Just need a little whimper

[PelvicFloorClenchReminder]

Had DS's year 2 parents evening tonight. I wasn't expecting overblown declarations of how unexpectedly brilliant his work has been, but the one thing I have been clinging on to for the past year is that his reading has been above average, and I was hoping he would have been moved up a level.

He's actually been moved down a level

Feeling a bit despondent now. I always know a meeting is going to end badly when it starts off with "DS is such a lovely boy" and no one seems keen to look me in the eye.

It's a titchy problem in the scheme of things, I know, but it feels like such a blow. Has anyone had anything similar? Does it get better?

He has severe dyspraxia, SPD and SCD.

Well we had a depressing year 1 parents evening this term too so I can guess how you are probably feeling. In DS's case they seemingly had nothing positive to say and just concentrated on his behavioural "issues" :(. While I know of course of his struggles in this area, it would've been nice to hear something positive.

I'm clinging to the hope that it's early days (as it is for your DS in year 2) and things can change quite a lot by the end of the year - or even by the start of next year (or the one after......).

It would be so nice to be able to see into the future wouldn't it, and realise that this is just a small blip in the grand scheme of things :)

Thank you Perchkin and Poltergoose, that does help!

A diary is a good idea, I'll start one for him, and hope that he is on the verge of something brilliant

His year 2 teacher has never had a statemented child in his class before and probably didn't realise what little things we cling to..!

You know what is striking about our kids with SEN? It's how well we know them compared to how well the schools do.

Take my NT dd. I wouldn't know what levels she is on, whether they are accurate or in line with her capability. I have a vague idea of course, but she's typical enough for mine and the schools version of her to be roughly in line and so I haven't spent hours pondering it.

It's different with my Ds. I know better than any school where he is regardless of what the school says, and often we differ wildly in our perceptions. I take heart though that when I have needed to 'prove' anything, even if just to myself, I have been proved right.

You know if he is good at reading. It has nothing to do with the group a teacher put him in. If he has gone down (possibly due to one or two under-developed skills) find out why and do a bit of extra work on it.

Don't lose faith in your child based on a parents evening.

You're absolutely right of course, and obviously I do spend a lot more time reading with him than the teacher does (class of 30). I suppose I did lose faith in myself a bit, because as far as I'm concerned, his reading ability hasn't changed for the worse at all - his comprehension skills are getting a lot better.

Now I'm getting a bit paranoid that his year 1 teacher bumped his levels up a bit to either make himself look good or downplay his needs at the last statement review..

I've struggled with this for years, as my ds has dyspraxia, and now, finally in Year 4 his work is beginning to reflect what we always knew he was capable of. Not some sort of genius, but at least average! We knew his reading had taken a big jump at the end of year 1, but that jump was only reflected in school assessments by year 3. Weird.

I used to be a primary school teacher myself, and knowing how it works from the other side, their methods of assessment may well be poor. His teacher may well never have listened to him read in person. They may have relied on some written comprehension exercise. He may have had to do it in a distracting environment, when with SPD he'll have needed absolute quiet, and perhaps regular breaks? Does someone scribe his answers for him in tests?

Don't sit back and accept their judgement. Show them what he reads at home, and ask how they assess his reading. Ask to see his test papers, even, if that's what they use. The problem is, if they assess him too low, they'll then give him work he finds too easy, so he'll get bored and demotivated (bitter experience). Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to be a little bit 'pushy'! I wish I had started asking difficult questions much earlier than I did. We got a lot tougher with the school and started 'interfering' a lot more from Year 3. I've hated doing it, but it has paid off.

Ds scores vastly differently (3-4 years) depending on whether assessing his ability read the word or comprehend what's he's reading. We found teachers marked him too high in year 1 because they didn't spend any time with him (TA or parent read with him) they didn't 'get' he could read without understanding. Now we've pointed that out they are more cautious in their scores.

Thanks everyone. I checked today, and no one has read with him since 18th October, and that was indeed in a small group so wouldn't have reflected his true ability. Feeling a lot better now about the reading now, but I think I really will have to start asking the difficult questions and getting tougher now, like you say vorpent. I must toughen up!

to all of you

Good luck! I'm afraid with schools, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. Your Ds' teacher may well be a lovely person and a good teacher, but he/she will also have 30 children to think about, so if you're not jumping up and down, they'll tend to let your ds slide to the back of the queue. It's just the way it is. Also, the chances are, they'll know nothing whatsoever about dyspraxia. Be prepared to be the one educating them about your son.

If it's any comfort, it's my feeling that with dyspraxia, reading ability is a good indicator of true cognitive ability, as there are fewer hurdles to jump when reading. Because they're not expected to write, they can devote all their processing power to the task itself. Sounds like your DS' reading is coming along well at home, so that's a really good sign.

Ha, yes good point - nine times out of ten I mention something about dyspraxia to the school SENCO, she'll say 'Oh, I didn't know that!'

My ds1, who is 9, has severe Dyspaxia and suspected ADHD. Every time we have a parents evening I cry for a few days afterwards. It just seems to bring it all back to me, how much he is struggling compared to the rest of the class. On the otherwise he is well liked by the teachers and very enthusiastic about the subjects. I am going to make a box for him to put all his achievements in - any certificates, his first swimming badge (massive achievement), good comments by his teacher etc. My main aim, compared to anything else, is trying to get him through the system with self esteem.

That is a really good idea greeneyes. The self esteem can be a struggle, my DS is just beginning to notice the differences between himself and the other children at school, particularly when it comes to things like the dreaded sports day. I really love the idea of an achievements box!

My son has a severe speech delay. It features heavily on his IEP. He gets no nhs salt as it his age he must have a statement to get nhs salt. I asked how the school can baseline him and assess progress for IEP targets. Guess what? They can't. They are salt qualified. The can not conduct salt tests. Ask the questions.

that's awful