Done the homework- seen the ss but cannot make a decision

[Lesley25]

Im really confused and would love your advice, apologies about the length of this post.

I posted a while back about ms not being as supportive for my ds, they have refused our private ot coming in and asked a private ep to asses my son who last week said quote " he is a child i would most likely see in ss".
After our last AR in October (and v negative feedback from currrent ms which was a shock) i sought advice on here and went to see 6 special schools. I only saw DS fitting in one of these schools.

The needs of all the children ere quite profund.
My son has really come on and everyone agrees (speech therapist, ot and ta) that its sometimes more of a question of not wanting to do something rather then cannot do.
I did the pros and cons with all the schools and really did lots of research speaking to mums who had left their details for prospective parents to talk with, as well as being realistic about my own sons additional needs.

A parent whose child attends ss said to me this morning that she held off from ss for as long as possible (her sons is 9) because at 5 she said he seemed the more able child in a class and she was worried that he would have less focused time.
I have to point out that the ss i like has children with profound learning difficulties.

I'm also going to see 2 very small mainstream schools - both in surrounding villages and i'm taking my full statement and ep report to see if they will be more, well, inclusive and allow me to bring in our speech therapist and OT to train the 1:1.

My child likes going to school, has a 1:1 TA and speech therapy weekly and a full statement. He has made progress in the last 2 months, now on one words, completely toilet trained and his sensory issues are being helped by our OT.
Lots of parents say to me "if the school don't want your child then why would you want your child to go there". But its not an easy decision to make, i guess if he was miserable and making zero progress then it would be easier.

What would everyone do? I'm trying to think of this constructively and after doing my research and seeing ss - the last option is seeing other mainstream schools. I'm so worried though that i will love them, the HT will give me fake promises and i will move my child out only to encounter the same problem a year down the line that i currently have with ds's school....
And i dread to think of the emotional impact this could well have with constantly moving schools for my son. Not to mention the fact that he might hate the new school. Im just so worried about the what'if's its stopping me from seeing the bigger picture.

If he's happy and making progress at the ms should i just keep him there? - unless they expel him of course.

I as I have said many times love dd2s sp sch .last year I was told to view sp sch and and some resourced provisions in mainstream schools .i loved the ss although several of her classmates are nonverbal and dd is verbal I loved the feel of the place and the activities they do .in the time she has attended the sch nursery she has come on leaps and bounds.i also didn't want a situation where she failed in mainstream I do appreciate how hard the decision is .dp and I argued for weeks about it good luck whatever you decide

We've just been through this process and have come out in favour of ss. One of the things that swayed us was that if in a few years DS is able to manage himself a bit better (he is currently 5) and is obviously being held back in ss, it is easier to transfer him back to ms.

If on the other hand we stuck it out with ms to the bitter end and several breakdowns for DS, competition for places in ss becomes much fiercer and he is more likely to end up with nothing.

Not an easy decision though.

Hi Sahkoora, i think we've been going through the same thing as our posts have been very similar. Can i ask - does your ds dislike school currently?
I definatley noticed the v small number of 5 year olds- my son is also 5 yet the vast difference in numbers from about 7-8 onwards is significant. Apparantly its very common for children to go to ss from about that age.

I can only second what the others have said. Our sons ms school were putting veiled pressure on us, but we still came to the conclusion we wanted SS. I guess the fact we knew ms didn't want him helped swing it. It's been the right move for us, I'm only sorry it didn't happen earlier. If your current school are making noises then I would think about how hat is going to make you feel further down the line. Ultimately I didn't want to fight for an empty prize. And my little son is so much happier now. We all are. Good luck

DS3 moved to ss from the ms that his brothers went to at the end of Y2. I found it a huge wrench but I just wanted to say that as soon as I saw the ss I knew it was the school for him.
I had a huge feeling of relief and excitement that I'd seen somewhere he could succeed. I was right. He was really really happy there. He came on in leaps and bounds.

You don't sound like you've found anywhere yet that gives you a feeling like that.

I have a ds is ss - he did one term in MS nursery with a 1-1 when he was 3 and started ss two weeks before his 4th birthday. Best decision I ever made!!! He has made good progress and loves it there, he is one of the more able in his class (school is sever and profound learning difficulties) but I don't feel he is left out at all.

As others have said, it is much easier to get a move from ss back to mainstream that the other wa around. I know of many parents who wish they hadn't left it so long - two of ds classmates joined the school this term and both sets of parents regret their child not having been at the school earlier as they feel they wasted time by sticking with mainstream for so long.

It is a hard decision.

As DD moved up each year in ms school the difference in her and her peers became more obvious, both academically and emotionally/socially. She moved into year 3 and finally had 1:1 support in class full time, but the pressure of the workload started to show and she became very withdrawn compared to previously and so moody at home where previously we used to have a mostly happy child. She moved to an indi ss last May, towards the end of year 3. The difference in her is astounding in just a few months. She is learning more now than she ever did in ms because finally she is relaxed about school and likes being there. Admittedly not all schools will suit all children and we were lucky to find a ss that was right for her. Others locally would not have suited her well at all I don't think. She is never going to be a high achiever academically but the school is so much more than just academic work and for her I know this will give her the best possible chance at leading a more normal adult life in the long run by helping her learn life skills as well as exam related stuff.

Hi Lesley,

My DS is currently out of school while we wait for his statement to be finalised. Having a nailbiting wait hoping the LA name a SS on it.

Although DS had friends and "fun" while he was at school, and if asked, he would always say he had a good day, the pressure of school was actually intolerable. I saw for myself the kind of pressure being inflicted on him when he started to have problems going into the school building at the start of the day.

Instead of backing off and giving him some time and space, his 1:1 and the senco would badger and shout at him, try to bully me into going home and give him ultimatums and put a timer in front of him.

These are people who are supposed to be experts in SEN, and none of them had a clue how to deal with an autistic kid during a meltdown! It really showed how little experience and qualifications people in these positions have in ms.

My visits to the local sses were amazing. I felt really encouraged that DS might actually be able to get an education, rather than just being "managed". At ss it wouldn't matter if he didn't feel able to sit on a carpet. He wouldn't be excluded from assemblies, school trips and school plays. I wouldn't have to pick him up from a back door. In short, he wouldn't be the odd one out any more.

And everyone I know on here and in RL who has a kid in an ss says it was a turning point for them. I have never heard anyone who regretted it, though there are plenty who regret not doing it sooner.