Advice on handling puberty in ASD daughter age 11

[charlieandlola]

My dd is ASD with complex learning difficulties. She is physically mature, has pubic hair, and is just growing armpit hair, and getting hairy legs

How do you manage the practicalities, eg periods, do you leave armpit hair to grow, or immac it? How do you cope with period pain, changing pads etc.. God it is quite terrifying.
She has zero self awareness, and I do all of her personal care. she is clean and dry though.
We saw a gynae to talk about "halting" periods until she was a few years older, but DH was absolutely against medicating her and so we have agreed to let nature take its course.

She is Y6, in secondary school they have social stories etc, but her current primary school is not really geared up for girls... it is ASD only and there are only a few girls in the whole school.

My daughter has severe learning difficulties and is 15. I had bought a book from Amazon, called 'taking care of myself' and used it to talk her through periods etc. She was about 12/13 when her periods began and does manage quite well. She needs lots of prompts and I do help her change her pads. I shave her armpit hair in the bath.

Polter, no he won't be doing anything like that .... Nor would I ask him to , as my daughter deserves better. Vjg13, thanks for your reply , encouraging that your daughter is managing ok

I was really dreading my daughter hitting puberty but didn't consider medicating her to delay the inevitable. My husband does not change her pads but if I know I'll be out, I leave spare pants in the bathroom with the pad already in and she will put them on when she goes to the loo.

The mood swings have been worse, very up and down, lots of sobbing and impulsive behaviour but we are coming through the other side of it now.

Can I ask why it seems so 'set' (for want of a better phrase) that dhs/partners don't change pads?

I have an 11 year old dd with severe learning difficulties, so I will be facing this soon enough.

dh does currently help her in the bathroom if/when necessary, and I hadn't really put any thought to the future - usually can't think beyond the next day, tbh! Is it so very odd that dh still helps her? Whoever is closest/not tied up doing something else usually goes to help, and I hadn't really considered this changing anytime soon.

RedLumberJack, I think whatever your daughter and your family feel comfortable with and works for you.

My younger daughter has a rather more in depth knowledge of periods than most!

Thank you Charlie for asking this question. My dd started puberty about 2 years ago. She probably isn't too far off her periods starting. We've had the talk about them and she can come and talk to me or Dh about it. However, I have never thought of what will happen when she actually starts her periods. I will try and take as many tips and advice you get also, if you don't mind.

RedLumber - I personally feel that such intimate care should be done by someone who understands what is going on and can teach dd how to manage using personal experience.?My dh is a fairly new man but I would never expect him to change ds's pads unless I was incapacitated and physically unable to help her. It may not be a "PC " opinion but I do hold it nonetheless.

Charlieandlola, my husband does not feel comfortable with any aspect of my daughter's personal care now she has an adult body but he will shout instruction/encouragement from outside the door of the bathroom!

There is also the issue of what happens at school and I have always told her to ask for help from a female staff member.

thank you all for your thoughts.

I will give it some thought - it isn't just what happens at home/how we handle it, but also the expectations from our wider community, and I'm not sure I would like other people questionning dh's motives or scrutinising our ways.

food for thought.