social services question

[elliejjtiny]

I have dyspraxia, DH has AS. We have 4 dc aged 7, 5, nearly 3 and 6 months. The 5 year old has EDS and maybe sensory issues. The baby has a cleft lip and palate and maybe sight problems and learning difficulties. The other 2 have mild hypermobility.

Just got a letter out of the blue from social services from childrens social care (is this child protection?) saying that that they want to come to our house on Thursday after school with a social worker from the disabilities team to discuss whether there is any assistance children's social care can offer our family. No mention of a referral or concerns but I'm bricking it.

I don't want support from them, last time I had support from the disability team they were worse than useless and we got rid of them just before I got pregnant with DS3. Really scared that they'll just see 2 parents with disabilities and 4 children, 2 with disabilities and think we are incapable.

Can't think where this has come from. Most of the professionals involved with the children tell you if they are going to refer to social services because of concerns. We've had a couple of referrals to social services before once because DS3 had bruises (he is a 2 year old with hypermobility, of course he has bruises) and once because of a malicious call that we think was from DH's old work. Both times we just got a phone call, no home visit.

There is a number you can ring if the appointment isn't convenient. Not sure whether to ring them and ask for more details or not. I've got 2 of my children having operations next month, plus all the usual school fetes, nativity plays that come around at this time of year. I could really do without this.

I'm racking my brain trying to think of what I have done to cause this. The older 2 are always at school on time, relatively clean, although I've had to bring in DS2's jumper/coat in when he forgets it (DH gets them organised and to school in the morning at the moment because I do night feeds). The living room is fairly tidy when proffessionals come shame about the rest of the house. DS2 has had conjunctivitis for a while but he's seen the pharmacist and the GP about it and is on his 2nd lot of antibiotics so it's not like I've left it. The older 2 get nits a lot but I do the combing regularly and tell the secretary every time they have it. I don't listen to them read every day but I wouldn't be referred to ss for that?

I'm not sure what to do. I'm also confused that I've been offered "support" that I haven't asked for and don't want when other people have to beg for it.

Sounds like 'something' triggered their system, and they won't want to do phone call only yet again, simply cos this is the third time your name has come up.

A visit from a SW on the children with disabilities team is the lowest rung on the ladder, really. You could tell them not to come but if you have nothing interesting to show them, its probably better just to let the SW come. Having 4 kids, disabled adults, disabled dc, overloaded life etc is enough reason for assessment.

Respite care, free bus pass, council tax discount, letter for rehousing, playscheme funding, 2yo nursery place, Homestart volunteer, equipment/ adaptations: all sorts of things can be organised. So if you don't want much further input, make a list of all the things they could help you with only half joking

Thanks. I've got nothing to hide although I'm sure they will be able to find something to disapprove of if they look hard enough. I think it's the fact that so many posters on here say that social services won't help them that I think I must have done something terrible to have them want to come without me even asking. Can't think of anything they could help with apart from maybe an industrial sized wheelie bin. Bin day isn't until next week and my wheelie bin is already full of nappies. I wouldn't mind a sensory room being built at our local children's centre so I don't have to get 2 buses to the opportunity group if they've got a magic wand handy.

If anyone comes round my house they can find plenty to roll their eyes over.

More than two kids and a tidy house means your to focused on the house work and not the kids ( she says living in a tip)

Don't feel guilty about living in a family house - kids and life makes mess. Well mine do. I look like we've been burgled most days

It doesn't sound like you've triggered CP to me. It sounds like they've become aware of your family and feel that you may be able to access support through them.

I think they have to come. They have a duty to assess children "in need" which includes children with disabilities. Don't view it as a threat, have a think about what they could help you with.

Thanks everyone. I honestly can't think of anything they could help with. 2yo funding for DS3 would be pointless as there isn't a preschool near us. DS2 is barely coping with school and I think respite would tip him over the edge. I'm not comfortable with leaving DS4 with my mum who is a retired nurse yet because of his extra needs so there is no way I'd accept respite for him. We don't need any equipment, no homestart in our area.

Good to know a messy house is ok with 4 kids. I'm hoping they don't want to look round the house. We have a massive dvd collection because pre-dc we used to go to the cinema a lot (back in the day when you could get a cinema ticket for £3 and £2 of sweets and drinks from woolworths). These days our Friday night treat is a dvd from the bargain bin and microwave popcorn. We've accumulated a lot of DVD's over the last 7 years. Don't get me started on our spare room. We use it as a loft because our actual loft is a bit of a death trap and it looks like most people's lofts, full of crap. The only other thing that I could be judged on is the cot is full of outgrown clothes that I haven't sorted into boxes yet but I can do that before they come. As long as DS3 doesn't cause too much chaos between now and then we should be ok.

I'm glad it's normal for this to happen, I'll be glad when it's all over though.

I know someone who uses their respite direct payments (legitimately) to pay for a cleaner. So when her dc is asleep, she can actually rest, rather than then having to do all the housework.

And social services are delighted too, cos the cost of someone coming in to clean for one morning a week is way cheaper than paying for proper respite, plus if she brings her own dangerous products etc, they can avoid a time-consuming child protection case re having bleach/ toilet cleaner / oven spray / drain unblocker in the house.