Grabbing - restrained

[Theycallmestacy]

Ds came pelting out of school and tried to run away, I managed to stop him. His 121 told me that he was upset as he hadn't won a prize that day.

On the way home he told me it was the worst day of his life (says this quite regular). He was upset at not getting a prize, but he then recounted the following.

During an activity mid morning one of the other children said something that upset him, he then got under the table, hitting himself in the face (a daily school thing) and screaming. He wouldn't come out but after that lesson he came out and was told to go outside to calm down. He pushed a chair over on the way out.

When he was outside another child on the way to the loo commented that the teacher wasn't very happy with him. He then ran screaming from outside his classroom to the reception of the school. There is a touch button for the doors and he pressed that to get out of school to come home.

At this point, then HT and dep HT and his 121 grabbed him, they hurt him but he said it wasn't there fault. He spent the rest of the day in office reading a book.

He wasn't marked and when I have tried to get further information from him such as were they grabbed him, did they all grab at the same time,he became distressed.

Am I overreacting to think that his home school book should have more detail than he was a little upset and spent some time out of the class, especially as his book in the main says he was upset most days. This is the first time he has been grabbed/restrained that I am aware of and obviously I agree that I needed to be stopped from leaving school property.

Thanks for any advice.

I agree with Polter he should have stayed with an adult until he was calm not sent out to calm himself (which clearly he doesn't yet have the skills to do). In situations like this its easy to criticise everything, but best to focus on what you want to come out of it. In this case that would be that the 121 stays with him at all times and the school is skilled up in dealing with situations before they get to this point.

To be fair if he had made a dash for it when in your care you may well have done the exact same thing of grabbing him. I've certainly had to restrain DS from running into a road etc.

DS absolutely knows how to get out of school. Our school is fairly secure but I have seen him watching which buttons to press and it wouldn't even surprise me if he knew the keypad codes as he watches so carefully. He could def run for it and press all the buttons super quick and escape if he were given a head start.

Overall it also sounds as though the school need more advice and support in knowing how to teach him to manage these situations. He shouldn't be getting to the point of self harming or escaping this frequently when upset - they should be working with him on building tolerance to for eg not winning, comments by other children etc (can role play this in 1:1 etc) and him being taught alternative ways of coping e.g. teach him to ask for a break before he gets this upset, having a quiet place to go, perhaps having a traffic light system (he has red, amber and green card) so staff can see when he feels slightly upset or anxious (amber) and can step in before it goes to red. They can also do work with the other children.

To me having my child self harm daily in class would be a clear indication the school do not know what they are doing.

Agree with what the previous posters have said.

Re reporting the handling/restraining, yes I would have expected to be informed of that specifically either in the home-school book, by phone or personal meeting, and to have had an explanation as to the circumstances that lead up to it. If you haven't already discussed with the school what their policy is on physical handling and restraint, I would request a meeting with the ht/senco to do so.

Your ds' reactions (the hiding, hitting self, knocking furniture, running off screaming when another child - intentionally or otherwise - inflames the situation) look really familiar btw, my ds would have reacted, and regularly does react, in exactly the same way.

Ds had a similar experience, bolting for the door, and they had to hold him back, and as far as I can tell trap him in a room with a teacher, his not got 1:2:1. But they really do not know how to handle this and I am pleased that they are going to work with me so this does not happen again.

Ds has full time 121, I think school are trying, his teacher is lovely and has really tried to get to know him, but is just isn't working, before bed he had tummy pains and nausea, its becoming regular on a Sunday.

He hurts himself and has at least one meltdown every day, most days many more.