not sure if this is right for here but figured you would all know more than the single parents thread....

[fattiemumma]

basicly, i am currently n the middle of a court case over access with the children and their dad who was violent.

anyway because ds has SN it is all far more complicated. well the court has ordered for a Consultant child psychiatrist to make an assesment of him.
they want to know if A)he has witnessed any of the violence or is at all aware of it (XP is denying anything ever happened) B) if he has witnessed anything, it has influenced his behaviour. C) if there is any other diagnosis to be made ( he is suspected of having ASD but as he is only 5 there is no formal dx as yet)

soo what i was wondering is if anyone here has ever been to see a consultant PSych at GOSH called Danielle (i think Wilson??)
as that was the name the judge put forward as the prefered expert.

im a bit mixed about it al tbh. i am angry that he has put ds thr9ugh this simply becasue he wont admit what he has done. but i am aslo glad as DS will now be seen by one of the top people in the country and if any dx can be made they wil be the ones to do it.

does anyone know how on earth they wil answer those questions? Ds's speech is very poor and his communative language is at around the age 2-3 stage. i justc ant see how they would possible know the answers to any of those questions from speakign to him. he doesnt have any independant play skills either...just replays the scenes he has seen in tv or films etc. so there cold be no play assesment.

sorry, im rambling now. im just so confused, my head is spinning and i just want this whole blody court case over. i have enough to worry about year 1 in september....BLOODY INCLUSION POLICY!

oh wow - can't give advice or comment but wanted to say sorry you are having a tough time and are worried. I would imagine a psych would have the necessary skills to assess your ds regardless of his sn. Just didn't want you to think no one was reading and responding. Hopefully someone with a better idea will be around in the morning.

Oh dear, that's a difficult situation, I'm sorry to hear about it. Your DS can be dx with ASD at 5, in fact 5 is quite late ime. I think I've heard of a Danielle woman at GOSH so I think you're probably going to be in good hands, esp if she's a Psychologist NOT a psychiatrist. They will be experienced in observing the type of behaviours you describe and assessing what they mean (does sound like ASD) but you should keep yourself a notepad until your appt and write down the sort of things you've put on your original post. I really don't know how they can/will deal with whether your DS has witnessed the violent behaviour and if he has ASD it won't make any difference to that. It worries me a bit that it is implied that him possibly having ASD could be affected by your ex's behaviour, they need to get away from that idea asap. I'm sure the GOSH woman won't think that way. Maybe it won't have been good for him but it won't make him have ASD or not. So don't worry that you have put him in a situation that has caused ASD if he does get a dx. Good luck.

I can't really offer anything other then suport nad sympathy I'm afraid, and to agrre with Davros that by 5 they can have dx ASD, my son was dx 2 weeks shy of his 3rd birthday and that was delayed becuase no one would listen.

I aren't sure what methods they'll use, or what info they'll be able to get out of your son, but your ex's behaviour won't have affected your sons behaviour, certianly it won't have had na impact on him being ASD.

Is shall offer you ((((((hugs)))))) and hope that you get a good outcome from all of this xx

thanks for your responses.

I had always hidden what went on at home from the CAMHS etc becasue i didnt want that to influence their DX.

i have been told so far that its really hard to diagnose anyhting until he is at least 5 because his behaviour is difficult before then anyway.

GRR it makes me so because anyone non expert says straight away thathe has sooo many ASD traits and yet anone with what is meant to be a qualification in the field seems unsure.
hopefully this expert will reveal something. i really would hate to think that the extremes of his behaviour and learning delay are because i failed to act sooner with regards to leaving.

thank you very much for the hugs, trust me they are needed right now!

fattiemumma - just wanted to pick up on something you said:

"i really would hate to think that the extremes of his behaviour and learning delay are because i failed to act sooner with regards to leaving."

You did the best you could given the circumstances. I can appreciate a little where you are coming from... I often look at dd1 and get angry at myself. We has access to such limited therapy in the UK because of where we lived and dh and I were working and so on. When we got to Aus - we were able to access - SALT, OT, Physio and so on on a very regular basis ( rather than once a month in a group setting with limited therapists - in fact dd1 had no speech therapy for the 1st two years of her life).

It made me mad at myself that we had delayed coming to Aus and to see how much she improved and to see her now at 4, I often pause and wonder - would she be even better than she is now had she had the effective intervention right from birth

however that is all well and good. Dh and I got to Aus when we could, we had to work to afford to walk away from jobs etc and up sticks to Aus. We did the best for dd1 as we knew it at the time. Dh often tells me not to be so harsh on myself BUT as a parent you always woonder if you are doing enough or is something your fault...

SOrry for the ramble - wanted to say - No blaming yourself. You did the best you could given the present situation that you had found yourself in. Now you are making the best decision based on today's circumstances.

Hope you can follow what I mean - just be kind to yourself.

Hear hear Eidsvold, well said.

Fattiemumma,
AS eidsvold has said, none of this is your fault.

Are they looking at your son for autism or Aspergers Syndrome? the latter is generally diagnosed at an older age, though delayed language would suggest autism. Yes behaviour is more difficult in the pre school years, but I can hand on heart say that if you compare my boys age for age, ds2 has been showing obvious ASD triats from 9 months... Its osunds like, on top of all the other stress your obviously going through specialists are fobbing you off... I have no experience with CAMHS, but from previous posts I get the impression they're crap!

You have done what you thought was best, I can only imagine how hard it must have been to leave a violent relationship, you must have alot to work through yourself, don't keep it in.

thanks ladies.

to be honest i have no idea what direction they are going. AS was mentioned in the begining but that was ruled aout when he was about 3 because he had started to show emotion(though it was exagerated and now i come to think of it, it could have been learned reaction rather than actually feeling) and would point ( though rarely) and could hold eye contact (though again i think he may have learned this as his eary SALT woudl enourage him to stop, look, listen.)

his behaviour stuff, poor co ordination and balance and language difficulties strike me as ASD though.

i dont know. i have no idea what they will come up with, if anything. im just trying to keep as sane as i can right now.

BUT breakthrough. he went to school all morning and didnt get sent home! not bad for a 5 nearly 6 year old

So many things are indicators or traits of AS/ASD that its impossible to compare cases, a lot of professionas and specialists have some kind of anti-labeling policy which means an awful lot of children aren't getting the support and intervention they need. You might have another fight on your hands to get what he needs and deserves.