ADHD guidance needed

[Mojito100]

I am a returning member to mumsnet. We returned to Australia some years ago, however, I need support advice and guidance and this was always a brilliant place to get it. I can't seem to find the support I need and therefore feel completely isolated, alone, fighting for my ds and constantly judged by others. Both my kids have ADHD however the youngest has the impulse control issues which result in significant behavioural outbursts. School have worked hard with me however fail to recognise there is no magic cure. In the last 2 weeks they have decided it is best for him to do half days which have completely sent him spinning and basically sends the message that he has lost before the day has even started. I have spoken to them about the damage to his self esteem and psych but they have said tough luck essentially. My heart is broken for him and wish I could do more. I don't feel like I have a position of power to negotiate from. Can anyone tell me what they recommend. School seem to think his behaviour is a choice and not a neurological issue. I'm not sure if the issue is the fact I have hit a major low or how to help him. Advice and sympathy both needed

Thank you. Both are ADHD but display differently from behaviour perspective. Things get slightly more complicated as both boys saw their sister murdered by their father when younger. Eldest ones approach is to not talk about it. We are working through that. Youngest one people say was to young to realise but i disagree as his anxiety around being left is extremely high and wasn't before along with other issues. I will read the book as school do not seem to recognise this is a disorder and continue to treat it as him being a naughty kid.

Seconding the Ross Greene book. It really is excellent. It also makes you wonder why this way of dealing with children is not obvious to so many people who work with them.

Thank you all. Even just reading the excerpt from the book has helped. I will be purchasing it tomorrow. There is nothing worse than feeling so helpless and just wanting to be able to help your children lead a healthy life when you feel at times it is against you.

I unfortunately don't know enough about what is out there for ADHD to help so all advice is greatly appreciated. I will look into the sensory processing/integration interventions as I am willing to investigate and give anything a go.