ASD - Anger, aggressive behaviour, heightened emotions

[CinnamonPretzel]

DS has outbursts of anger more as he gets older (9yrs). When at school it could be a minor thing but it escalates quite quickly into him getting angry with hitting out or storming off to be alone.

His being alone, if it doesn't include destruction of what is at hand, will be the need to hide, curled up in a ball. Anyone going near who isn't an approved person (by him) results in lack of communication until he's had time to rest.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this? Do we continue as we are, calming, giving space and waiting? Do we organise a quite place that he can disappear into? Obviously I don't want to promote behaviour where he thinks it's acceptable to crawl into a hidey hole but if this helps.

At a loss.. Suggestions grateful

Hi PolterGoose, yes I have that book - haven't read it yet though. He's high functioning with sensory processing disorder and ADD (and now tics). He has wonderful support in school, his LSA usually calms him and works through the issue, discussing through etc.

Today he had an outburst because his friend sang the wrong words to a song (messing around) but DS didn't take too kindly to it, tried hitting him, then stormed off missing lunch (had it later). It took a while to get through to him (after he'd hidden) but because his LSA wasn't available it was harder than usual.

My concern is that he hasn't long until he goes into secondary school and I'm not sure what support is like there. Will it be one LSA or mixed as classes change etc. we want to put in place some coping techniques and al so have a clear way of dealing with it without the need for a specific person. Or do you think that's too much to ask and what the statement and LSA is for?

When he was younger it was a certain requirement but as he progresses into secondary, should there be that transition and phasing out of such closeness?

We generally know how to deal with the outbursts at home and in class if the supervision is there, however, it's more an after event if it gets to a point of escalation. In the playground he doesn't have that kind of support and the support is called if required, which will be after the act.

Sorry if that's all mixed - just bouncing thoughts out as they come.

We appear to share a 9yo.

It's a good sign that he knows what to do to calm himself down again. You wouldn't be giving the wrong message by encouraging him to designate a safe space (though, if he is like my 9yo, it would need to be his idea!)

DS1 isn't sufficiently accepting of the fact that he experiences such emotions for this to help him, but I know a lot of children with ASD have been helped by the "what to do" books by Dawn Huebner
www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384467203&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+do+when+your+temper+flares

Does your DS have a statement, btw? Now's the time you need to start thinking about what his exact options for secondary would be. He might be fine in secondary with the minimal support he'd get, even with a statement. His anxiety and anger issues may make a school with smaller classes more appropriate. Some people here have high functioning DCs who have been awarded places at SEN friendly independent mainstream schools on this basis. Some secondaries have ASD bases. You should check out the local special schools, even if it's just to rule them out as a viable alternative and investigate independent ASD schools in your region to see what they have to offer.

Apologies, if you already know all this stuff and have been acting on it, but just to say that muddling along into mainstream secondary with dubious support isn't the only option.

Thanks ouryve, yes has 22 hrs and we've just made appointment to visit secondary before Xmas. Didn't want to look at special schools tbh - don't they concentrate more on social than academic or do I have it all wrong and should go view? We'll be pushing for more hrs for the ADD, getting to different classes, motivation etc plus support with emotions, appropriate peer interaction, safety re getting from the coach into school...

Thanks PolterGoose,
Sorry, how do we go about the pro-active ? If someone is with him they can see a situation and can discuss and learn but if in the playground, how do they do that? OT via NHS didn't offer much support. His is mainly, sound and temperature which is monitored. His vestibular and proprioceptive senses are the need for more and he has breaks and motor skills etc to help. Private OT was too expensive to continue so have see them in two years unfortunately. He was on auditory integration therapy a few years back but... We were shown things to help - maybe we need to implement a few more exercises during the day to accommodate the movement/touch requirement.

A lot of SS's aren't academic at all, but there's a handful that are - you just need to search for them! In our case, there's many schools in the area we haven't even contacted, since they make it clear that they only offer vocational courses and basic skills. We've familiarised ourselves with the two closest state SS, which was useful, since it gave us a much more solid idea why they would not be suitable for DS1 - and lo and behold, the LA agrees they're not suitable, but has still suggested a joint placement with one of them.

It's worth finding out how flexible secondary will be over the things that your DS is sensitive to, when you visit. Would he be allowed to wear some discreet earbuds with a bit of music to cut out extraneous noise, when he's concentrating? How ridiculous are they about uniform? And I mean ridiculous - many secondaries are insisting that pupils wear school jumpers and blazers at all time, even in the classroom, in September, when it's boiling hot. Not good if you have a child whose blood is prone to boiling in a figurative sense, when he is too hot.

DS1's 1:1 does a lot of what Poltergoose's does. She'll do jobs for other people, which create the perfect excuse for getting him out to move around and decompress. DS1 tends to simmer before he explodes - it's rarely completely out of the blue and anyone who knows him well can spot it happening. It's not always possible to completely prevent the explosion, particularly if he's having a high anxiety day, but the fall out can be minimised by making sure he's not in the middle of a lot of other people, when it happens.

Another one with ds's like that.

For ds1 moving to a BESD special school has made a huge difference. In fact we have just had annual review and open evening and he was described as a "delight to teach"and "could they take him home with them please". This is the same child who in his mainstream school was described as rude, uncooperative, disruptive and had regular meltdowns.
He is also being stretched academically - he is very good at maths - so they are giving him some extra lessons so he can do some Level 6 maths. Point I am trying to make is that the behaviour is likely to be because he is not being supported sufficiently.

One of the first things school can do is to organise a "safe place" where your son is allowed to go when he is feeling stressed. This will need negotiation with your son and school as his idea of a safe place may not be the same as the schools. ds2 preferred hiding in the boys toilets to the schools idea of the library which had a constant flow of people walking through it! We also found that the ds's found it difficult to ask to access their safe place so it is worth the school practising this with your son.

Other strategies that we have found helpful at times (all designed to reduce stress levels) are option of a work station by themselves option to stay in at break or go home for lunch, option to do alternative lessons when it is something they find really difficult like singing , dancing or RE in my sons case, TA support during group work, timetable and advanced warning if it changes.

The support in secondary's is very variable so I suggest you start looking around now and see the SENCO's at your closest schools to see what they can offer.

DS has the sit n move cushion, although has recently stopped using it as we are trialling exercises for the core along with a motor skills break. Fidget breaks have been decreased as he appeared to be coping, although due to the increase in anxiety at the moment we are monitoring home/school behaviour to ascertain what is/isn't helping. Teacher and LSA are great with home/school liaison log and chats when needed. Not sure he uses his fidget toy in school anymore but it was on his IEP so will review.

Re safe place - yes, this is what I've suggested but knowing the school layout, there isn't really anywhere he can go that's really appropriate.
I have two school visits already booked for December and awaiting another couple, but will look at special schools and see what's available.

I think we'll be in a no win situation as I believe the schools in our area are more social rather than academic and DS is high functioning and on opinion from other, better suited to MS. However, MS is really going to push the limits and I'm concerned about bullying, friendships, etc..

This is now the next step into worries...

It's amazing what room even a small, overcrowded school can find for a safe space, with a bit of a sort out. Over the past few years, 2 storage cupboards have become quiet rooms for meetings and small groups and there's only one classroom in the school that hasn't been tweaked to have a quiet corner for one of my boys to work in - and that was because it's a very small classroom.

My dd also is 9 and is exactly the same as your d's. We are currently waiting for her consultant to do a school visit and then the ed psych will also visit with a hope to get a statement. She is explosive and sometimes had to be forcibly removed from class because of her violence, outside if class she can go to a special room where she has a box of work she can do if she doesn't want to return to class. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and possibly ADHD. The school have given her a 1 to 1 but funding will soon run out. Currently with a 1 to 1 she is working well and not having outbursts

Another one here with a ds with the same problems.
I agree that it is crucial for school to be proactive not reactive and for them to provide a safe place for the child to go when distressed.
Sadly ds's school did none of that and then permanently excluded following an outburst that could,and should, have been avoided.

Re: proactive - I think that is very hard with DS, the majority of his outbursts are very quick without warning. This is something I'm starting to wonder is part of some underlying thing re tics. Rage outbursts can be common with chilren with tics so obviously my mind is in overdrive.
I'm throwing ideas out, left, right and centre to help them, him and me.