What's happened to my Ds

[Skylar123]

In need of some wise words please.
Ds has private dx of HFA. Awaiting CDAC early next year for NHS DX.
Something has gone terribly wrong for Ds at school. Although he has never liked being at school and each and every morning his first question is 'is it school' recently he has been a lot lot harder to get in. He has been having terrible meltdowns, saying school is too hard, school makes him angry, he can't do it, can he just not go, can I please help him . These comments in themselves tell me a lot but if anyone has any advice for me I would be greatf. It has got to the point where Ds has had to be met by senco and school gate and had to be carried in. It's heartbreaking but I don't know what else to do, he has to go to school doesn't he. Tbh school have never seen Ds like this so the fact that they now have seems to have really helped my plea for their help. They have also suggested I get him referred to look at possible dyspraxia and he is having some assessments to check whether there may be a learning disability. I'm scared and I don't know how to help him. What should I be doing ?

I know lots of DCs with ASD find the run-up to Christmas really difficult at school because of changes to routine etc, my DS definitely struggles with it. Could it be that? Will he talk at all about what's bothering him specifically?

I would call a meeting with class teacher and SENCO. The fact that he is as yet undiagnosed by NHS does not mean everyone should sit back and watch the wheels come off. Did the private report provide information about your ds's particular profile? Have school used this info? Any changes needed to the support he is getting? Your poor ds and you

Well he says he doesn't like learning it's too hard. He really struggles with his writing. Yes the private report was very good. Shows difficulties with social interaction, emotional understanding, nuances and inter linking to name a few things. Struggling within verbal domain. Less than 2 years below his peers though.
Senco has been really good. Ds now uses computer to do big writing tasks as he really finds writing difficult but he is a good reader. Senco has given me a bad day, good day diary to try and help work out what the problem is. Ds just says he hates it all so it's hard to know what the specific issues are. School have followed report recommendations and he has IEP, group social stories and a TA that looks out for him. He is also being referred to ASD Salt. He now starts sch later at 9:30 which is a total mare for my job but Ds comes
First. I just wish I could help more. He is actually really intelligent but then at times behaves and speaks like a baby. On the other hand he says very long complicated words but then struggles with the basics.

Sounds like there is good support in place. Is it a case of your ds developing self awareness and realising he is finding things harder than many of the others?

Yes I think so. Perhaps now things are harder in juniors he is becoming more aware. School did not help at all in previous year but slowly started to pick up through me pushing them all the time however since the school refusal and Ds hitting out at senco trying to get out of going In to school senco is being very helpful. She even said she had no idea it was so bad. It is a shame it takes my Ds to have to have a meltdown at school for them to really take note I have been trying to tell them for nearly a year.

Skylar I totally feel your pain.

Is he in Y3 or Y4? This is the time when children typically develop more self awareness. Self esteem becomes potentially more fragile.

How about contacting ASD SALT direct about helping him put his differences in perspective? Is he aware of his dx? If not you could talk to him in general terms about everyone being good at some things / finding other things hard?

Thank you handywoman. He is in year 3.
Can I contact asd slt myself, do you mean private ? I would do that.
He is not aware of his dx. I do try to talk to him, I really encourage the things he is good at. He just thinks he is rubbish at everything. I've noticed more and more comments about how so and so can do this or that and he can't.
I was laying next to him in bed a little while ago and he asked me a question to which the answer was yes, I nodded. He asked me again, I nodded again. I them answered him verbally and he asked me another question. I said did u not see me nodding my head, he just stared at me. I said do you know what it means when I nod my head like that he said no. :-((((((

Yes we now do late starts and it's better. He was man handled into school once before the late starts. I did tell the senco that it wasn't right then the late starts came into effect. They seem to be working as I'm successfully getting him to school now albeit reluctantly but still he is walking through the door himself.

You need to wonder whether he's being bullied.

Being bullied is something most children with AS/HFA experience during their school lives. It can be the reason why they suddenly don't want to go to school anymore.

Perhaps some gentle questioning about the possibility of bullying would put your mind at rest.

I've wondered about the bullying issues and he always tells me that older children are horrible to him in the playground, they trip him over . I did mention to senco. My first thoughts were that the work is becoming more challenging now he is in juniors and it's taking it's toll on him. He often tells me he can't do what the others can or as well as the others.
I am going to try to talk to him gently re bullying.

Those stats in the Harc website (not sure if you saw them, think they were also posted on here) are shocking, the % of children being bullied makes me want to cry out loud.
Thank you for your replies they really help

Skylar123

Re this particular part of your comment:-
"Less than 2 years below his peers though"

I am wondering if someone has told you that he will not receive any extra help unless he is more than 2 years behind. Its a lie if you were told that by the way.

Its not beyond the possibility that he is also being bullied at school as well, you already state that older children trip him up in the playground.

It is clear that his additional needs are not being met and such situations often arise when that scenario happens.

I would apply for a Statement of special needs from your LEA as soon as possible; this week if you can do so. You are really his best - and only - advocate here. You already have a private DX, the LEA should accept that.

IPSEA's website is good so use that www.ipsea.org.uk

I was going to wait and see what is identified over the next 6 mths or so with the intention in mind to go a statement for year4. It has taken hard work and pressing but school are finally on board,mostly I think down to the recent school refusal and seeing Ds with own eyes. I will tell u what support he has at sch at present ...play therapy, social stories time, maths and literacy all in small groups of about 4/5. A TA that watches him at playtime. A card to use outside and inside. Do you think I could get a statement with all this in place as it stands today? Sch have also referred him to be assessed for learning disabilities. Autism specialist teacher is also seeing him soon as per a letter from by county council.
It was a private ed psych that told me it would be 'difficult' to get a statement as Ds is less than two years below his peers and sch have told me numerous times that there is no way.
Most of this extra support is fairly recent and I told the sch senco back in his previous sch year that if they don't start to acknowledge it and help things will get worse. They have. Now they are helping.
What should I be asking for by way of a statment? It's such a scary process especially when you arnt confident in knowing what you actually need to be doing.

Sch have also asked me to get a gp referral to look at dyspraxia.

Hi Skylar123,

re your comment:-

"It was a private ed psych that told me it would be 'difficult' to get a statement as Ds is less than two years below his peers and sch have told me numerous times that there is no way".

That is why I asked you about the reference you made to the "less than 2 years behind his peers".

Blanket policies (like DS being less than 2 years behind his peers) are actually illegal in law; the only criteria for statement is need of one!!.
Do not be put off and apply for the statement now particularly as these can take around 6 months to set up (also statements are going to get phased out in the next couple of years). You have ample evidence of need of a statement for your DS and he needs to have his educational rights protected properly.

Use IPSEA's template letter and address your letter to the Chief Education Officer at your LEA. The council will give you this person's name. You should give the council six weeks to reply to your letter once sent off (note that date on your calendar). IPSEA are also very good at the whole minefield that is the statementing process; I think too they now offer a callback service. Use them also and keep posting here.

Do let us know how you get on.

Good luck!.

Ok I'm going to do it. Should I tell the school - does it cost the sch more money if Ds has statement ? Blimey I didn't know about statements being phased out in the next couple of years! I will ask ipsea for advice and help as I haven't a clue what I am doing. Thank you.

Seconding Attila's excellent advice that you apply for a Statemeny yourself.

Everyone gets told their child won't get one - that's standard misinformation from school and the educational professionals because Statements cost them money.

Don't worry about who's funding the support your child needs - that's not your concern. Concentrate on getting a Statement before they are phased out.

I will - thanks

Yes do try for a statement. It sounds like he has complex needs and they all need to be baselined by professionals.

I had a call back with ipsea they was very helpful. They told me also that criteria of x years behind are illegal and all senco a should know this as there has been recent training.

I know one senco who didn't get the memo.......

Lol....I'm going to contact ipsea tomorrow.