is the last thing you want to hear, but even if he remains at an under-5 level of development in many ways, he is still your fabulous amazing little boy.

Sorry, we had some friends pop iver after tea so i got distracted. Thank you everyone, I was really worried that because I don't come on here that much no one would respond to me. I'm feeling much more rational about it all. I gently brought It up with DH over dinner in a rather nonchalant way and it went much better then I though so that's a weight off.

My ds is 4yrs old, he has so many things going on bless him that I couldn't possibly list them all but his main issues are he has no speech at all, limited/delayed understanding, ASD, communication is limited, reduced mobility (has a wheelchair for long distances) SPD and a tone of medical problems from birth. He also has an extremely stubborn nature so sometimes it can be hard to be on the same planet as him. He is amazing though, he's such a happy, cheerful little boy and I have such a special relationship with him I really feel blessed when he saves his smiles and hugs for me he just has his own little way of doing things, he really is one of a kind.

It sounds as though the most pressing educational need is to give him a formal communication method of some sort (receptive and expressive). It doesn't really matter 'how' he communicates, but it does matter that he 'can'.

Before that stage it will be difficult to work out what he 'really' might be capable of. Does the current school have really good SLT support? Effectively using PECS and augmented communication/ AAC is tricky for non-experts.

His school have a permanent onsite SALT and is totally up to date with pecs, makaton etc. we've done makaton with him from day dot and he's used pecs for about the last two years but it's totally sporadic in that he will only use this tools on his own terms. One day he can communicate really effectively and other days he will totally ignor everyone and any communication is non existent. His school didn't realise he could sign until is annual review when we informed them he uses about 50signs intermittently! like you said, until we establish communication its very difficult to pitch his level but it's not for want of trying!