Helping your child to expect teasing ...

[fishoils]

This might seem like an odd question ...

My DS has mild cerebral palsy and today I could see he was being teased in the playground for not being able to run very fast and catch the other children.

A friend of mine said a while ago that he will have to put up with this for the rest of his life and so learn to brush it off. I thought this was an odd comment at the time. But today I realised that (DS is nearly 7) I can't fight his battles anymore. I can't wade in and tell the other children off - because it wasn't bullying ... they were just being children and DS was tired and they didn't understand ...

DS can run but not very fast and today he was refusing to run but getting upset and cross with them because they were making him be the chasing person. Actually he needed to do a poo (I found out afterwards) which was why he couldn't run at all - but that's another issue in itself.

I am just thinking that perhaps I should say something to DS like children want to tease anyone who is not so good at something as they are, but you are very good at lots of other things, like swimming and horseriding and riding a bike, so you have ignore silly comments and teasing.

How can I word this in a better way?

OK. So how can I empower DS to cope with these situations?

DS's condition is very mild. School like to treat him exactly the same as the others and will never do a talk on why DS is different. He would hate that as well, as although he knows that he has to do physio etc and other don't, he would not like to bring attention to his differences.

We have always talked about how he was born not being able to use parts of his body and after all his/our hard work he can do so so much that was never expected etc - but ultimately DS feels like everyone else.

I think the other children also see him as one of them but possibly are intrigued by things such has his slower running and his not being able to climb or use one of his hands very well ...

Also, what happened tonight after school, DS assures me never normally happens.

OK I also think its not a good idea to teach DS to ignore/tolerate teasing.

But does anyone have any ideas of helping him to cope with odd moments when it does happen?

I agree with the others. Your son should learn that it is absolutely unacceptable for anyone to tease or belittle him.

My DD is 6 and also has mild CP. It's the way she runs that has similarly caused stares and comments so we've had to think about how to help her with such things. Actually it's generally my older DC that fends off the comments in the playground on her behalf!

We have tried to be clear about what she needs to tell the teacher about and what she can deal with herself. She has a great sense of humour about it and does a good exaggerated parody of her running 'style' which generally gets other kids laughing with her and not at her.

I agree with above posts that even if this isn't the norm, school should be told about what's happening in the playground and some work needs to be done with the kids about acceptance and diversity. It's a tough time for our DC I think as their 'differences' start to become obvious to themselves - sounds like you are dealing with this brilliantly though

Thank you everyone.

I will talk to the school, then. And I'll let DS know that its not acceptable.

I suggested that he ask them to play something different. Or to walk away and for us to just go home.

He was being assertive in a cross sort of way.

The trouble is I can't think of great things for him to say, because I know what children are like and they'll find a way round anything that is thrown at them.

Hopefully the school will have some good ideas ...

My son faced similar situations when he was in school (ASD/ADHD) and was repeatedly wound up for entertainment value. We used these two books which you might find useful:

Bullies, Bigmouths

Stick Up For Yourself

It would be lovely if we could reliably expect other children (and indeed, adults) to be more tolerant and supportive of children with additional needs but sadly it doesn't often happen. Anything they can do to help themselves will stand them in good stead.

Thank you for your replies everyone. They have been really helpful.

I've ordered those books Streaky Bacon. They are just what I've been looking for.