My son says he is unhappy

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My son is nearly 9 with suspected mild ASD, but the diagnosis so far is Social Communication Difficulties with the intention to revisit in the spring. He also has SPD (proprioceptive) and is sensory seeking.

He's been having a hard time since this time last year, so we sought some help and received it. No statement, but school is supportive. The sensory stuff in particular seems to help, and we also now build in (what seem to me to be) phenomenal amounts of exercise into his schedule and this helps to keep his physical restlessness down. Academically he is fine, although his spelling is a bit surprising sometime (much worse than his younger sister's).

HOWEVER. Today he told me, quite calmly, that everything is too much, he is having a hard time, he doesn't feel like doing anything, ever, school is too hard, and he doesn't look forward to anything, not even Christmas.

I haven't spoken to him about his condition as such. I have talked in general terms about what makes his brain happy - lots of heavy pressure and exercise makes his brain happy, but his sister doesn't need that because she is different. I said today that I think school probably is harder for him than some children, that he likes things to be really orderly and when they aren't that is difficult, maybe more difficult than for other children.

I don't know. Sometimes he is okay, quite cheerful, and happy and excitable as long as he is occupied, and then he will lapse back into this anxious, depressed sort of state when he lacks direction.

I've said we can talk to his teacher tomorrow, and maybe a doctor, and I already use lots of CBT-type techniques with him, but I'm not sure what else can be done, really.

Thanks, Polter. He also says he feels like crying at strange things. All these phrases he has been using just scream depression to me.

Is this what people mean by a 'limbo' state? I thought that was when he sort of starts doing things repetitively or aimlessly, rather than getting depressed as such.

I know that some adults with ASD benefit from antidepressants and I'm beginning to see why medication works for some families. I'd love to try oxytocin as well. But I doubt anyone would be happy to medicate a 9 year old who isn't very severely affected. It is so weird that I'm saying this as I have never been the sort to medicate anything!

I try to provide lots of structure and activity and direction so that he doesn't lapse into this state but I'm only human. I've also got CFS which is a variable problem, so sometimes I feel like I can give quite a lot and other times...really not so much!

Hi op, my DS, now 11, was diagnosed ADHD (inattentive type) when he was 9. He also had/has language difficulties. He struggles at school and needs additional support (no statement). He hates school so much and as a result feels very "down" midweek or during school term.

My DS also cried at strange things...it could have been as simple as bread being wholegrain instead of wholemeal. Not a big loud outburst but his eyes would fill up. I could give loads of examples.

He now takes medication to help with his ADD (concerta) and we have found it really helps with his social and emotional issues, speech etc etc. The main reason for him taking it was to focus his attention mainly for school work but we found it has a positive effect all round.

Dont know exactly what my point is..... but your son sounds very similiar to my DS.

Thank you for that. I have thought that he might have some degree of ADHD, to be honest. Various aspects of his memory are quite poor, particularly during conversations - he will forget what he has just been asked and forget what he was about to say several times a day. I know that is not the only thing but I think it makes school genuinely hard for him.

I've just emailed his paediatrician to ask for an assessment of ADHD as well.

Think that is a good idea Face. I knew very little about ADD/ADHD before. I wrongly believed all the "hype". As my DS didnt show any hyperactivity at all I was surprised at first when it was diagnosed.

My son's short term memory is terrible. If I told him to run upstairs to get socks, he will shout down to me "what was I suppose to get". Spellings are awful and like wise he cant really recall numbers like phone numbers etc.
He covered up alot by saying "never mind" to people. He would start to say something, then forget.

Good luck with assessment

Yes, that all sounds familiar. He is 'away with the fairies' a lot, and it is noticeable when compared with his younger sister. You ask her to do something, she does it and maybe a couple of other helpful things. You ask him to do something, he just can't keep it in his head. And you can tell it isn't just because he'd rather play or is being cheeky - he fully intends to do it when you ask him and happily seems to agree, but by the time he gets downstairs it is gone.

I have wondered about ADD since he was a toddler, to be honest, but after a while the ASD traits seemed more prominent - constantly wondering how many, what time exactly, what exactly was going to happen. Anxiety, tics, obsessions, etc.

I've also asked for him to be assessed/observed in person in whatever settings are necessary because so far they have just taken a case history and asked us and the school to fill in questionnaires.

The tricky thing is that because he is actually doing okay at school (compared with his peers) the school are supportive but not particularly concerned. But I get all the anxiety and tummy aches and conversations about how everything is too much - they see a boy who is 'happily' playing with his friends when that might actually be quite hard work for his sort of brain.