School refusal, anxiety, depression and panic attacks - what to do

[RavenRose]

Hi, I'm hoping someone may be able to suggest something as I don't know what to do anymore.

Dd1 is in year 8. Last year she was referred for assessment as aspergers was suspected. She's been bullied since primary school, the school weren't supportive and she moved schools in year 6. Year 7 seemed to be better. The secondary school dealt firmly with incidents but there was a serious issue with cyber bullying a few weeks back but again the school seemed to sort it

Dd1 has never liked crowds and I've seen her have panic attacks. The panic attacks have now extended to school. Other children in school have noticed. Dd is now refusing to go. She spends all day in bed, won't talk to me, wont wash or shower. She has no or few friends now and never talks to anyone outside school anymore. I spoke to gp who arranged an urgent referral to camhs. She has an appointment in 2 weeks time but we've been warned that maybe cancelled if a more urgent case comes up. Also I've been told that the aspergers assessment will take a further 10 months to start. The appointment next week is about her depression. We've already been waiting a year for the aspergers assessment.

I've contacted the school, wrote a letter confirming what's going on and have an appointment with the ewo next week. There's no Senco involvement - despite my requests. At the moment she's in bed, won't talk and won't respond to me. Sanctioning her is pointless. I honestly think it would more harm than good. I really don't know what to do anymore. No one seems to be able to offer any advice. They just send us round in circles and both dh and me feel totally lost.

We also have dd2 (11) going through assessment for asd. Both of us work full time. I'm taking leave this week but I'm not sure how long I can stay off or if I can carry on working when things are like this- but we need to pay the bills. We've both had flexible working requests turned down in the last month or 2.

There's no family support, mil is 85 and her health is going downhill rapidly. We also having caring duties for her.

So firstly what do I do with dd1 and how can I sort things in the future? I'm totally out of ideas now. I did think about private assessment but would that help and where would I go? I feel so fucking useless at the moment.

Sorry for the mega rant but I didn't want to drip feed.

Hi Doctor

Thanks for replying. She does know she's being assessed but it just seems to be taking so long. Her sister was referred after her but is further along the process now.

At school she's classed as having no sen. I want to get her statemented as she can't access the support unit at school without one. But I've been told I can't start this until she has a full diagnosis. I was thinking about doing this privately but I'm not sure a private assessment would be accepted. I also want to get a statement in place for dd2 before she starts secondary.

Thank you for the web links. I'll make some tea and settle down for a good read!

Are the school recognising the issues? If not, I can say that video helps, if you can catch a panic attack.

Lougle, they don't really recognise there's an issue. The response is that she can work in the library. The teachers set work and she works on her own in the library. I'm not convinced it does much good to be honest as it just seems to isolate her

The annoying thing is that there is a asd/as support unit in the school. It's why we picked this one but I can't seem to get her access to it. I can't even speak to the senco at the school. They just say there's no proper diagnosis in place yet

"I can't even speak to the senco at the school."

That's not good.

I would look elsewhere, too.

And please don't believe the old "we can't put anything in place at school as there's no diagnosis" that is a load of rubbish. A statement is based on need and if she's in the library then she clearly needs something arranged at school for her.

If you can't get hold of senco while your still at the school then go to the head and the lea inclusion officer from your local authority - inform them you can't get hold of senco and explain your issues.

Hello, thanks to all if you for your advice.

I wrote a long email to the head, giving a full account of dds issues plus a complaint as to how they were handling this. A couple of hours later the senco called out of the blue. She's going to the asd unit tomorrow and we are looking at introducing her back into school on a part time basis. She'll be in the asd unit for some time then they will try and get her back into some lessons. She will in control of what lessons and when. Im surprised how quickly it happened.

She's up and dressed today, even had a shower and came out with us for a couple of hours.

I think I need to be a lot more pushy. The letter has been sent to start the assessment process so hopefully things will slowly start to improve. However I'm still going to think about another school. We've looked at several due to dd2 going to secondary next year. Many thanks again for pointing me in the right direction!

Hi raven I have another book recommendation for you "Girls growing up on the autism spectrum" It is american as many are but I am reading it at the moment and its very good.

I am sorry your Dd has had such a difficult time at school, it is every parents nightmare isnt it

I have an 11 yr old Dd with Asd and a 25 yr old with undiagnosed aspergers. Girls with Asd are being missed and misdiagnosed every day.

Sadly you will have to become really tough to make sure that your girls needs are met at school.

Good luck

I think I need to be a lot more pushy.

You certainly do!

You've seen the benefit of putting things in writing - they don't ignore letters. That's evidence that's now on her school file.

They know as well as you do that your DD has SENs. There is no way they would offer to reintegrate her via the ASD unit if they did not know she had SENs.

You should insist, in writing that she is placed on SA+ and that an IEP is drawn up - that seems a very reasonable and practical response for a child that's having access to an ASD unit and who has been notified to outside agencies.

I would also apply for a statutory assessment that may lead to a Statement, directly to the LA, myself. If you do that they will have to properly assess her needs as part of the SA process.

I would also complain to CAMHS about the amount of time it will take to carry out the ASD assessment. It's a ridiculous amount of time when it could be done by a competent practioner in a much shorter timescale. They know she has ASD or wouldn't have offered the ASD unit.

Finally, I expect 'school refusal' is a term that you've heard school / teachers use.

Please don't call it school refusal. You've stated that she's been chronically and severely bullied and, without any SEN support. Put yourself in her place - would you want to go to a school where you were treated in ths way? I doubt it.

I am sure that if she felt safe from bullying at school and also received the corect amount of support she would be happy to go to school. As she isn't she's very sensibly decided not to go to school. But school prefer to shift the blame to her and state it's her refusal to go to school - not the reality that school is actually a hostile place for her.

Yes - time to kick ass all around I think. Being 'nice' with school etc just means you get taken advantage of and your DD gets denied the support she needs.

Best wishes