asd dd1 being bullied at school

[WellThatsLife]

Got a phone call from school today to say dd was feeling sick and had backache but I just had a feeling something else was wrong, there had been some bullying earlier in the year.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_chat/1889806-asd-dd1-feels-like-no-one-likes-her-at-high-school(yes-link works, first time i tried!)

Anyway went down to school and took dd into visitors area at school to talk to her and it all came out, the bullying which I thought had improved as she had not said anything has escalated. The ones who had been kicking her bag are not shouting at her and pushing her, swearing and calling her names. with the one who collared her outside school are also swearing at her, calling her names and are also targeting her best friend.Bf dm has also put in a formal complaint about these girls(one of them unfortunately lives next door to them so dd's bf cannot even escape at home). Today there was another escalation with these two, one of them kept asking dd for some of her lunch money, dd said no then at lunchtime they sat them selves on the same table as dd and her bf, still asking for money. Dd went to get something from counter, asking bf to watch her money,while at the counter saw altercation between bf and these girls, when she came back some of her money was missing.

Spoke to secretary who managed to get hold of dds keyworker and we had a meeting with her and she helped dd fill in bullying forms and is reporting the situation to HOY and teacher who deals with bullying .

I knew there was something wrong and it's so frustrating when you think something sorted only to find it isn't. She said to me tonight that she is worried about going back now she has reported in case they do something in revenge, thankfully she doesn't have to going tomorrow morning as has hospital appointment for her asthma

Had hope that you had got things sorted remember your other post .
When are you getting your meeting with head of year and bullying coordinator . This needs to be ASAP like tomorrow after your appointment at asthma clinic , this may make her condition worse with the stress of it all.
I know its hard but you need for her to go back in , otherwise the little thugs will think there winning , this is going to be really hard on your daughter though as mentally she have become quite fragile , living on her nerves , so to speak , over the last few weeks . Doesn't take long for them to feel vulnerable .
Plan , what are the school going to do to ensure your daughter safety , is she in class with any of them , please don't accept like I did that they can't move them to another class as even if academically there the same there be more than one class teaching at roughly the same level . Is there a support worker in any of her classes that can keep eyes and ears open .
Can she has a pass to exit class as everyone else is packing up , so is on way to next lesson before others , so no chance of confrontation in corridors / stairwells . Is there an safe area that she can go to at break like the library , club at lunch that these other girls wouldn't be included in , that she allowed to take her friend too. Her mentor ensuring that she get access to dinner que , or has packed lunch , there must be some area of canteen that is more observed by staff , that she can sit in .
It's offal that she can't just have a simple carefree life at school . Don't let her blame herself in any way , these people get off on thinking they have the upper hand .
Hope the school take matters more seriously than my child previous school , but you need to also give them a chance to sort the problem , give them deadline to be meet by , constantly following things up with head of year and mentor , if there hopeless and do nothing , or things don't really change for better , start looking round to see what's available that would suit your daughter , but her name down for a place , or get a transferred arranged with Lea for bullying that being unresolved .
Please don't leave it as long as I did , can do a lot of damage to them in this time . Hope things get sorted for you and your daughter , please let us know how your getting on .

Have you managed to get to speak with anyone at school today .

Teacher in charge of bullying rang me today, she spoken to all girls involved and made it plain that this behavior will not be tolerated in the school, however i did get the impression that she did not think it was that serious so we will have to keep a close eye on the situation and make sure dd keeps talking to us. She say today that they seemed to be avoiding her, however at lunchtime she phoned me to say that some of the boys in her year, encouraged by yet another girl in her(one we had problems with at primary again!) appeared to be taking pictures of her on their phones. I phoned her back shortly after and she seemed much happier and I'm not sure if she misread the situation or if they were genuinely taking pictures and trying to wind her up and get a response so we're monitoring the situation and will ring the school immediately if we have any concerns about this.

She does have a room-'the base'-where all those who classed as vulnerable or needing a refuge can go at break and lunch but she doesn't want to go there as she does have friends in her year and doesn't want to feel different.

Good that she been in touch with you , I agree with you that they never seem to see the bigger picture in where this can lead up too . Yes at the moment it may be stupid things that they don't really see the importance of , but these things if not rained in straight away just lead onto more and more that it escalates , with more children becoming involved.
I would be worried about the photo thing as yes they may be doing this to get a rise out of her , but they can also photoshop these pictures with captions etc , what is the school policy on using phones and taking photographs . Remember that you child can and will get into trouble here for also using her phone to ring you .
Please though keep a record of all these incidents in your diary , so that if you need it for evidence at a later date you can with accuracy say what's been going on. Wish I had done this .
At the moment all you can do is monitor the situation and hope that it settles down , which it should for a short while , as they know there behaviour will be monitored by teaching staff , but believe me this will be short term that the eye being kept on them , as teachers never have the time to keep this ongoing.
Whilst they are could you in roll her in some self defence classes , to help her improve her confidence in dealing with these people , we went to one but my child found this hard as it draws on drawing attention to what's going on. I thought they where good but my child just didn't get it.
Hope things settle down for her , and my son agrees with her about learning base , seems that can make situation worse with fitting in, he said library good as had computers available , he also went to science club , which help with getting to know a few people, also believe it or not he got couple of detention for forgetting kit, few of rougher kids , can actually be really helpful in toning a situation down , by there non participation, when there pushing / shoving / taken stuff out there bags.
It's one of the hardest things you have to deal with and sometimes there's no solution as you can't actually change these kids mentallity .
For us changing school has been the saving grace to his mental health.

Well, things seemed to have settled down more or less, bit of low level bantering but nothing more but dd started talking to me tonight and it seems the two girls have spreading rumours that me and dh and taking drugs amongst other things! Now this is not good for anybody but I work in pharmacy and obviously these sort of rumours could have serious repercussions. Dh went to speak to her dm who was not very happy and apparently the school had not told her about some of the previous episodes so we will have to wait and see what happens now

Hopefully now the mother more in the picture things might get sorted for good . Here's hoping for you .