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I don't feel up to this (3yo)

10 replies

notablob · 15/11/2013 20:24

Forgive me, I've posted before under different names about my 3.1yo's development. I tend to have bouts of fearing the future and feeling sorry for myself, followed by long periods of burying my head in the sand.

DS was observed at nursery today, at their instigation because they are worried about his social development and communication skills. She noted that he spent a lot of time running round skimming surfaces with his hands, was pretty much constantly verbalising but with lots of repetitive phrases from favourite TV shows, saying "hello [own name]" instead of "hello [other person's name]" etc.

During the observation he showed little awareness of the other children. His responses to questions are often made up of repeating what adults say, or using learned phrases which only sort of answer the question (e.g. "Are you hungry, X?" "Do you want some food"). At home I have to prompt him to say yes or no every time, he doesn't use them spontaneously although he understands

The observer also noticed that he is very repetitive - using the same phrase every time he went up to greet his key worker, for e.g. On the positive side she also noted that he is friendly with adults, relaxed and obviously happy in the setting.

This all chimes in with what I've seen at home, but I found it very disheartening for his early years professionals agree with me :(. I just don't feel I have the emotional reserves to cope. I feel so sad for my little boy, but also a whole load of other less charitable emotions, like disappointment and tiredness.

OP posts:
lougle · 15/11/2013 20:39

This is the hardest time. It's like a transition from the nervous energy you use worrying, and trying to stop yourself worrying, to an active energy where you suddenly realise you were right to worry.

You are in the perfect time frame to get him help. Honestly. It's SO much harder once they're at school.

Have a too, it's a horrible time.

sickofsocalledexperts · 15/11/2013 20:45

It is very hard, working out what is going on, seeing professionals, waiting for a possible diagnosis etc

I found that my way of coping was to go into action-mode.

Whatever turns out to be the issue, every single study suggests that early intervention, esp before 5 , can actually change how the brain develops - as it is at its most malleable at this age. You are not helpless, you can actually have an effect on outcomes. This fact helped me

Keep talking to him, model the correct things to say, wait for him to repeat correct phrase, then reward it (crisp, sweet, tickles). As far as possible, keep treating him "normally", taking him places etc.

We got ABA tutors in, but you can work on it yourself too.

Not sure if that helps, but it is what helped me.

marchduck · 15/11/2013 20:58

I think many of us here will understand and empathise with what you are feeling. It is sad and it is unfair. It's hard as well to hear that someone else sees the same things. But it's good in a way too, because the nursery now has evidence to make the case for your DS having some interventions to help with his interaction and communication.
Was the observer an ed psych? It's great that the observer had noted that he is friendly, relaxed and happy - there is so much to build on here. Can you request a meeting with the observer (or the referrer) to find out what will next in term of referrals e.g. development paed, speech & language therapist, occupational therapist.
One of the best bit of advice I read on here is that DCs with delay/difficulties do make progress, albeit slower than peers. definitely true in our case. Hang in there and keep posting.
PS - I hear you about the tiredness! I am always tired Grin Good excuse for a medicinal pick-me-up on a Friday night.

notablob · 15/11/2013 21:51

We're about to move (to an area I understand from on here has a really bad rep regarding how they deal with SENs :() so at the moment the plan is for me to seek referral once I've got him settled in a new setting.

The observer wasn't an ed psych and made it clear that diagnosis isn't within her remit; her role is more to suggest to me/nursery how we might better support him and advise further input if needed.

OP posts:
2boysnamedR · 16/11/2013 00:47

It's not nice hear that your fears are right. It's early days but agree its the perfect time for action. The more you do now the more it will pay off later. It's not fair but some kids just find something's harder in life. As a mum you too will grow and learn new things. It feel like doom now and that's ok, you are allowed to be worried. Turn the energy from worry to action. Take control. School told me that I drive my sins journey. I armed myself with a 4x4 and a sat nav. I don't follow the path laid out in front of me. I pull off the road and go across the field with the school holding on dear life if I have to. You can do that too. Read and read and then take control.

notablob · 17/11/2013 09:48

Thank you everyone. Not sure if I'm rallying or head burying but I feel more positive this morning.

I've found the details of a local independent SLT who specialises in his age group and also works in an SN school. I'm going to try and arrange some sessions for DS to see if she can offer any exercises/thoughts etc.

If anyone has recommendations for books/activities/resources that might help improve his communication skills I'd be oh so grateful :).

OP posts:
joberg · 23/11/2013 06:13

How did you get on? Sorry to hijack your thread, have just discovered this forum. We have gone through the observations and ADOS2 tests, and are getting feedback for on Pyschologist on Monday afternoon, and the closer it gets, the more and more panicked I am getting...
I want to know so I can help him but I also want to shut all the shutters and just get everyone to leave us alone so we can just cuddle and play and be happy.

(Does that make sense?)

post · 23/11/2013 07:37

We did a son-rise programme with ds, and there are loads of ideas for games that are all about social connection on their website and on YouTube ( can't link on iPad).

I was just the same, I felt so sad and helpless. But now, years on, I really don't. Being able to do something myself that clearly made a difference for him was a real help for me, when you always have to wait soooo long for help from outside.

And 100% agree with wanting to cuddle and play and be happy with my gorgeous boy. Sometimes I think when you're fighting for help and worrying about the future you can forget to do that.

Mrsuncertainty · 23/11/2013 07:45

You sound really worried but as the other posters have said - you can channel that positively... I can't offer shy reassurance I'm afraid but just sympathy. Going through similar things. It's so tough isn't it? At least you have realised this young. I've been in denial and have left it later to do anything about it & rush I hadn't.

Try to focus on the positives & good luck

Firsttimer7259 · 23/11/2013 07:53

I'm having another bout of grief at the moment too - just very dad and realising our dd is v disabled and likely to stay that way. It's just terribly hard and unfair. All I can advise is to claw to yourselves every bit of help you can get so you can process all of it and get on with supporting your child with a strong heart. ( that's what I'm trying at least)

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