Bloody hell but it hurts!

[neverputasockinatoaster]

Oh how it hurts!
Went to DS's assembly this afternoon. His class has been working on Ancient Egypt and were doing a presentation. They sat him RIGHT at the front where his refusal to join in with the singing and him sitting down with his hands over his ears during one of the louder songs stood out like a sore thumb.
The pain of his difference hit me like a physical blow and I ended up in tears.
He did his part fantastically - he's got an excellent speaking voice and they used his ICT project as an example of some of the work they'd done.
Teachers all very smug about how well he'd coped. Wish they'd been here to see him melt down at home when DD brushed past him. Wish they'd seen him throw himself at me screaming because I tried to remove him from her to protect her and allow him tiem to calm down.
It jsut bloody hurts. And I know it is what it is. And I know others have it far far worse than me but it hurts and I hate it.

yep, it hurts. like being slapped a couple of times a day.
Those NT parents are fortunate.
We have pain like this always and it becomes part of our psyche.
No wonder i hear sn parents say the experience of having a sn child has transformed them in so many ways. it has me.

It hurts, we are here. you have support and you're not alone.

It certainly does hurt, ive been there. Dd's last school assembly was about hobbys. Every child had a spoken part, talking about their favourite hobby. Things like running, skipping, swimming were all talked about and demonstrated by the children. Dd was left to last and the ct had obviously not taken the time to talk to her about her hobbies and explain to her what the word meant. She held up a toy car and shouted out 'building' then sat down again. Parents were . I sat there trying to hold the tears in, I felt like I had been slapped in the face As soon as the children had returned to class I started sobbing for my dd and the injustice of it all .

It hurts very much. Sorry you've had these experiences.

Hell is other people isn't it. I often think this would be easier if DG, bluechick and I could just live in the wilderness by ourselves.

You're so, so right. Hurts like crazy and you never get used to it, the tears flow and it stabs each and every time. and x

Thank you all. zzzzz I try to hold on to that.. Different isn't less in my eyes.

He jsut stood out so much. The HT, bless him, saw me crying and came over to offer words of comfort. He then tried to 'fix' it by making DS take a bow after his ICT project was shown. I can see what he was trying to do, I really can but it smacked of 'pity praise' and just drew more attention to DS!

I Have had an interesting conversation with DS this week - he never wears his school sweathirt and I asked if it was too tight so I could decide if I needed to get a new one. He said he didn't want to wear one as he wanted to be different. I suspect he realises how different he is and wants to believe it is because of tangible, visible reasons!

Oh gosh yes somedays are just as painful as a real life punch in the guts or a slap across the face. The sting lingers too. I personally hate the concerts or parents evening where my eldest nt boy does so well, it seems to make poor middle ds look even worse.

But then middle ds will unexpectedly wind me. By dancing, hopping and remembering words in his after school theatre group. Things I was told he could never do ( and I have only seen it there!). It's like his antidote. While the other mums where worrying if their kids had the best lines I was the one so overcome with pride I cried. Then those parents would never feel that depth of pride....

Or course this week he ran straight out of theatre into the road while I was talking about crossing.....

But cling to those good moments, like whatsit from titanic to her piano - it will keep you going.

have an unmumsnetty

Ds1 did similar in his school play. He so wanted to join in, but then panicked mid-performance and froze while everyone performed around him. His teacher must have seen me squirming because after they went off-stage he came and told me ds1 was ok.

But i was still so proud of ds1 for attempting to join in at all.

I am so very very proud of him.... He's amazing.

See, if it had been me (and I'm a teacher and I have had ASD children in my classes) I would have sat him at the back... He could have come forward to say his lines and not been right out there at the front being obvious!

The HT, who can be a numpty, did say he'd have sat DS elsewhere too.....

I am giving a talk to the staff next week on living with ASD 24-7.... I might mention drawing attention to children with difficulites.......

It hurts a lot, dont know when you stop hurting- and thats the worst thing for me.

neverputasock.
Oh how I know that feeling :-(. I get an unbearable almost physical pain when I see my DS in these sorts of situations. And it has got worse as he has got older and his differences show up more. I am actually dreading the Christmas play this year, because although I am desperately proud of him, it also hurts so very much :(.

Well done to you and your DS for getting through it all :)