School referred 7yr old to social services and threatened exclusion.

[jb707]

I wasn't really sure where to post this so I hope I have come to the correct place.
My 7yr old son is at a small prep school. He has 'lost it' twice at school recently. We received a phone call from the head last week. She said he had 'lost it' at school, the Ta had taken him aside and he had told he that everyone at home was hitting him, we were always shouting and the the house was chaotic. She told us that she was referring us to social services. A social worker came the next day and meet the family. She said she had no concerns.
We are going to meet the head to discuss this on Friday. She has emailed that the head governor will also be at the meeting. I have requested a copy of the ordinal referral letter from the school.
I would appreciate any advice on how to handle the meeting. I feel that the Ta asked my son leading questions eg I don't believe he would use the would chaotic.

Cover your back - go the GP and say that you would like an assessment with someone over your child's recent behavior. Keep a home bahavior diary. Do NOT share this with school. Include your child's "mood" before and after school.

Ask school to keep a simple behavior diary for you listing any incidents of amazingly GOOD behavior and bad behavior. Ask them to state what the environment/activity was like immediately prior to the behavior concerned. Tell them this so that you can show it to the specialist when your GP's referral comes through.

IF a SN is causing this behavior it's will help the professionals sort it out. If it's simply a poor TA or teacher/bullying by other kids etc causing the poor behavior this will also enable you to start ferreting it out. Make damn sure your child knows you have his back and love him, even when you are disciplining him. The closer your relationship with your child, the more you'll be able to ascertain what's REALLY going on, even if your kid is non-verbal. Your child needs to have ABSOLUTE trust in you.

Do NOT tell the school you think they are lying - even if you know damn well they are. Look for evidence but keep your powder dry.

Your diary will throw up some interesting patterns over time that are sure to suprise you. e.g school may not tell you these incidents only happen when your child is asked to work in a group with kids d, e & f for PE. Once you know this a little digging on your part may throw up that this is when these kids can bully yours without being spotted by the adults and that is what is causing the explosions of your child.

The home school behavior diary is a reasonable request to make of the school in the circumstances. You can offer to add a note in it on days when your child doesn't get much sleep the night before, or is feeling under the weather. That's how I'd approach the meeting.

Apart from this request say as little as possible.

Having been the victim of a witch hunt of this nature myself, my next step would be to source alternative educational provision for my child. I wouldn't discuss it with my child's current school until it was secured though if at all possible. How you go about this depends on your child's SN, available provision, your relationship with the LA etc, etc.

Thank you bochead. Did your child settle well into the new school?

My son is keen to stay at his present school although I have different views. The teacher has a son in the class that my son is good friends with which I feel complicates the situation.

Actually after round 2 I moved 600 miles away and now home educate lol! Round one resulted in a Tribunal win on my part.

In my case I had a school that didn't agree with either my son's diagnosis or his statement, so refused to provide the support it outlined and then blamed me to cover their backs when the inevitable happened and it all went wrong. To be fair our SW & ASD outreach did try and get school to do their job but it backfired. A physical assault on my child by a resentful TA was my tipping point. I could have gone the legal route and won (had the evidence) but had been wanting to move for around 5 years anyway.

Does your child have a statement? If not, the IPSEA website gives grounds on how to apply. This provides concrete proof you give a damn about your child's education to the local education authority.

If he really did say that, they probably had to refer it to SS to cover their backs. The TA will presumably have made a written report, so you should ask for a copy. You can reasonably query how he allegedly came to use words like "chaotic" - though they'll probably say he said something like it was really untidy and that was just their wording.

Overall, I think you need to approach it on the basis that you are aiming to be constructive. If he is having these meltdowns you will need to talk about what triggers them, what he's struggling with, are they a sign of a more complicated problem, and particularly what strategies you and they can put in place to help him. On their side, they need to be aware that they clearly shouldn't believe what he says about home when he's upset.

The head tried to cancel tomorrows meeting as the Chair of Govenors was unable to make. She has now found an alternative Govenor to attend. Does anyone else have any suggestions?

OP if the situation escalates with your son, and the HT decides to exclude him, I suggest you contact Matrix Chambers School Exclusion Project. Free support and representation.

The school had a legal duty to refer to social services.
Social services have investigated and found no concerns. Has SS closed the file?
I don't think there is any point in raking over this.
You can reassure school there is no basis to your son's allegations which means there must be another reason for his behaviour.

Why is your son 'losing it' at school?
Do you think there is an underlying SN reason?
Do you think he is being bullied?
Do you have concerns about his behaviour at home?

The school may ask you about his behaviour at home, about discipline at home etc.

At this stage I wouldn't be too defensive, I would approach it from the perspective that you understand why school involved SS and then move on to discussing behaviour.

Are these the first two incidents or have there been other minor incidents?

Its a prep school so they can have their own procedure re discipline / exclusions etc, its not a LA school
I would ask what the governor's role at the meeting is though.

Zzzz I agree just involving Govs may not be same deal as in state school.

The head wrote on the report that x has always been intense, angry and withdrawn; almost on the autistic spectrum with his emotions. This was the first time we became the aware that the school thought this. Feedback from school has always been positive until this. He has been at the school since 2010. On questioning she withdrew the word always- apparently he wasn't like this in year 1. Only in reception and year 2(current year)!

I have made a formal complaint a week last Monday. The complaints procedure states 7days response normally. I am still waiting. What would you do?

Behaviour diary - you need to know the triggers. Once you know any triggers you can work on sorting the problem or coming up with appropriate strategies.

Also experience has taught me that professionals appreciate these diaries (esp if they cover a good few months) if your child ever needs assessing by anyone from an occupational therapist to a regular pead or clinical pysch.

Overtime they help give you an objective view of what's really happening, rather than the stressed opinion someone might give in the heat of an emotional moment (eg saying he's ALWAYS been X, when in reality it only ever happens in the run up to the annual school sports day for example).

In the meantime - what strategies do school suggest to help your child deal with his emotions? (These can be over exuberance cos he's happy or exited as well as negative feelings).