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SN children

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Original poster

Feel so guilty, like I have let dd down

12 replies

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 10:01

Dd - 6 (language disorder with asd traits and Adhd) has been on her medication for 3 months.

For some reason I have told quite a few of my friends and people that I know on the sn "circuit" and now I am wracked with guilt. I feel so sick. I shouldn't have told anyone.

I haven't stopped crying this morning, I feel like I have let dd down big time .

I already feel bad enough for giving her the medication in the first place.

I don't want people to judge dd or our family. Why did I tell people???? I could really hit myself hard!

OP posts:

footprint · 06/07/2006 10:03

Mrs Gerrard, what has brough this on? You don't have to keep this a secret, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know about your situation, but it doesn't sound like you need to feel guilty at all. if people judge, that is their problem.

coppertop · 06/07/2006 10:10

Why do you feel as though you have let dd down? Is the medication working?

You have nothing to feel guilty about. The majority of parents give their child(ren) medication of some description if they think it will help their child so you shouldn't feel bad about doing the same thing for your dd.

If anyone judges you for this then they are really not worth knowing IMHO.

Original poster

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 10:11

Thanks footprint.

That's the thing I really don't know why I am feeling like this. I also felt like the mums at both dd and ds's school were laughing at me yesterday, which is totally unlike me.

I just feel maybe for dd's sake I should have kept it private?

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 10:13

Hi ct (it's me BH btw )

I know but I feel like I haven't done enough. Maybe I should have been better with the diet, sensory whatever. I just feel so bad.

OP posts:

coppertop · 06/07/2006 10:26

Aha! I thought it was you but didn't want to say in case you'd changed your name to escape your old one IYSWIM.

I think you would probably have been heading for some sort of nervous breakdown if you'd tried to do anymore than you were already doing. I always think of MrsF's posts about how much better her ds1 says he feels when he's had his medication - to the extent that he will actually ask for it.

I think the feeling that you wish you'd done more is a lot more common than you'd think. One day I'll be feeling guilty for not doing more each day for ds2. The next day I'll be feeling guilty because ds1 didn't/doesn't get as much help as ds2 does. When I'm having a better day I realise that it's completely illogical to think that way.

Original poster

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 10:42

ct - sometimes I get so angry about dd and her sn and I wish I didn't
She is doing so well but I know that we have a very rocky path ahead of us iyswim

I know it sounds self indulgent but some days it all just gets to me!

OP posts:

2mum · 06/07/2006 10:48

MrsGerrard, i know how youre feeling. I have to give ds1 medication for adhd also. We are not drugging our kids we are giving them medication to help them. We have nothing to be ashamed of, if our kids were ill we would give them antibiotics wouldnt we. I went through all this when he was first diagnosed. My ds2 has autism and global development delay and is non verbal. He has sleeping problems so i give him melatonin at night. We love our children and are doing the best for them we have nothing to be ashamed off so please dont be getting yourself upset.

coppertop · 06/07/2006 10:52

You're allowed to be self-indulgent, MrsG. I'm no expert but I think it's the people who never stop to think about themselves now and then who will find it harder in the long run IYSWIM.

I was queen of self-indulgence last night. Ds1 got an excellent school report and parents evening went really well but instead of being over-the-moon I ended up feeling very down about the fact that this will probably change as he goes up through the school. Then I started mentally beating myself up for not helping him out more with the areas where he still has difficulty.....You know how it goes.

Original poster

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 13:19

Well done mini ct for getting a good report

Mind you with a new baby you are allowed to not have the time to do things!

The thing with having an sn child is that nothing is ever cut and dry. Like you dd is going through such a lovely phase atm but I know that some time in the near future we will have another bad patch and it's a horrible feeling.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsGerrard · 06/07/2006 21:25

Why is it that a glass of wine always makes me feel better ?

I think I know why I am fed up too. Fed up that society treats my dd as a second class citizen. Sick of having to justify dd all the time. Sorry for the ramble but I know what I mean!

OP posts:

coppertop · 07/07/2006 12:56

Was it a glass of your ex-namesake?

Davros · 07/07/2006 18:33

MrsG, I think you told people BECAUSE you had a feeling of guilt and wanted to get "validation" (how USA!). Not that they could give it to you, you have to do that yourself but trying to convince yourself by telling other people is one way we all do this sometimes. I know I've done it before. You're obviously having a bad patch, a short one I hope, and that feeling of self examination and condemnation is awful. We used to get it from getting shit faced and behaving badly, at least these days its something more important

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